Buttons and Pain Read online

  “I’m sorry…” My nightmare was too much, but I could only imagine how bad his were.

  “It’s okay. They’ve more infrequent than they used to be.”

  “Because you count?”

  “No. They’ve slowed down since you came into my life.”

  My eyes softened and I finally stopped thinking about my nightmare altogether.

  “They’ll go away, Button. Give it enough time and they will. Until then, just count. It always works.”

  “Okay.”

  He pressed a kiss to my forehead before he rubbed his nose against mine. “Would a walk make you feel better?”

  “Outside? But it’s dark.”

  “The sun is coming up soon. We can watch the sunrise together.”

  His bed was warm and comfortable, and the walls of his estate kept us safe. But there’s nothing I wanted to do more than hold his hand as the sun welcomed us to a new day. “That sounds nice.”

  ***

  “Hey, lovebird.” Cane walked toward me wearing one of his expensive suits. Most of the time he wore jeans and a leather jacket. I wasn’t sure what he needed to dress up for. In his line of work it didn’t seem like professionalism was important.

  “Hey, shithead.”

  He immediately grinned at the insult like I just paid him a compliment. “You guys have been shacking up nicely.”

  Despite what he did to me, I didn’t hate him. Somehow I forgave him for his behavior and actually like him. He was Crow’s only family in the world so it was impossible not to be fond of him. If Crow ever needed help, he would be there in a heartbeat. That was the kind of loyalty you couldn’t buy. “Yes, we have.” I glanced at the top of the stairs and waited for Crow to appear. He and Cane had business together that afternoon.

  “This is the moment when I act like an ass and say I told you so.”

  I crossed my arms over my chest and glared at him.

  “Don’t deny it.” He poked me in the arm. “I was right. You were wrong.”

  “About?”

  “Don’t play dumb with me. I told you he loved you.”

  “Well, I did believe you. Remember? I told him how I felt and he walked out of the room. So no, you didn’t tell me so.”

  He rolled his eyes. “Crow was being a cunt. That doesn’t count.”

  “It does.” I moved all the way back to America for two months. It sure as hell counted.

  “Well, he pulled his head out his ass and told you. In the end, everyone wins.”

  That was the only part of this conversation I couldn’t argue with. “What are you two doing today?”

  “We’re meeting with a rogue group of soldiers from Greece. In order for us to get intel on Bones we need to spread the perimeter and bring more people on board. Crow and I have put a halt to both of our businesses to focus on this.”

  I was relieved by the announcement. Maybe when Bones was dead I wouldn’t have nightmares anymore. Maybe we could all move on and leave the past where it belonged. “I’m sure we’ll get him.”

  “Definitely. When my brother puts his mind to something he always succeeds—especially when it concerns you.” He adjusted his cuff links and glanced at the top of the stairs to search for his brother. “Running late today, huh?”

  “We may have gotten distracted…”

  He grinned then gave me a gentle nudge in the side. “Please tell me you have a sister.”

  “Nope. And if I did, I wouldn’t let her anywhere near you.”

  He chuckled and pulled away. “That’s probably for the best. At least you’re getting a brother.” He winked.

  Crow and I never talked about marriage. The last time it came up he said it wasn’t on the table and I said the same thing. He confessed he loved me and wanted me to live with him. But I knew that was as far as our relationship would go. Maybe it wasn’t everything I wanted, but I would settle for what he’d given me. “I don’t think that will ever happen. But you feel like a brother anyway.”

  “You really think so?” he asked with a raised eyebrow. “My brother is head over heels, in case you didn’t notice.”

  “As am I. But he’s not the marriage type.”

  “I don’t know about that…he says a lot of things.”

  “I think I know him a little better than you do.”

  He grinned from ear to ear and actually laughed. “Whatever you say, sweetheart.”

  Crow finally came down the stairs in a midnight back suit and a white collared shirt. The tie he’d chosen for the day was deep purple. The colors he chose always accented his dark exterior and brought out his mocha eyes. He adjusted his cuff links just before he reached us. “Ready?”

  “Like you wouldn’t believe.” Cane turned his back and headed to the door to give us some privacy.

  “I’ll see you when I get home.” His arm moved around my waist and he gave me a soft kiss on the lips.

  “Okay. I’m making mac and cheese for dinner.”

  The corner of his lip rose in a smile. “I’ll make sure Lars makes something as a backup.”

  I slapped his arm playfully. “Don’t diss the mac and cheese until you’ve tried it.”

  “Diss?” he asked. “Another American slang word I’ll never understand.”

  I slapped him again. “Stop picking on me.”

  He grabbed my wrist and yanked me into his chest. His voice suddenly turned serious. “I’ll pick on you all I want—because you’re mine to pick on.” He kissed me hard on the mouth and nearly bruised my lips before he abruptly pulled away and walked off. His powerful shoulders moved as he headed to the front door where his brother was waiting. Even his ass looked nice in his slacks.

  Winded and slightly out of breath, I began the countdown until he would return.

  ***

  I stood at the stove and stirred the contents of the pot.

  Crow leaned against the counter behind me, his arms crossed over his chest. “Maybe I shouldn’t have given Lars the night off…”

  “Oh shut up. It’s good.”

  “I’m not even sure where you found it.”

  “Lars has his ways.” After the powdered cheese and butter was melted, I poured the contents onto two plates.

  Crow eyed it, his appetite still dormant. “Anything with powdered cheese can’t be edible.”

  “Stop being a pretentious douchebag.”

  His eyes narrowed immediately. “What did you just call me?”

  “You heard me.” I dropped a fork in my bowl and did the same to his. “Now clear your mind and give it a try.”

  He eyed the bowl without touching it. “How is your body so fucking sexy when you eat shit like this?”

  “Goddammit, Crow. Just try it.” I held the bowl close to my chest and took a bite. “Yum…” The cheesy goodness was incredible. The Italian gourmet food that was cooked for me around the clock was delicious but sometimes junk food hit the right spot.

  He sighed before he pulled the bowl closer to him. Hesitantly, he scooped the noodle onto his fork then brought it toward his lips. He faltered for an instant, dreading how bad the food would taste or how much it would suck to admit I was right.

  “Come on. Or do you I need to feed you?”

  “We could smear this across your naked body. I’d definitely eat then.”

  As appetizing as that sounded, I didn’t want sticky processed cheese all over me. “The sooner you do it, the sooner it’s over. You’re just afraid you’re actually going to like it.”

  “Believe me, I’m not going to like this horseshit.”

  “I didn’t know if I was going to like Italian food but I still tried.”

  He rolled his eyes. “Everyone likes Italian food. Pasta is king.”

  I nodded at his bowl. “And what do you think is in there?”

  He gave me a solid look right in the eye. “Horseshit.”

  I set my bowl on the kitchen island between us and put both hands on my hips. The small monster instead me came out, claws and fangs expose
d. “Take a bite.”

  “Or what?” His eyes immediately went to my mouth, his thoughts automatically turning sinister the moment things became tense.

  “Nothing good.”

  He fought against the emerging smile and finally took a bite. He shoved the noodles into his mouth and slowly chewed before he did a dramatic swallow. With an unreadable expression, he took his time.

  “Well?” There was no way he wasn’t going to love it.

  He set the bowl down and looked me right in the eye. “Horseshit.”

  I threw my eyes down in ferocity. “You’re such a liar.” I chased him around the kitchen island and swatted him with a dish towel. “You liked it and you know it.”

  He ran around to avoid the bite of the towel. As I chased him, he laughed. It was one of the rare times I actually heard that hearty chuckle come from deep in his throat. His smile was infectious, for a moment I got a glimpse of what he might have been like as a child. He was playful and happy, the light burning bright in his soul. “Button, I love you. But I don’t love your cooking.”

  “I’ll make you regret that.” I chased him past the counter and further into the kitchen. I wound up the towel then struck him right on the ass. He wore snug jeans, and the towel made a loud pop once it hit the denim.

  He suddenly turned around and grabbed me by the back of the neck. With the strength of a soldier he bent me over the counter and threw my dress up in a single motion. The towel was snatched from my grasp before he slapped it across my bare ass.

  I tensed as the pain shot down my thighs and up my back. The bite of the material was strong enough to leave a welt, but the shock of the collision made my pussy clench in longing. He hadn’t been aggressive with me since I left for America and I missed that dark side of him. It was satisfying and terrifying all at the same time.

  Crow pressed his chest into my back then rubbed my ass with his long fingers. His breaths filled my ear, his excitement evident in every single pant. “Did you like that?”

  I didn’t let a single second of silence linger. “Yes.”

  He turned me around then lifted me onto the counter. He wrapped my legs around his waist and pulled my chest to his until our faces were touching. His hands moved up and down my body, feeling me everywhere like I was only his to feel. They grazed over my tits through my t-shirt then finally stopped at my neck. He brushed his lips against mine, slowly teasing me before he gave me the kiss I longed for.

  I wrapped my arms around his neck and felt his mouth move against mine. With restrained intensity he kissed me slowly. His lips felt mine with purposeful touches, and he sucked my bottom lip into his mouth playfully before he released it. He was a god at everything, but when was Zeus when it came to kissing. He could give me the most scorching embraces without even using his tongue. He always saved that for the climax of the embrace. When he released a tiny moan into my mouth I was immediately soaked for him. Finally, he gave me some of his tongue and brushed it against mine with practiced experience and made my heart flutter wildly in my chest.

  Unexpectedly, he pulled away and removed his scotch soaked lips. With amber eyes dark and rich like a glass of his favorite drink he stared me down without blinking. He glanced my lips, the corner of my mouth, then rested his look on my eyes. Both of his palms cupped my face as he leaned in. “I love you.”

  My chest heaved with the deep breath that just burned my chest. When he first said those words to me I cherished them like a holy blessing. He didn’t repeat them after that night, not when he went to work in the morning or before he went to sleep beside me. It was a one-time thing, and I hoped I’d have the opportunity to hear that confession again. Thankfully, I did. “I love you too.”

  ***

  When I woke up that morning, it was earlier than I was used to. The sun was unusually bright and it burned right into my eyelids and forced my mind to accept the fact it was the beginning of a new day.

  The second my eyes cracked open the sun was blinding and warm. The birds sang from the trees outside, picking grapes from the vineyard and enjoying the fruit from the branches in the trees. The noise didn’t alarm me until I realized I shouldn’t be able to hear it.

  I reached for Crow beside me and realized the sheets were cold. His large body wasn’t there to protect me against my foes and my dreams. “Crow?” I sat up and pulled the sheets over my chest as I looked around the bedroom. Nothing was out of the ordinary. His watch and phone were gone, so wherever he was he took them along.

  That’s when I noticed the window was wide open. The shutters were pushed outward and the deep blue sky was just over the horizon. I used to leave my window open in my old room but it was a practice I never did in here. He must have left it open just for me.

  On the windowsill was something small. It glinted in the light of the room and reflected it like a piece of metal. Underneath was a sheet of paper. The image reminded me of the morning I woke up in this new place. He left me a note and commanded me not to run.

  I got out of bed and pulled on the dress I’d been wearing the night before. My hair was a messy from the way he fisted it the night before, and I quickly tucked the tangled strands behind my ears so I could see. I walked to the window to get a better look at the treasures he left for me.

  Sitting on the windowsill was a ring. Made of brilliant gold, the band was thin and slender. Instead of a diamond on the top was a gold button with a pearl inside. It was welded to the material and indestructible. I felt it in my fingertips and noticed how warm the metal was from sitting in the sun all morning. I turned my gaze to the yellow parchment placed underneath it. In Crow’s handwriting, there was a note.

  Marry me.

  My heart stopped in my chest when I read those two simple words. It wasn’t a question but a demand, and I heard Crow’s voice in my head as I read those beautiful words. My eyes immediately moved to the view out of the window, and in the field of grass and flowers stood Crow. In a black suit with a matching tie, he stared up at me with the same intense look he always gave me. He’d been watching me this entire time, seeing me discover the ring and the note.

  Without realizing it, the tears fell from my eyes.

  Crow held my gaze then slowly lowered himself to one knee. He kneeled before me, just as he did once before. He was the kind of man who never yielded to anyone, but he yielded to me. He continued to watch me, his back perfectly straight and the command in his eyes.

  “Oh my god…” I slipped the ring onto my finger and noticed it fit perfectly. It was snug enough that it would slide off, and it was loose enough that it felt comfortable. The button shined brighter than any diamond ever could.

  I ran out of the room as fast as I could and sprinted down the stairs while holding the banister. Eternity seemed to pass because there was so much ground to cover. My heart was in overdrive and my lungs worked at full capacity. I reached the backdoor and pushed through it until I was finally in the backyard. I ran down the path and rounded the corner to where he stood. My hair trailed behind me as I ran, and when I saw the smile on his face I ran harder.

  I jumped into his arms and hooked my arms around his neck. He caught me effortlessly, his strong arms keeping me positioned against his chest. I pressed my forehead to his, my eyes still streaming with tears. “Yes.”

  “Yes what?”

  “I’ll marry you.”

  One had fisted my hair as he looked deep into my eyes. “I never asked, Button.”

  Chapter Twenty

  Crow

  Button laid on my chest with her long brown hair framing her face. One hand rested on my ribcage, and the ring I made for her sparkled like a set of diamonds. When I decided to take this step I knew an expensive ring made of the highest quality jewels wasn’t the right fit for her. Button deserved something unique, something meaningful.

  A button was the only choice.

  After spending most of the afternoon making love with our meals left outside our door, we were lost in each other. Nothing was said b
ecause our eyes did all the talking. When I made love to her, her eyes were bright with unconditional love and sexual satisfaction. When she looked into my face I knew she saw a man strengthened by love.

  Marriage was never in the cards for me. I didn’t even want a relationship for most of my adult life. But then Button walked in and turned my world upside down. When she was with another man I drowned in my own rage. When she was taken by Bones’s men I saw more rage than ever before. Button was different than the other woman who grazed my bed.

  Because she was the last one.

  I wanted her to be mine forever. I didn’t just want to live with her and share my home with her. I wanted it to belong to her as well. She would take my last name, and the world would know we weren’t just two people in love—but we were husband and wife.

  She trailed her fingers down my rib cage then placed a gentle kiss over my heart. “I want to make love again.” She crawled further up my chest, her tits in perfect view for me to enjoy. Her sculpted shoulders and slender arms held her above me, and her legs slowly straddled my hips.

  As much as I wanted to, I already came inside her four times. My body needed time to recover. “Give me an hour.”

  She pouted her lips then leaned forward to kiss me.

  I hugged her waist then rolled her over onto the bed. I moved on top of her until she was underneath me, the sparkle of life in hers. Her lips were formed in a permanent smile and her hair was a mess across the pillow. “Button Barsetti. I like it.”

  She smiled wider, her happiness infectious. “That wouldn’t be my legal name.”

  “As far as I’m concerned, it would.”

  “Pearl Barsetti. It sounds just as nice.”

  I’d never called her by that name once. Button was so much better, so much more possessive. “The only name people will call you is Mrs. Barsetti. So it doesn’t matter.”

  “I like it.” She ran her hands up my chest and to my shoulders. “I didn’t realize marriage was something you wanted.”

  I’d been thinking about it for a while, but I tried to fight it in the beginning. My mind kept picturing her living at my estate until she was old and gray. Sometimes she was pregnant with my child, and other times she was playing with our kids in the backyard. “I didn’t either.”