Queen in Lingerie Read online

  She’d told me the same thing.

  “And then she started crying. She hid it pretty well…but I could hear it.”

  As if someone punched me in the stomach, I felt winded.

  “You broke this woman’s heart, man. And that would be fine if you didn’t love her…but it’s obvious you do. Is that really such a bad thing?”

  “I told her I didn’t want marriage and shit…”

  “Doesn’t change the fact that you love her. She didn’t ask you to marry her. All she said was she loved you.”

  “But you know where it would lead…”

  “And maybe if you gave it some time, you might have actually liked the idea. But you flipped out and fucked it up before you even gave it a chance.”

  “Carter, when have we ever talked about this shit?” I snapped. “Now you’re talking about love like you know things…when you don’t know anything.”

  “You’re right,” he said calmly. “I don’t know a lot of things. But I know when a man loves a woman, and you love her. I just hope by the time we find her that she still loves you…or loves you enough to forgive you for what you did.”

  4

  Sapphire

  With my first paycheck, I bought a condo.

  I paid for it in cash, that way I would never have to worry if I could afford it or not. It wasn’t super fancy like Andrew’s place, but it was a nice unit with twenty-five hundred square feet. It had a great view of the park, it was close to the gym, and it was walking distance to the Lady Lingerie building.

  I couldn’t ask for anything better.

  Independence was invigorating. I didn’t have to rely on anyone for anything, and I missed that feeling. It had been difficult to become dependent on Conway, but once I did, it felt nice. But then he flipped on me and kicked me out on my ass.

  And I realized how weak I was.

  Now I wasn’t weak anymore. I had food on the table, property, and money in the bank.

  It wasn’t a villa in Italy, and living alone was extremely lonely. I wore Conway’s t-shirts every night because I needed them like a security blanket.

  A part of me hoped he would come for me, that he would realize he couldn’t live without me.

  That he loved me.

  It hurt so much to say those words and not have him say it back. It hurt to see how angry my love made him. It turned a perfect man into a raging monster. The idea of being happy and in love with a woman was really that repulsive to him.

  It killed me.

  I stood in the heels Andrew gave me, the pumps silver and sparkling. They were painful like any other shoes I wore, but I had to tough it out. I was getting paid enough for the discomfort.

  I dropped my robe and stood in the silver lingerie Andrew had me try on.

  He sat in the red armchair, looking at me like he wasn’t impressed.

  I straightened my shoulders even more, perfecting my posture the way Conway taught me.

  But Andrew didn’t react. “What do you think?”

  “About what?” I asked.

  “About this bodysuit. What would make it better?”

  I looked at my reflection in the mirror. The bodysuit was simple, skintight with a bow at the top. It didn’t have a lot of texture to it, and it seemed overly boring. “I have no idea…it looks nice to me.”

  “What would Conway do?”

  The question was immediately unwelcome. It made me think it was a cut into my brain, an investigation into what I knew about Conway. I’d seen him design his pieces regularly, but I had no idea what happened in his mind. And even if I did, I would never stoop that low. Even though he turned out to be an asshole who broke my heart, he still treated me right. I had to honor that. “I have no idea. His pieces are pretty simple too.”

  “You really have no recommendations?” he asked.

  “I just model the lingerie, Andrew. Conway didn’t include me in the design process.”

  “But he used you as inspiration, yes?”

  “Yes,” I said. “But again, I don’t know how.”

  Andrew turned back to his sketchbook and made a few marks. He looked up at me from time to time. “This piece needs a lot more work. But when I’m done, I’d like to photograph you for an ad spread in Vogue. Would that be alright?”

  I wasn’t paid to say no. “Of course.”

  “Great. Give me a few more days, and I’ll get back to you.”

  I stared at my phone when I was home.

  I kept expecting Conway’s number to appear on the screen.

  Was he thinking about me? Did he ever think about me?

  Had he already fucked someone else by now?

  I couldn’t let my thoughts go there—not if I didn’t want to drown in misery.

  I allowed myself a glass of wine after my meager dinner of a piece of salmon and veggies. Now I was expected to remain a certain size, so my favorite meals were no longer available. With Conway, he never cared about my waistline. He didn’t treat me differently at my heaviest or my thinnest.

  I sat on the hardwood floor in front of the floor-to-ceiling window. My wineglass was beside me, and I wore Conway’s black t-shirt. It was loose on my arms and my waist, and it stretched all the way down to my knees.

  I stared at the city lights that surrounded the park. It was a beautiful view, but it didn’t compare to the one I saw on that hilltop with Conway. Verona looked beautiful under the sunlight, absolutely stunning.

  He showed me so many beautiful things.

  I wondered what his life was like now. Did he throw away all my belongings? Was he sleeping in the bed we shared together? It’d been two weeks since the last time we’d made love. Did he miss being between my legs? Did he miss it as much as I did?

  Did he have any regrets about the way we left things?

  All I had to do was call him to find out.

  But what if he didn’t have any regrets? What if he hadn’t thought about me once since I left? What if he was annoyed that I called him?

  How would I ever recover from that?

  The risk was too great, so I chickened out.

  When Andrew finished designing the piece, I wore it for the photoshoot.

  It was my first one.

  I had no experience at all, so I tried to pretend I was on the runway. I focused on my posture and my presence. I didn’t smile because Conway told me I should never smile when I was on camera.

  He told me to be sexy…even though that advice wasn’t necessarily helpful.

  I lay back on a bed, the purple comforter and pillow contrasting against the silver lingerie I wore. The photographer moved my hair in different ways, making sure the lighting hit me just right.

  This was different from the runway because this was a single moment in time that was being captured. It would be in magazines all over the world, and there was no doubt Andrew would have it on billboards too.

  I was about to be in the spotlight again.

  I just wondered how long it would take Conway to notice.

  And if he did notice…would he care?

  5

  Conway

  After three weeks, I couldn’t avoid it anymore.

  I had to go back into my bedroom.

  I hadn’t stepped inside since Muse had vacated the premises. She could have looted some of my stuff for all I knew.

  Even though she never would.

  I held my breath as I walked inside, expecting complete destruction. She had been in such a hurry, she might have knocked things over as she stormed out. She was pissed, so she might have shattered the TV and tipped the table over.

  But the sitting room was exactly the same.

  I moved across the room to the bedroom. Once I stepped over the threshold, I saw the chaos. The closet doors were still open, and a lot of her dresses had fallen off their hangers and onto the floor. Her drawer was pulled open, and most of her panties were gone.

  I stepped farther into the room, seeing the piles on the bed that she left behind. She probably
meant to take them with her but she didn’t have room in her bag. It was a shame, because I bought her the most gorgeous clothes money could buy.

  But she had to leave them behind because I threw her out.

  I noticed the champagne dress with the diamonds along the straps. It was beautiful, and I found it odd that it was sitting on the ground directly underneath my dresser. When my eyes moved up, I noticed my drawer was still slightly open. It was where I kept my t-shirts, a drawer that Muse used just as much as I did.

  I opened it and looked inside.

  Half of my shirts were missing.

  She took them.

  Despite what I did, she still wanted a piece of me. And she left one of her favorite dresses behind to make sure she had room for them.

  This was exactly why I hadn’t wanted to come in here.

  Because I knew I would feel like this.

  Like shit.

  I sat at the foot of the bed and rested my elbows on my knees. My hands cupped my skull, and I breathed through the ferocity, breathed through my regret. The last six months of our relationship had been erased in a single night.

  Because of me.

  My phone vibrated in my pocket, and I pulled it out to see Carter’s name on the screen.

  I answered it. “Tell me some good news.”

  “Actually, I do have some good news. But I have some pretty shitty news too.”

  I closed my eyes and rubbed my skull. “I want the bad news first…but only if that means she’s alright. If she’s not alright, just don’t say anything. I can’t bear it…” I’d never been this scared to face the truth. But I’d never cared about something so much that it made me this vulnerable.

  “Alright…I haven’t found her. But I know she’s okay.”

  I released the breath I was holding. “Thank fucking god. What’s the bad news?” Now I could handle anything he said.

  He sighed into the phone. “You aren’t going to like it…”

  “Just tell me, Carter.”

  “Well…she’s modeling for Andrew Lexington now.”

  I heard the words loud and clear, but my brain didn’t work as quickly as my ears. “How…how do you know this?”

  “Because I found a picture of a photoshoot she did for him.”

  “You’re sure it’s her?”

  “There’s no mistake, man. And if I were you…I wouldn’t look at it.”

  A jolt of jealousy and possessiveness rocked through me, making my jaw clench so hard my teeth almost shattered. This was the one time I would take his advice. “That means she must be in New York. But you didn’t see her on any of the flights.”

  “Yeah, I’m not sure how that happened. Must be because of her last name.”

  It’d only been three weeks since she left, and she already managed to make a deal with one of my competitors. How did he find her that quickly? Or did she go to him?

  “Are you going to call him?”

  That was a dead end. “He tried to get a hold of her a few months ago, but I wouldn’t put him through. If I call, he won’t help me.”

  “Too bad you burned that bridge…”

  I had been too possessive of her at the time. And I should have stayed possessive of her. “She must be in New York. I know where his office is, so I should be able to wait outside until she walks in.”

  “You’re just going to ambush her?” he asked.

  “You got a better idea, asshole?” I countered.

  “Hey, I’m trying to help you here, asshole,” he snapped. “I say you have someone tail her and find out where she lives. Show up there. That way you have some privacy to talk. Talking outside Lady Lingerie isn’t going to get you far.”

  “Yeah, you’re probably right.”

  “When are you heading out, then?”

  It was already one in the morning, but I knew I wouldn’t be able to sleep tonight anyway. “Right now.”

  “You want me to come with you?”

  I knew he would tag along to be supportive, but he had other things to worry about. “No. I’ll handle this alone.”

  “Alright. Good luck, man.”

  “Thanks…for all your help.” No matter how stupid I was, I knew I could always turn to Carter to help me out.

  “No problem. But Conway, if you’re lucky enough to get her to listen to you, don’t fuck it up again. You may not get another chance.”

  Last time I was in New York, Muse was my date to my biggest fashion show. Everyone looked at how beautiful she was, how stunning she was on my arm. She was my woman at the time, the woman I took back to my hotel and made love to.

  She was the only woman I ever made love to.

  Now I was back, but this time, she wasn’t with me.

  It was evening when I arrived, so I got some rest and showered the next morning. My PI was ready to follow her once she made her move, and he got me the details I wanted to know by the end of the day.

  She lived across the street from Central Park, in a building that was for homeowners only.

  Which meant she bought some real estate.

  And that also meant Andrew was paying her well.

  But he’d better only be paying her for her work in front of the camera—and nothing else.

  After she finished her day of work, she went to the gym down the street. So I waited outside her condo door for her, waiting for the time to trickle by until she returned. I wasn’t even sure what I was going to say to her when I saw her.

  I’m sorry?

  Could I really apologize after being the biggest dick on the planet? Would an apology mean something to this woman who was kicked out on her ass? If I apologized a hundred times, would it ever erase my stupid decision?

  She shouldn’t forgive me.

  She shouldn’t have loved me in the first place.

  An hour later, her footsteps sounded around the corner. I knew it was her before she was visible because I recognized her footfalls. After living with her for months, I knew all the small details about her, even the way her small feet hit the hardwood as she moved. I knew the quiet sighs she would make when she was about to fall asleep. I knew the way she always touched her hair when she looked in the mirror, slightly self-conscious about her appearance.

  She rounded the corner in black leggings and a tight t-shirt. Her long hair was pulled back into a ponytail, and her face was slightly flushed from the workout she’d just had. She didn’t wear any makeup, and that highlighted her perfect complexion. Her eyes were focused on her hands as she moved her keys around until she found the right one.

  She didn’t notice me until she almost bumped into me.

  The keys fell to the floor, making a loud rattle once metal hit wood.

  She inhaled a quick breath in surprise, her hand still extended where her keys should be. Based on her large eyes and the pure shock on her face, I was the last thing she expected to see when she rounded the corner.

  My eyes took in her face, seeing the perfect skin without any hint of a bruise. She wore expensive workout clothes, and her hair was properly taken care of. She looked healthy and glowing, no sign of trauma or abuse.

  I was so fucking relieved.

  She held my gaze, the surprise slowly fading away and annoyance taking over. Now she was angry with me, livid after the way we left things.

  As she should be.

  “What do you want, Conway?” Cold, malicious, and angry, she didn’t hold back.

  I blocked the door so she couldn’t dart inside and slam it in my face. “Can I come in?”

  She bent down and picked up her keys, her eyebrows furrowed in displeasure. “I don’t want my neighbors to hate me, so that’s probably a good idea.” She unlocked the door then stepped inside.

  I could have let myself into her apartment and waited for her to return, but I didn’t want to piss her off the second she saw me.

  She was already pissed off enough.

  I stepped inside her place and saw the elegant decor she had. It reminded me of my house
in Italy, and I wondered if she did that on purpose. There was a nice living room, a full kitchen, and a dining room. The hallway turned to the left, and I suspected it led to several different bedrooms.

  “You have a nice place.” She’d done very well for herself in only three weeks. I shouldn’t have underestimated her.

  “Thanks.” She set her bag down and dropped her keys into the bowl. She turned around and faced me, her arms crossed over her chest. She didn’t look at me with the affectionate gaze she used to have. She didn’t rake her eyes over my body with lust. Now she stared at me like I was nothing but a nuisance. “What do you want, Conway?”

  I slid my hands into the pockets of my jeans and admired her trim body. She was beautiful, perfect like she was when she’d left my home. With her pretty eyes glued to my face, I didn’t know where to start. “I’ve been trying to call you for a while.”

  Her arms tightened, and her gaze remained as cold as ever. “It didn’t work here, so I got rid of it.”

  I gave a slight nod. “I was really worried about you…I searched everywhere for you.”

  “If you were that worried, maybe you shouldn’t have thrown me out in the middle of the night.” She didn’t raise her voice, but her clipped tone showed her heavy resentment.

  I didn’t have a comeback to that because she was totally right. My temper peaked, and I lost control of my faculties. “You’re right. I shouldn’t have done that. I wish I could take it back.”

  “You can’t, Conway. There are some things you can’t take back…that’s one of them.”

  I closed my eyes for a moment, her anger burning me all the way down to the bone. I didn’t have a rebuttal because there was nothing that could justify my behavior. It didn’t matter how pissed I had been. “I want you to know I’m sorry…even if that means nothing to you. I haven’t slept much because I’ve been so terrified that something happened to you. I had all my guys combing the streets for you. My life has been flipped upside down. The rare times that I could sleep, I had nightmares that Knuckles got you. If you think I’ve just returned to my former life, I haven’t. I’ve done nothing but suffer this entire time.”