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  Even though I didn’t have a wife.

  So I was jerking off like a fucking teenager.

  I’d killed my father and committed other horrendous crimes…but did I deserve this?

  I finished my plate and left the dishes behind. I continued to sit in the chair because I knew what would happen the second I got into bed. I dreamed about that moment, but I also dreaded it. “I can take these dishes downstairs and wash them.”

  “Nonsense. I’ll carry them downstairs next time I go down.”

  “No, I will.” I stacked the dishes and covered them with my linen napkin so it wouldn’t make the bedroom smell like room service in a hotel. I rose to my feet and walked to my side of the bed. My phone was placed on the nightstand, along with my watch. It was just the way I had it at home. My watch used to be tucked into my dresser because I chose a new one every day, but since Sofia gave that one to me, I didn’t have the heart to ever change it. I still remembered the moment she gave it to me so vividly. In that instant, my life changed forever. I got everything I ever wanted, and I was happy. I wasn’t happy anymore, but I continued to wear it…because the memory was strong enough to lift my sorrow sometimes. I wasn’t sure I would be able to wear it once she remarried. Knowing she’d told another man she loved him would just make it too difficult.

  “Are you alright?”

  I didn’t realize I’d been staring at the nightstand for over a minute now. I couldn’t live in the moment with her because I was constantly dragged into the past and the future. I turned to her then finally got into bed without answering her question. I turned off the bedside lamp and let the room descend into darkness.

  She closed her book and set it on her nightstand before she got comfortable beside me. She didn’t reach out and touch me, keeping her hands to herself.

  I lay on my back with my hands on my stomach, my blood running hot because I knew she was right beside me. In a nightdress with her long hair falling to my fingertips, she represented the strongest kind of temptation. She was practically a sack of a billion euro…and I forced myself not to take it.

  “Come here,” she whispered in the darkness. She beckoned to me with the beautiful sound of her voice. It was intoxicating in tone and affection.

  I tried to resist as long as I could, but I knew how this would end. What was the point in fighting? I turned on my side and faced her, getting a jolt of pain when I saw how beautiful she was with her cheek to the pillow. With her hair flowing around her, she looked angelic.

  Her dress was pulled up to her chest so her belly was visible. The swell of her stomach was so enticing, the way her natural arch deepened because her weight distribution had changed. There were stretch marks below her belly button, but even those were sexy. “Touch me.”

  I hadn’t felt my son as much as I would’ve liked. Being apart for months had denied me the luxury. I couldn’t resist the offer now, so I placed my hand over her large stomach and noticed the distinct hardness, the vibration of life underneath my palm. It was a riveting experience, but it also made hair stand up on the back of my neck, made me so hard that my boxers barely fit. I couldn’t explain my powerful attraction. She’d been my wife when she was petite, curvy, and fitting into a size zero with no struggle. She was a million times sexier like this, with this belly sticking out from her frame. The words left my lips entirely on their own. “You are so sexy, baby…” I stared at my large palm as it rested on top of her. I was a big man, but even my large hand couldn’t cover her entirely. My eyes drifted back to hers to see her reaction to my bold confession.

  She used to be so confident, but now she was timid with self-doubt. She dropped her gaze for an instant because she didn’t have the fire to hold my look. “I have stretch marks now. I’ll probably always have them.”

  “What’s wrong with that?”

  “My skin isn’t perfect anymore.”

  “I think it is perfect. Now you have scars, and scars are sexy. Men go to war, and they’re proud of the permanent changes to their bodies. Women like men who’ve seen challenges, who’ve survived scary things.” My fingers gently rubbed her stomach. “You’re going to do the most difficult thing a human can do…give life. Of course, your body won’t be the same, but it’ll be better. You’ll have battle scars…and that’s so sexy.” No guy would ever lose his arousal at the sight of her, at least, a real man wouldn’t. Maybe I felt differently because she was giving birth to my son—and that was the sexiest thing she could do.

  She lifted her gaze to meet mine again, this time less afraid. “You always know what to say…”

  “I’m not saying anything. I’m telling you the truth. You are…” My words left my mouth and my brain when I felt a distinct movement under my palm. There was a definite vibration under the skin, a jolt of activity that was coming from inside her. My eyes returned to her belly and I became very still because I wasn’t sure what I’d felt, but I was prepared to feel it again.

  She placed her hand on top of mine and guided me to the exact location where Andrew was moving. She was used to the way he moved, the way he lived inside of her. “Hades, meet your son.”

  Sofia had an extra room across the hall, so I used it as an office during the day. I sat there with my laptop open so I could manage projects at the bank while I was away. Damien was in town, so he could handle things in my stead. I didn’t have to ask permission to leave…like I did with Maddox.

  I spoke to Damien on the phone about a couple things. I hadn’t figured out what to do about our jointly owned business. We both had too much at stake, and neither one of us wanted to be bought out. At the end of the day, we both liked our jobs. That forced us to work together and play nice.

  “How long are you going to be gone?” Damien asked.

  “Probably two weeks.”

  “Well, alright. I’ll handle all the meetings. How’s Sofia?”

  “Uncomfortable. She’s pretty big.”

  “Well, tell her I said hi and congratulations.”

  “I will.” I hung up.

  A few minutes later, Sofia walked inside. She wore a short floral dress with her hair styled prettily. She waddled into the room and came to my side. “You’ve been working all day.”

  My eyes started at her ankles and drifted up her legs until I stared at her stomach for a couple seconds. I’d been sleeping beside her for a few nights, my hand on her stomach as I drifted off to sleep. It was the most comfortable I’d been in months, just feeling my son inside her. Sometimes, he woke me up when he kicked, but I didn’t mind the interruption at all. I’d assumed we would be sleeping together, but that was all we did…sleep. It was what I preferred, but I was disappointed by it.

  Maybe Sofia knew sex was a bad idea. Maybe it was too emotional for her last time, made her miss me so much it was painful. She’d whispered how much she loved me and wouldn’t let me go until the next morning. Maybe she didn’t want to put herself through that either.

  I closed my laptop. “Taking care of stuff at the bank.”

  “Everything okay?”

  “Yeah. Just bureaucratic stuff.”

  “If you’re free, would you want to see Andrew’s room?”

  The room where he would grow, cry, and sleep? The room I would never get to see again? I wouldn’t be there for the diaper changes and the nighttime feedings. I would never get to keep my son for a couple weeks in Florence. My relationship would always take place from a distance. “Yes.”

  She took me down the hall, and we stepped into the baby’s room. It was painted blue like the sky, and there was a gray crib against the wall. There were already diapers piled on the dresser and so many toys he wouldn’t know what to play with first. I stepped into the center of the room and looked around, feeling a million emotions at once.

  Then I noticed a picture frame on the dresser.

  It was a picture of me.

  I stood in a suit and leaned against a balcony. It was a candid shot, and I must’ve been talking to somebody because I was s
miling. It was clearly taken on our wedding day, but my bride was nowhere visible. I stared for a long time, feeling touched and scarred at the same time.

  Sofia followed my gaze. “I know you won’t be here as much as you’d like, so I want Andrew to be able to see you whenever he wants.”

  I felt a million emotions at once. I wanted to burst into tears, but I also wanted to demolish that whole room. I felt like a ghost observing someone else live my life. I felt like I was watching my life before my death. This wasn’t a punishment; it was a crime. I didn’t deserve this regardless of the things I’d done. This life should be mine, but after my son was born, I would be back to the shadows…back to the prison.

  I no longer had control of my body. My feet moved on their own, and I was in the throes of an emotional breakdown. I gave her no explanation before I stormed out and left the house. If I stayed, I would say things I regretted. If I stayed, she would watch me collapse and combust.

  I barely made it to the street corner before I burst into tears.

  I ended up in a bar close by. Scotch was the only friend I’d had throughout the years, so now I leaned on it more than I ever had before. There were people everywhere, but I felt alone. The free drinks sent my way were disregarded, and I stared into my glass as I calmed myself down.

  Sofia gave me space and didn’t call me. It’d been hours since I stormed off and disappeared. I just needed a break from the suffocation, from the reminder of all the things I couldn’t have.

  Sometimes I wish I didn’t love her.

  My phone lit up with a text message. Heard you were in the city. Wanna get a drink?

  It was my brother Ash, and I quickly deduced Sofia had reached out to him. I’m already having a drink.

  Then have another.

  I texted him the bar and waited for him to show up.

  Fifteen minutes later, he sat on the stool beside me and ordered a gin and tonic. He stared straight ahead and didn’t say anything for a while. The nice thing about my brother was that he didn’t immediately interrogate me.

  It was nice because I’d never been much of a talker.

  “Sofia told me you could use a friend.”

  No, I could use a wife. I could use a son. I kept drinking and sat quietly.

  “You want to talk about it?”

  I shook my head.

  “Alright.” He sat there quietly with me…just being with me.

  “What exactly did she say?”

  “That you left the house abruptly and were upset. Didn’t say much else.”

  Why didn’t she come after me herself? Not that I wanted her to…

  “I know this is hard for you, man. You’re entitled to be upset.”

  I never said otherwise.

  “You should tell her how you feel.”

  I slowly turned to him, my eyebrow raised. “What good would that do?”

  He shrugged. “It won’t change anything. But it might make you feel better…get all the shit off your chest. She used to be the person you confided everything to. Just ’cause she’s no longer your wife doesn’t mean you can’t still do that.”

  I shook my head slightly. “I’m not her problem anymore.”

  “If she didn’t love you, she wouldn’t have called me. And as long as she still loves you, you’ll always be her problem.”

  I walked into her bedroom late at night. It was almost eleven in the evening when I arrived back at the house. I was hoping she would be asleep, but I also knew she would be sitting up waiting for me, a book in her lap.

  When I walked in the door, that was exactly what she was doing.

  She shut the book and put it on her nightstand before she got out of bed. In the same nightdress she wore every night, she looked so damn pretty. Made me hate her even more. “Are you okay?”

  Scotch was on my breath, and I was in a sour mood. I hated her because I loved her. And the more I loved her, the more I hated her. “I fucking hate this. We’ve been apart almost as long as we were married, but I somehow love you more now than I did then.”

  She turned still on the spot, listening to me with emotion in her eyes.

  “I haven’t fucked anyone else because I’m still in love with you. I dream of you, I miss you. And walking into Andrew’s room only reminds me of what I’m missing, what I can never have.”

  A thin film of moisture developed in her eyes. “I know…”

  “I’m happy we’re having this baby. If I’m going to have kids with anyone, I want it to be with you. But I also want to be a family. I want to come home to you every day. I want Andrew to piss all over me when I’m changing his diaper. I want all that stupid bullshit that most men hate. I assumed this time apart would weaken my heart, but it’s only made it stronger.”

  Two tears escaped her eyes and dripped down her face.

  “I fucking hate this…”

  She wiped away the tear tracks on her cheeks with her fingertips. “I hate it too. I can’t picture myself being with anyone else but you. Antonio asked me out, and I just couldn’t imagine myself going out with him…or anyone else. When I talk about you, I always call you my husband, even though you aren’t anymore. I know this is hard for you. I just want you to know it’s hard for me too.”

  It’d never be as hard for her as it was for me. I was stuck with Maddox…and I’d never escape.

  “Hades, I love you so much.”

  I closed my eyes because I regretted my outburst. If I’d kept my emotions in check, this conversation wouldn’t be happening. It wasn’t helping either one of us. Only making it a million times worse. I liked knowing she was still in love with me…but I also hated it at the same time.

  Now I didn’t know what to do. I could leave and wait until Andrew was born, but all the emotions were already on the table. I was already hurting, and I couldn’t hurt more. It didn’t matter what I did next because the end result would be exactly the same.

  Sofia crossed the distance between us and moved into me. When her hands went to the crooks of my elbows, I knew what would come next. But this time, I didn’t want to fight it. This time, I needed it.

  She cupped the back of my head, her fingers moving into my hair, and she pulled my face to hers and kissed me. She instantly took a breath when our mouths combined. The electricity burned her just the way it burned me.

  My hand wrapped around her waist, and one hand dug into the back of her hair. I tugged her flush against me, feeling our son between us as I kissed her with all the feeling in my heart. I released all my longing, all the aches and pains in my chest, and I threw myself into her.

  She clung to me just as hard, crushing our lips together as she kissed me with more passion than she ever had. Her tongue moved into my mouth, and she found mine before they danced together.

  I pulled her nightdress over her head and continued to kiss her without skipping a beat. My hands moved to her thong and yanked it down so I could grab her cheek with one hand and squeeze. This woman could be mine for a little longer before I had to let her go forever. When she’d left me, I didn’t really have the opportunity to treasure her. Everything happened so fast, and we were both too upset to appreciate our final moments together. But now we were ready to say goodbye, to have this final chance.

  She pulled my shirt over my head and got me undressed, barely pulling her lips away from mine long enough to take a breath. She tugged my boxers over my hips and got me down to my skin before she guided me to the bed. She was the one who shoved me back.

  I lay back on the bed and propped myself up on my elbows. The sight before me was so erotic, I forgot to breathe. Both of my hands formed fists, and my entire body turned just as hard as my dick as I watched Sofia move on top of me. She straddled my hips and widened her thighs so she could sit on my dick and slowly lower herself until only my balls were free.

  I closed my eyes and moaned because it was almost too much to take. Her belly, her tits, everything was so perfect. I lay there as if restrained and watched her bounce up and dow
n and ride my dick just the way she used to. I was too weak to do anything but enjoy it, to let my broken soul escape my chest and wrap around hers. “I love you, baby.”

  She moved up and down and rolled her hips, her eyes on mine. “I love you too…”

  10

  Sofia

  I sat across from Hades at the restaurant. It was the middle of the day, and we’d decided to get out for lunch. The last two days had been spent mostly in silence. He told me he loved me, and I said I felt the same way…but we never really spoke of it again. He’d slept beside me for the last few nights, and we weren’t bothering to try to resist what we really wanted.

  We went at it all night.

  I appreciated every second we were together because it calmed the chaos around us. I missed being connected to someone like that, to feel the passion and so much love. I missed this man with all my heart, and I didn’t know if I could ever let him go.

  I was uncomfortable all the time because of my ridiculously big belly. The chair was hard on my back, and I couldn’t sit close to the table because I was too big. But it was nice to get out instead of sitting at home and waiting for the baby to come.

  Hades glanced at the menu before he lifted his gaze and looked at me. “What are you getting?”

  “Everything.”

  The corner of his lip rose in a slight smile, a rare event for someone like him. He set down his menu and continued to look at me.

  I missed seeing him wearing his wedding ring. When he used to wear it, he didn’t attract so much female attention. But now most women looked at him, trying to figure out if he was available or not.