Queen in Lingerie Read online

  Her eyes shifted to the floor.

  “I asked Carter to help me find you. He saw your photo in Vogue. That’s how I tracked you down here.”

  She still didn’t give a reaction.

  I glanced around the apartment again. “Andrew is treating you well?”

  “Yes,” she said coldly. “He hasn’t made me his prisoner.”

  I deserved that.

  “He offered me three hundred million for a ten-year contract.”

  Even I had to react to a sum like that. My eyes dilated and my pulse quickened.

  “So I’ll pay you back for saving me from Knuckles. I don’t want to owe you anything.”

  “You don’t.”

  “Yes, I do.”

  I’d pay that money again in a heartbeat to keep her safe. “I won’t take it, so don’t bother. We’re square.”

  She shifted her weight to one leg, still closed off from me.

  “I like your place.”

  “Thanks…”

  Now our conversation came to a halt. It was tense and awkward, and there wasn’t much to say. This woman was such an important part of my life, and now she was a stranger. She used to share my bed with me every single night. Now my big bed felt even bigger than before.

  She lowered her arms to her sides and sighed. “Now that you know I’m alright, you should go. We both have important lives to return to.”

  I’d said what I wanted to say, and now I had no business being there. But I didn’t want to move. I wanted to stare at her face forever. I didn’t want to return to my mansion in Italy, not when I was the only one to enjoy it.

  She looked at me, her disappointment obvious. “Go.”

  Instead of walking to the door, I walked up to her. I stopped when our faces were close together. When she didn’t take a step back, I knew there was something still between us. “I’m miserable without you.”

  She took a deep breath and held it, her beautiful eyes slightly glossy.

  “I hate what I did. I don’t want you to think you don’t mean anything to me…because that’s not true. These past three weeks have been some of the worst of my life, if not the worst.” My hands moved to her hips, and when she didn’t resist me, I felt a surge of hope in my chest. “I lost my temper, and I shouldn’t have treated you that way. It was stupid…really fucking stupid.” I pressed my forehead against hers.

  She let me touch her. She rested her arms on mine, her breathing quickened.

  I thought I would forget about her the second she was off my property, but I’d thought about her more when she was gone than when she was around. My chest felt hollow because all my joy had been stripped away. I felt lost, like I would never find happiness ever again. Now that she was in my arms again, I felt better. “Please forgive me, Muse.”

  She closed her eyes when I said her nickname, the name I always should have been calling her. There was no reason the name Sapphire should have escaped my mouth. It didn’t even sound right on my tongue. I felt repulsive saying it out loud.

  “Conway…I don’t care about giving you my forgiveness.”

  My hand slid into her hair, and I cupped her cheek, my thumb brushing across the soft skin. I missed touching her this way, missed feeling her warmth. I hadn’t gotten laid in almost a month, and while I missed the sex, I missed this a lot more—the intimacy. She was the only woman I showed any vulnerability with. She was the only woman who had earned my kiss.

  “All I want is for you to tell me you love me.” Her eyes lifted up to meet my gaze. “To forget that horrific night and just start over. I don’t want to forgive you because I’d rather forget.” She held my gaze as she waited for me to say the words, for me to echo the love that was in her heart.

  My thumb stopped brushing against her cheek, and I held my breath as I stared at her. She had every part of me, all of my thoughts, my emotions, and my body. I didn’t want to share my bed with anyone else. But I didn’t want to commit to a life I’d told her I didn’t want. “I told you I would never marry you.”

  “Did I ask you to marry me?” she whispered. “I just want to love you—and have you love me in return. The future is blurry and uncertain, but that’s how it’s supposed to be. Anything can happen. The door is always open to potential—and you should never close it. Closing off possibilities is only a disservice to yourself.”

  My hand slowly slid down to her neck, her wisdom striking me hard.

  “Do you really not love me, Conway? Or do you just not want to?”

  My hand moved to her shoulder then slid down her arm. The backs of my forefingers brushed against her soft skin. The farther I moved, the colder I felt. When my hand pulled away entirely, it was like stepping into the Arctic. “I want exactly what we had before. I want to give you all of me, and I want to take all of you. I want us to live together in that beautiful mansion and make beautiful lingerie together. I want it to stay that way…until it’s run its course. I don’t know where I’ll be in five or ten years. And whether I tell you I love you or not, it doesn’t make a difference. Even if I did say it, that doesn’t mean I won’t leave you. Because, one day, I will. And I would never mislead you about my intentions.”

  Her eyes stayed the same, but the moisture on the surface slightly deepened. She didn’t frown or take a deep breath. As a prideful woman, she held her stance of power. “I’m not ashamed to tell you that I love you, that I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I don’t care about your yacht in Greece or the beautiful clothes you buy me. I want to sleep every night with you beside me, to listen to your deep breathing while you dream. I want to be pregnant with your son or daughter, to become your wife in a pretty white dress. I want to be your inspiration always, no matter how much my body changes or how I age. I want us to be together forever, to be buried underneath the same tombstone. I can say all of that without shame, even as you look at me with rejection, because it’s real. And I can’t settle for some of you. I can’t love you with my whole heart if you won’t do the same. As much as I love you, I know I deserve better.” She released a quiet sigh, her eyes welling up further. “I’ll never forget our time together. You changed my life in so many good ways. I’ll never forget the way the Italian sun feels against my skin, the way you sat across from me on the terrace when we had breakfast every morning. I’ll never forget our nights together, how you took me when I was innocent and made me into a woman. I have a lot of happy memories…but that’s all you’ll ever be. A memory. One day, I’ll meet someone else and fall in love again. I’ll get married and have children, and there will always be a slight pain because you aren’t the man I’m married to. But in time, those memories will fade. And maybe one day…I’ll forget them altogether.” When she blinked, two tears streaked down her cheeks.

  It killed me to see them.

  She rose on her tiptoes and cupped my face before she placed a kiss on my mouth. It was slow and soft, slightly salty from her tears. She breathed with me, feeling my upper lip between hers. She slowly pulled away, her eyes wet and red. “Goodbye, Conway.”

  Muse didn’t need me.

  She was rich and safe, living in a great apartment in a safe building.

  From what I heard, Andrew was happily married and a well-known family man. When he wasn’t working, he was seen with his two sons at baseball practice and academic decathlon. But even the happiest man could succumb to temptation when a woman like Muse was around.

  Walking out of her apartment was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. I wanted to keep kissing her and guide her into the bedroom so I could make love to her one last time, but that would only make it harder.

  On both of us.

  So I took my plane back to Italy.

  I left her behind.

  I slept on the plane, which was the longest amount of time I’d slept since she left.

  Now that I knew she was okay, saw it with my own eyes, I could finally relax.

  I returned to Verona and walked into the home I bought almost ten
years ago. When I bought it, I knew it was big for just a single man. But the previous owner needed to sell the house quickly because he’d lost his company. He gave me an unbelievable deal, so I moved in to the enormous mansion.

  Dante greeted me when I walked inside. “Hello, sir. How was your trip?”

  I wasn’t in the mood for small talk. “Fine. I’m not hungry right now. I’ll take dinner in a few hours.”

  “Of course.” He walked with me to the stairs. “Sir?”

  “Yes, Dante?”

  “I hate to ask but…will Miss Sapphire be returning?”

  I stopped at the bottom stair and gripped the rail of the staircase. The question annoyed me, but I couldn’t blame him for wondering. “No.”

  Dante gave a slight nod, but there was no hiding the disappointment in his eyes. “Would you like me to remove all of her things from your bedroom?”

  I didn’t want to throw anything away, but I didn’t want to see her clothes every time I opened my closet. I didn’t want to see her panties in my dresser. I didn’t want to see her old perfume in the bathroom. Everything would remind me of her, and I didn’t want to be reminded of the woman who changed my life. “Yes…but don’t throw it away.” I didn’t want to keep her things because I hoped she would come back one day. I just couldn’t bear seeing her stuff thrown in the garbage.

  “Of course.” He gave another nod and turned away.

  “Dante?”

  He turned back around.

  “I didn’t realize you were so fond of her.” I’d never seen them interact, and he was put off when she tried to help herself in the kitchen. After that, they didn’t interact very often.

  “I’m not,” he said. “I just know she made you happy.”

  Time moved so slowly.

  I stopped working out and spent my time in my room.

  It rained one day, and it was the first rain of the season. It poured on the rooftop, and the sound of the rain was loud when the Tuscan-style windows were open. I wished she could have seen it. All she’d ever known was the constant sunshine. Something about the rainfall was peaceful, even when you were forced to stay inside.

  I found myself thinking about her a lot, wondering what she was doing. Did she like modeling for Andrew? Were the other women treating her right? Was she getting used to New York again? Or did she still miss Italy?

  I went to work in Milan later that week, and I didn’t feel any motivation when I walked through the doors. The only reason I was there was because I didn’t know what else to do with my time.

  I sat in the studio and stared at my sketchbook, no idea what to draw. All I could think about was the last time I saw Muse. The tears streaked down her face, and her eyes were swollen and puffy.

  It didn’t turn me on like the other times. It broke my heart.

  I didn’t even know I had a heart until then.

  I was tempted to Google her, to see the multitude of images she appeared in. Not only did I want to see her face, but I wanted to see her body. I missed looking at her long legs, at her narrow waist. I wanted to drag my tongue everywhere, to taste her one more time. It’d been a month since she left my house, and it was the longest time I’d gone without getting laid since I hit puberty.

  I hadn’t even jerked off.

  Too depressed.

  But now, the arousal was building up inside me. Instead of going out and catching tail, I wanted to be with Muse. I wanted that slow but good sex. I wanted to be skin-to-skin with the woman who’d only had me. I didn’t want to wear a condom and fuck a woman I wouldn’t remember.

  I stared blankly at my sketchbook.

  My phone rang, and Carter’s name appeared on the screen. I almost didn’t answer it, but I knew I couldn’t avoid him forever. “What’s up?”

  “What’s up?” he asked incredulously. “I’ve never heard you say that before.”

  “First time for everything, right?”

  He sighed. “You sound miserable, so I assume you decided to be an idiot.”

  “Not an idiot. It just didn’t work out.”

  “So, what? It’s over.”

  Losing her was difficult, but I didn’t see any other way around it. “Yes.”

  “And now what?”

  “I move on.”

  “To what, exactly? You aren’t going to find another woman like that.”

  “Maybe. Maybe not.”

  He sighed again. “Con—”

  “Let it go. It’s done.”

  Carter turned quiet. “Fine. Are you going to tell the family soon? How long do I have to keep up the charade?”

  I didn’t want to tell my family Muse was gone. They might respect my privacy and not ask a lot of questions, but Vanessa would be pissed. “I’m not sure. Not long. Vanessa will figure it out soon enough.”

  “Alright. Let me know when she does.”

  “Okay.”

  “So, is Sapphire happy? How is she?”

  I was surprised Carter asked about her. He didn’t spend much time with her when I was seeing her, but he obviously had a fondness for her. “She bought a pretty nice place, for three million dollars. It’s in a safe area. She likes working for Andrew. She’s obviously upset about us…but she’s doing really well.”

  “Good for her. She stands on her own two feet…I admire that.”

  I did too.

  “I think you should think about it a little harder, Con. If you wait too long…that’s it.”

  I’d said my goodbyes. It was time to move on. “Let it go, Carter.”

  “Fine…I’m officially letting it go.”

  I felt like a disgusting perv.

  I opened my laptop in bed and found her pictures everywhere. Andrew was using her for a lot of publicity, taking pride in the fact that he had the most beautiful woman in the world working for him.

  And Barsetti Lingerie lost her.

  His pieces were mediocre, but Muse picked up the slack. She made everything look gorgeous, her long figure so curvy and beautiful. The bras pushed her tits together, and she lay on the bed, like she was waiting for me to move between her legs.

  I looked at everything, feeling my dick get so hard it actually hurt.

  I hadn’t jerked off in a long time, but I was desperate. If I picked up a woman, I would just picture myself with Muse anyway. So I squirted the lotion into my hand and started to jerk myself while staring at her picture.

  It was nothing compared to the real thing.

  But it was the best I could do.

  6

  Sapphire

  The next two weeks were excruciating.

  It was like having all of my ribs broken after a horse kicked me.

  I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t eat.

  Conway left—and it was really over.

  He didn’t want forever—or anything close to it. He didn’t want to love me. He just wanted our passionate relationship to run its course until he got bored. Then he would replace me with someone else. Marriage and kids were completely taken off the table.

  He couldn’t stand just the possibility.

  I supposed this was entirely my fault.

  I was stupid for falling in love with him. I should have listened to his warning. Even though I still suspected he loved me, that didn’t mean anything. His feelings were irrelevant because he wouldn’t act on them.

  He was probably fucking someone else by now.

  Lots of women.

  And I was putting my heart back together.

  This depression helped me drop the extra five pounds Andrew wanted me to lose. Not eating really fixed the problem. I still worked out every day, so that made the fat fly off my waistline and disappear from my thighs.

  I was getting used to New York, but in my heart, I knew it wasn’t home.

  Italy was home now.

  Conway was my home.

  But I had to move forward and start over. I had to be positive and focus on all the things I did have. I was wealthy, had a great job, an
d there wasn’t a psychopath trying to hunt me down anymore. Conway gave me my freedom, so letting him break my heart wasn’t completely in vain.

  I would move on, and hopefully, I would find another guy to sweep me off my feet.

  But it was hard to imagine being with another guy…sleeping with another guy.

  Conway was the only guy I’d ever been with.

  I would hate all the women who came after me, especially since they didn’t care about him for the man he was. They just saw his Ferrari, his wallet, and the big-ass house he slept in every night. They knew nothing about his character, his love for his family, or his generosity.

  I was the only woman who truly knew him.

  After being at the studio all day, I went home and changed into my workout clothes before I went to the gym. Sometimes people recognized me, judging by the way they stared at me, but thankfully, no one ever asked me for an autograph.

  I usually did an hour on the treadmill before I moved to the weights. Andrew assigned me a workout routine, and that made me miss Conway—for other reasons. Conway never asked me to work out. He didn’t tell me what to eat either. Whether I was fifteen pounds heavier or not, he wanted me the same.

  But Andrew didn’t want me for his personal use. He just wanted me to be as thin as possible for the camera.

  I missed food. And I missed sitting on my ass all day. I never considered working with the horses to be work because I enjoyed it so much. But going to the gym religiously felt like a chore. There was loud music, bright lights, and lots of people around.

  Now I preferred the quiet, open spaces.

  I did five squats with the twenty-pound barbell before I returned it to the ground. I wasn’t as strong as I used to be. Working in the stables all day had given my legs perfect muscle tone. But it’d been a month since I stopped doing that, and it was taking some time to pick up the strength again.