Buttons and Pain Read online

  He stirred his glass but didn’t take a drink. He set it beside his water, the dark wine half gone. When he turned his dark eyes on me they were impossible to read. He didn’t seem angry or annoyed with the question. “I didn’t want to.”

  I waited for him to elaborate because that answer wasn’t enough.

  His thin lips remained closed, refusing to speak another word.

  “You didn’t want to?” I didn’t believe that for a second. Maybe he did miss me, but sex wasn’t emotional for him. It was just about getting off. He could use anyone for that, not just me.

  “No.”

  My eyes narrowed. “And that’s it?”

  “Why is that hard to believe?”

  “I don’t know…maybe because Jasmine was at your beck and call whenever you wanted her.” I’m sure she figured out I was gone and try to get under his sheets more than once. Why would he turn her way if I wasn’t there anymore?

  “You know my type. I like smart, strong, and proud women. She’s none of those things.”

  “But you slept with her before.”

  “That was before my tastes changed.” He gave me a knowing look.

  “Then why didn’t you look for someone else with those traits?”

  He rested his hand on the table, and his slender fingers gently thudded against the tablecloth. “Like I said, I didn’t want to.”

  My eyes narrowed in annoyance. “You made it very clear you were never mine.”

  “I wasn’t.”

  Everything he said contradicted what he said in the past. My neck was sore from the constant pull back and forth.

  “But now I am.”

  The frustration left my limbs, and my stomach tightened in response. My eyes automatically searched his face for a trace of a life. Did he really say that or did I just imagine it?

  He rested his arms on the table and leaned forward. His voice came out low so no one else could overhear us. The look he gave me was terrifying but beautiful at the same time. “And I want you to be mine again.”

  ***

  When we entered the bedroom he came behind me and unzipped my dress. It was a black with a lacey pattern. It fit the curves of my body perfectly, like he knew my measurements off hand.

  It fell to the floor at my feet.

  He immediately unbuttoned my strapless bra and let it fall to the floor. His lips founded my shoulder and he kissed it gently. The scruff from his chin caused the right kind of friction I missed. He slowly moved closer to my collarbone.

  And I anxiously hoped he would nip at me.

  His tongue licked the skin right over the bone. Then he nicked me with his teeth, giving me a nibble just like he did when we were in bed together.

  I couldn’t help it. I moaned.

  His hands moved around my waist then trailed up my stomach. He gathered my tits in his hands and massaged them aggressively. His mouth moved to my ear and his breaths filled my canal. “Button.” My nipples hardened, and he gathered them in his fingertips before he pinched them lightly.

  My back arched into his chest, immediately reacting to the aggressive touch. I said I wouldn’t sleep with him tonight but my resolve was quickly slipping away.

  His hand continued to grope my tits while the other moved down my stomach. Slowly, his fingers glided over my belly button and into the lace of my panties. Gently they migrated to my throbbing clitoris then pressed against it.

  I arched my back again.

  “This is mine. Do you understand me?” His lips moved against my ear, his heavy breaths igniting me.

  “Crow…” I gave into his control and said his name when I shouldn’t. I missed this so much. I missed it more than I would admit to myself. He took control of the situation and made the decisions for both of us. All I had to do was enjoy it.

  “You missed me as much as I missed you.”

  “Yes…”

  He pulled his fingers out of my panties then yanked the fabric down my thighs. When I was naked he undressed behind me, removed his suit and tie. His boxers were stripped away and kicked across the floor.

  As much as I wanted to do this, I knew I couldn’t. “I said no.”

  He turned me around until we were face to face. His hand fisted my hair aggressively and gripped the steep curve in my back. I was pulled so close to him that my chest pressed against his every time I took a breath. “Your mind and body are at war with each other. And I know who’s going to win.” He lifted me off the ground then lay me on the bed underneath him. His hands rested against either side of my head and his thighs separated mine. “You’ve already kissed me. You’ve already touched me. What difference does it make?” His fingers interlocked with mine and he pinned my hands to the mattress.

  “It does make a difference.”

  He bowed his head until his nose brushed against mine. His quiet breaths fell on my face, the hunger obvious in the way he gripped my hands. He was the hunter and I was the hunted. He stared at my lips for several heartbeats before he kissed me. The embrace was softer than the one we shared before. He concentrated on the feel of my lips, giving me purposeful kisses that were both delicate and passionate.

  My lips immediately moved with his like they had a mind of their own. I tasted the bitter wine on his lips and felt my body tighten underneath him. My ankles met around his waist and I wanted a night of unbridled passion. The moment reminded me of all our nights together, making love in front of the fireplace.

  He pulled his lips away until there was just an inch of space between us.

  I almost whimpered because the withdrawal was painful.

  “I miss hearing you come.” His intense gaze met mine, desperate and powerful at the same time.

  The area between my legs immediately throbbed. He hadn’t been inside me for so long and I craved that feeling. I wanted the connection we once shared. I missed it more than I would ever admit.

  He gave my lips another kiss before he slowly moved down my body. Kisses were placed on my tits and my stomach. His large hands widened my legs as his mouth drew closer. He ran his tongue along my hips then kissed the inside of my thighs.

  Oh god.

  I should put an end to this right now but I didn’t. Instead, I gripped the sheets underneath me and prepared for that warm mouth against my heat. His eyes locked with mine as he kissed the skin surrounding the area, purposely teasing me. He never looked sexier than when his face was pressed between my legs.

  Finally, his mouth sealed over my folds and he gave me a scorching kiss.

  “Oh my god…” My back arched and I dug my fingertips into the mattress. The ecstasy shot through my body immediately, making my toes curl and nipples harden. Without any embarrassment, I widened my legs because I wanted more of that handsome mouth.

  He kissed me again, and this time he circled his tongue around my clitoris. He used forceful pressure to bring me to life. He kissed and sucked the area, giving me the delectable head I missed so much. He sucked my clit again before he gripped my hands on the sheets and interlocked our fingers. He kept me in place so I couldn’t move. “You want me to stop?”

  My head was in the clouds and I couldn’t think about anything besides that warm mouth around my pussy. “No.” No one could hold it against me. I had a gorgeous man between my legs, and it seemed like he enjoyed it even more than I did. It was the perfect fantasy. “No.”

  He moved his mouth between my legs again and kissed me harder than before. His tongue did magical things, and I found myself writhing and moaning for the man who broke my heart.

  He used his tongue to circle my clit harder, hitting me in the right spot so I’d go over the edge.

  “God…right there.” I twisted against his hands but they were locked in place. My hips immediately moved upward as the collision hit me like a freight train. It was powerful and blinding. It was so good that I couldn’t believe I forgot just how amazing it felt. “Crow…” I didn’t even realize I said his name until the damage was done. I was a slave to this man al
l over again.

  His kisses softened as the high left my body. Slowly, I started to relax. My hips came down and my fingertips stopped squeezing his. My breathing returned to normal but my nipples were still hard and my chest was covered with sweat.

  Crow crawled up my body until we were face to face. The residue from my body was smeared across his lips. Seeing my arousal shine on his lips made my legs automatically squeeze his hips.

  My hands glided up his chest, feeling the grooves of muscle. I wanted to sink my claws into him and never let go. Instantly, my body allowed him to possess me. That invisible cord that once bound me to him was tight around my throat. My heart was made of steel and would never let him in again, but the rest of my body bowed to him.

  “I want you.” He moved his body against mine, his thick cock pressed against my tender folders. He slowly grinded against me, his throbbing dick desperate to be inside me. He leaked pre-cum onto my already drenched pussy.

  It took all my strength to combat the powerful desires in my body. I already did too many things with Crow that I regretted. The damage was already done. But sleeping with him would only make things worse. I had to be strong. “Tomorrow.”

  He growled against my face, his eyes shining with defiance.

  “Tomorrow,” I repeated.

  He finally pulled away and lay on the be beside me. His hard cock still lay against his stomach, thick and read to plow me if I changed my mind.

  I wasn’t sure if I could lay beside him all night while keeping my hands to myself. He’d have to put on some clothes if he wanted to make that happen.

  He turned off the bedside lamp and the bedroom fell into darkness. Then he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me hard against his chest. He hooked my leg over his waist and rested his forehead against mine.

  Thinking with its own mind, my arm wrapped around his neck and I closed my eyes. I could feel his stare on me, the burn of his eyes as they stared at my face. I didn’t look at him because I didn’t trust myself to stare into those blue eyes. I hung on the precipice of temptation. If I strayed too far, I’d fall head first into the abyss known as Crow Barsetti.

  His deep voice came into my ear. “Good night, Button.”

  “Good night, Crow.”

  Chapter Nine

  Pearl

  I dreaded the conversation I was about to have with Jason. He would be upset with me, and he had every right to be. The guilt was eating me down to the core of my soul and I couldn’t shake the feeling. He’d been so supportive, and I felt like I betrayed him. We weren’t in a relationship. In fact, we hadn’t even gone out to dinner together. But I still felt like I did something wrong.

  He answered the door with the same cold expression he wore the last time I saw him. He was in jeans and a t-shirt and his hair was damp since he just got out of the shower. When he didn’t speak I knew he was still irritated with me.

  “Can I come in?”

  “Sure.” He walked into the kitchen and stood at the counter. His arms were across his chest. The muscle of his arms was tight, and his usually bright eyes were dark.

  I stood on the opposite side of the counter and felt his hostility seep into my pores. “Jason, we need to talk—”

  “Yeah, we do. And I think I should go first.”

  He was already pissed at me for the way we left our last argument. When I dropped this new bomb on him he would be even more pissed. “Okay.”

  “I don’t know what we are but I think we should take a step back. After the other night, I just don’t feel comfortable moving forward.”

  I didn’t change my expression, but I was definitely surprised. We had a tense moment but I didn’t realize it bothered him so much. “Can you be more specific?”

  He leaned against the refrigerator, keeping miles between us. “Every time we have sex it moves to something else. You want me to spank you or tie you up…I know you went through a lot over the past year. You never talk about it but I can imagine how horrible it was. And…I feel like your projecting these experiences onto me and it makes me uncomfortable.”

  “Jason, that’s not what I was doing. I just…I like stuff like that.” The best sex I’d ever had was with Crow. In the beginning I didn’t like the twisted things he did to me. But now vanilla was my least favorite kind of sex. I wanted the kinky stuff, the dark stuff.

  “But you didn’t like that stuff before.”

  “Things change, Jason. We haven’t been together in years. You aren’t the same in bed either.”

  “But I’m not doing weird stuff.”

  I swallowed my offense and let it go. “It’s not weird. I like it and I’m not ashamed to admit it.”

  “Well, I don’t. And I can’t stop thinking about…you know.”

  That hurt the most. Crow never looked at me like I was damaged goods. He fucked me like I was the sexiest thing in the world. In his eyes, Bones had never touched me. He refused to allow me to feel sorry for myself. He expected me to be the strong woman I’d always been. “Jason, you need to stop looking at me like a rape victim.”

  “Look, I can’t help it. I try not to but it’s difficult. If you didn’t ask me to spank you with my belt or tie you up, I’d be able to look past it. But I can’t.”

  I hated it when people viewed me as weak. What happened to me wasn’t my fault and to hold it against me was simply wrong. Maybe Jason didn’t understand, but it was the most hurtful thing he could say to me. “I’m still me…”

  He bowed his head and a quiet sigh left his lips. He closed his eyes for a moment before he reopened them. His arms fell to his sides and he came closer to me. “I know. Pearl, I still love you. I will always love you. But I don’t think I can handle this.”

  “I understand.” Maybe only a man like Crow could deal with my past. Maybe only someone just as scarred and ruined could look into my eyes and see everything below the surface. When he moved inside me, it was only the two of us. We didn’t think about the men and woman before each other.

  “I’m sorry…I hope I didn’t hurt you.”

  “Don’t feel bad, Jason. You’re being honest and I completely understand.”

  His hand snaked to mine on the counter and he gently brushed his thumb across my knuckles. “I still want to be friends. I still want to see you.”

  He may not feel that way after I told him about Crow. Even though he broke up with me and felt distant for a while, my actions were still inexcusable. “I would love that. But there’s something I need to talk to you about.”

  ***

  Jason sat across from me at the table. He was speechless, saying nothing for nearly two minutes after I finished talking. He rubbed his chin with his fingertips and stared at the surface of the table.

  “I know it’s a lot to take in…I don’t expect you to understand.”

  “So this guy captured you and kept you as a prisoner for a year…but you fell in love with him?”

  When someone else said, I understood just ludicrous it was. “Yeah.”

  “But he didn’t feel the same way.”

  “No.” That cold reminder made me feel like shit all over again.

  “And he’s here now?”

  “Yeah.”

  “And you kissed him?”

  I nodded. “Yeah.” After two months of silence I thought I would be able to resist him. But like no time had passed, I was his prey all over again.

  “Okay…” He continued to rub his chin. “You’re right. I don’t get it. It sounds like Stockholm Syndrome.”

  “It’s not.” Crow had never done anything harmful to me. He didn’t even make good on his threat to rape me. He took care of me when he could have done worse things. I respected him because he deserved it.

  “Does that mean you’re seeing him again?”

  I couldn’t mention the button system. Jason would never understand it. “No, not really. He’s here and we’ve talked but we aren’t getting back together.”

  “Then why is he here?”

 
Jealousy. Possessiveness. Insanity. “To check on me.”

  He narrowed his eyes in suspicion. “Couldn’t he have just called?”

  “Yeah but he likes to do things in a specific way.” My relationship with Crow could never be explained to a man like Jason. After the ordeal I suffered through I wasn’t normal anymore. And normal people would never understand me. “So…are we okay?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I kissed him and fooled around with him last night. You and I weren’t serious but…I still felt guilty for doing it. I hope I didn’t hurt you.”

  “No, it’s okay,” he said quickly. “Like I said, I’ve been unsure of this relationship for a few days now. You don’t need to feel bad.”

  I was glad we talked this out and preserved our friendship. “I’m glad to hear that. You’re my only friend, Jason. I don’t want to lose you.”

  His eyes softened from across the table. His hand snaked around the surface until it reached mine. “You could never lose me. Friends forever, alright?”

  I smiled. “Friends forever.”

  “But as your friend, I have to say this thing with Crow is beyond my understanding. I’m not sure if spending time with him is such a good idea. Honestly, he sounds like a psychopath.”

  I tried not to chuckle. “I’m not getting serious with him again. He’ll be here for a while then he’ll leave. I’ll probably never see him again.”

  Jason nodded. “So…are you still in love with him?”

  The question caught me off guard and there was nowhere to hide. “It doesn’t matter if I am or not. It doesn’t change anything.”

  ***

  After Jason and I had dinner, I returned to my apartment. When I walked in the door I almost collided with a concrete wall. “Shit. Can you just wait outside like normal people?”

  He rushed me against the refrigerator then pinned my hands above my head. His grip was ice-cold and powerful, and his crushed me with his strong chest. “Did you end it with him?”

  “Uh, hello to you too.”