Divine in Lingerie: Lingerie #9 Read online

  But I could never take it down.

  I felt his presence everywhere, especially in my heart. I dreamed of his kiss, of his large body on top of mine. Sometimes I dreamed of us staring at each other, his intense blue eyes looking into mine with possession. That man was embedded so deeply into my heart that the bruise would be there forever.

  Another man could never erase him. There would always be a trace there, always be a scar there.

  I wondered if this pain would ever end. I couldn’t even look at another man because it felt wrong. A man made a pass at me at the bakery the other day, and he was tall and handsome, but I still didn’t care.

  He wasn’t Bones.

  I couldn’t picture myself making love to someone else, kissing someone else. Even if I did, there would only be one man on my mind. I would close my eyes and pretend it was him instead of the man inside me.

  I was just as in love with him as I’d always been.

  I sat in the darkness and wondered what he was doing. Where was he? Was he awake at that very moment thinking of me? Had he been with someone else yet? Was he taking this breakup much better than I was?

  Did he still love me?

  Sometimes I expected to see him across the street from my gallery, watching over me like he always did. But he was never there. At nighttime, I looked out the window and expected his truck to be parked across the street. But he was never there.

  There was no reason to protect me anymore. I didn’t need to be protected anymore, not when my father was watching me just as intently as he used to. There was no danger surrounding me, not when I lived a quiet life painting.

  Bones had no reason to check on me.

  I grabbed my phone off the nightstand and stared at the bright screen in the darkness. I’d been tempted to call him so many times, but never as tempted as I was in that moment. Instead of missing him less as time passed, I seemed to miss him more.

  I just wanted to hear his voice.

  I didn’t know what we would talk about. I didn’t want to know how he was spending his nights, and he didn’t want to know how miserable I was. The conversation would bring us nothing but pain.

  I shouldn’t call.

  My hand shook as I held the phone. My finger ached to pull up his number and make the call. My emotions were erratic, but my logic was somehow stronger. I put the phone back on the nightstand.

  But I didn’t go to sleep.

  I arrived at the house early the next morning, wearing a nice dress that I had to have taken in because it was too big. Father wasn’t on my mind because I was thinking about Conway. I didn’t like the way we’d left things last night. I had to make it right, even if he was wrong.

  I walked into the house and ran into my mother first.

  Mama stopped in the entryway, and her smile faded away almost instantly. Her eyes suddenly reflected the sorrow in my heart. It was like looking into a mirror, seeing my heartbroken image staring back at me. She felt my pain, felt it just by looking at me. “Sweetheart…” She wrapped her arms around me in the entryway.

  I let my mother hold me. I used her strength as a crutch and accepted the safe place she offered. I hadn’t seen her since Bones left because I preferred my bubble of isolation. But I knew she’d been thinking about me, worrying about me constantly. “Hey, Mama.”

  She ran her hand down my hair, feeling the soft strands along my back. She rested her head against mine, her natural smell surrounding me, reminding me of my childhood.

  I didn’t want to make today about me. My heartbreak was irrelevant. My family had been patient with me for the last month. My brother would normally be harsher with me, but since he knew I was struggling, he let a lot of my behavior slide.

  When I’d taken enough advantage of my mother’s comfort, I pulled back. “I want today to be about Conway and Sapphire, not me.” I held her gaze with all the confidence I could muster. “So let’s not talk about it. We should all be happy today. I’m getting a sister, you’re getting a daughter. We have so much to be thankful for.” I didn’t want to take away my parents’ joy today. Their only son was getting married, and it should be an exciting time for them.

  “Alright,” she whispered. “But your father is having a hard time being happy when he’s so worried about you…and your relationship.” She rubbed her hand up and down my arm. “I know this is hard for you, but your father loves you more than anything in this world…including me. He always puts you before himself.”

  “I know…”

  “Then make this right with him.”

  “I’m not ready…”

  Her eyes crinkled with sadness. “Then make sure he knows you love him and you forgive him. But you need some time to bounce back. I haven’t seen him this low in a long time.”

  I didn’t want my father to be in pain, even if he was wrong about Bones. “I’ll go talk to him.”

  She squeezed my arm. “That’s a good idea. I know this is hard for you…just remember it’s hard for him too.”

  I made my way upstairs and stopped on the second floor where my brother’s childhood bedroom was. I tapped on the door with my knuckles and heard him welcome me inside. He obviously hadn’t been expecting me because he looked surprised to see me. He was already in a suit even though it was still a few hours before the ceremony started. I’d seen him in a suit hundreds of times, but he’d never looked quite as good as he did then. “You look handsome, Con.”

  He rose from the chair and adjusted his tie down his chest. He only gave a slight nod in acknowledgment of my words. Our get-together ended abruptly last night, and it was hard to interact without thinking about it.

  “I’m sorry about last night, Con. I didn’t mean to—”

  “Forget it. I know you’re going through a hard time right now.” He let me off the hook so easily, and that wouldn’t happen under normal circumstances.

  “I’m not sorry for what I said because I know I’m right, but I’m sorry for yelling at you, arguing with you the night before your big day. Truth is, I look up to you, Conway. I think you’re a great man, and I’m very proud of you. I love you so much, and not just because I have to. You’re the greatest brother I ever could have asked for…” I kept my composure, but my eyes started to water with a hint of tears. “Sapphire made you into an even better man, and I know the little one will too. I’m very happy for you.”

  His coldness turned into warmth, and the walls he’d erected around his heart suddenly came down. His eyes lightened in happiness, and the rigid way he held his shoulders slipped away. He extended his hand to me, silently beckoning me toward him.

  I moved into his chest and rested my face against his muscular frame, letting my brother wrap his thick arms around me. It was nice to be held by my family. There was no greater feeling than this kind of unconditional love.

  “Thanks for saying that. I appreciate it.”

  “And Mama didn’t make me.”

  He chuckled. “I know. And I love you too. It kills me to see you go through this. I wish I could make it better.”

  “I know…but today isn’t about me.” I pulled away and looked into his face. “It’s about you and Sapphire, and I’m very happy to be celebrating. So let’s not talk about me anymore. Let’s talk about you.” I forced myself to smile, and I noticed the happiness followed immediately. “Nervous?”

  He dropped his hands and then adjusted his cuff links, a ghost of a smile on his lips. “Have you seen the woman I’m about to marry? No, I’m definitely not nervous.” He grinned in his typically arrogant way.

  “Come on,” I said. “Be serious.”

  “I’m fine.”

  I raised an eyebrow, knowing there was more to the story.

  “What do you want me to say?” he asked with a chuckle. “I never thought I would get married, but here I am.”

  “And you want to get married, right?”

  He adjusted his cuff links again. “The idea of being a father and a husband is a little scary, but Father gave m
e some advice. I feel like I’ve already grown into those roles, so everything should be fine. I guess that’s what scares me about getting married… being good enough for my family.”

  My brother wore an indifferent façade most of the time, lacking emotion and compassion about almost all things, but I knew there was a sensitive side underneath all the muscle, success, and scotch. “You are, Con.”

  “I’ve messed up in the past…as you know. Now that I’m this person, I don’t like who I used to be.” He moved his hands into his pockets. “I never want to be that man again. And I still want to be better than what I am now…”

  “Sapphire loves you exactly as you are, Con.”

  “I know,” he said. “But I still want to be better. I’ll always want to be better for her.”

  Our tender moment was ruined when the door opened and Carter walked inside. “We still have time to hit a strip club and send you off in style.” He wore dark jeans and a collared blue shirt, his dark hair and eyes standing out. He wore a nice watch on his wrist along with dress shoes. He walked up to Conway and patted him on the shoulder. “You look good. But not as good as the bride, I hear.” He winked.

  The corner of Conway’s mouth rose in a smile. “I don’t take offense to that.”

  I let the men talk in private by leaving the room and heading to the third floor. Since my father hadn’t appeared around the house, I knew there was only one place he could be—in his study drinking scotch.

  I approached his study door and knocked. “Can I come in?”

  Father paused before answering, recognizing my voice through the solid wood instantly. “Yes.”

  I walked inside and saw him sitting at his desk, a bottle and a glass in front of him. The fireplace was empty because it was too warm for a fire at this time of year. Throughout the winter season, my father always had a fire burning in the hearth. This was supposed to be a place where he could work in peace, but I’d never seen him do anything for the winery in here. Instead, it seemed to be just a place where he could drink in peace.

  He didn’t look at me, his eyes on the fireplace even though there weren’t any flames to watch. “Conway is in his room. Your mother is in the kitchen.” He grabbed his glass and took a drink.

  I hated seeing my father this way, morose and empty. He acted the same way when he was angry, but he didn’t have that blank expression in his eyes, not like he did now.

  I walked to the front of his desk and sat in one of the leather armchairs that faced him.

  His eyes finally flicked to my face.

  “Are you going to offer me a drink?”

  He straightened in his chair, a quiet sigh coming from his lips. “It’s a little early.”

  I cocked an eyebrow. “And it’s not a little early for you?”

  The corner of his mouth rose in a smile, the same way Conway’s had. “I started drinking a few hours ago.”

  “I’ve been awake since three, so I’m ready for it.”

  He didn’t make another protest and poured the liquor into a glass. He pushed it to the edge of the desk. “It’s strong.”

  I took a long drink, not grimacing at all as it slid down my throat and hit my stomach. “I’m used to it.” That was all Bones ever drank. I hardly saw him without a glass in his hand. He drank in his office, at dinner, and when we lay on the couch together in the evenings.

  My father probably knew why I was used to it, but he didn’t make a comment about it. “Was there something you needed?”

  I stared at the ghostly demeanor of my father. Depressed and scared, he wasn’t himself when our relationship was so damaged. He’d never been an emotional person, had never shed a tear in front of me. He was hard like steel, unaffected by everything. The only time he seemed to soften was when it came to my mother, but even then, it wasn’t obvious. “I don’t hate you, Father. I love you more than words can say, and I would take a bullet for you in a heartbeat.” I held his gaze as I spoke, meaning every word from the bottom of my heart.

  He controlled his reaction as best he could, but his eyes softened against his will. The relief entered his gaze, and his shoulders weren’t as tense as they were a second ago. His fingers relaxed around his glass, and his breathing became softer. “That means a lot to me…except that last part. I would rather die a million times than let anything bad happen to you. I will always make sacrifices for you. Don’t you ever make a sacrifice for me.” He picked up his glass and took a drink. “Your mother told me you would come around…I’m glad you did. It’s all I’ve been thinking about.”

  I felt guilty for hurting him, but I still couldn’t change the way I felt about the situation. “There’s nothing you could ever do to make me hate you. Nothing you could do to make me stop loving you. You’ll always be my father, and because of that, I’ll always love and respect you. My family means everything to me. That’s why I’m still here. But…I still don’t agree with what you did. I don’t think you’re being fair. And I think you’re being hypocritical and sexist.”

  The softness that was in his eyes just a moment ago disappeared. His gaze hardened, staring me down like an enemy. “So, we aren’t okay, then?”

  “I’m still hurt. I just wanted you to know that I’m still your daughter, and I love you very much.”

  He released the glass and leaned back in his chair. A sigh escaped his throat, and he looked out the window, avoiding my gaze. His happiness disappeared like a drop of water on a hot day. He turned back to me. “I don’t know what you want me to say, tesoro. I stand by my decision and won’t change my mind. We’re at a stalemate.”

  My father claimed he wanted to protect me, that I would be happier because of this decision, but all I’d felt was utter heartbreak. “What exactly are you protecting me from, Father? Not being with Griffin has hurt me far more than anything he did while we were together.”

  He tilted his head slightly, his eyes narrowing in anger. “It will pass.”

  “Maybe. But I’m never going to love another man the way I loved him. My future husband will always be second-best.”

  “You’ll change your mind when you meet him. You’ve only been in love once—”

  “How many times have you been in love?”

  Like a lit piece of wood, the fire in his eyes was slowly starting to rise into an inferno. “Once.”

  “Mama was the one, and you knew she was the one. End of story. Griffin is the one to me.”

  He shook his head slightly. “I’m not going to change my mind, Vanessa. You should drop this.”

  I’d never been so frustrated with my father. He’d punished me when I was a child, and that never upset me the way this did. We’d disagreed in the past, but it was never this intense. “Sapphire told me everything about her and Conway.” I’d never planned on throwing that in his face, but I didn’t have any other option. Today was my brother’s wedding day, and it was the worst time to have this argument, but I couldn’t keep it in any longer.

  My father gave nothing away, his expression exactly the same as before.

  “She told me he bought her, demanded sex from her, and kept her as a prisoner.”

  My father’s breathing increased slightly, but he kept up his guarded expression. He knew this was the smoking gun, all the evidence I needed to prove his decision was wrong.

  “How is he any different from Griffin?” I snapped.

  Silence.

  “How?” I pressed. “Sapphire didn’t have a family, and he took advantage of that. He practically turned her into a slave. He took her virginity because he paid for it. So you’re going to sit there and tell me that’s perfectly okay? That Sapphire should still marry him? What’s the difference?”

  He clenched his jaw, his eyes darkening.

  “What’s the damn difference, Father?” I couldn’t keep my voice down, my rage escalating. “It’s okay because Conway is the one committing the crime? He’s guilty of exactly the same thing, but you look the other way. Sapphire is an innocent, kind woman, and s
he’s marrying the man who locked her up in his house for six months. You’re okay with that?”

  “Vanessa—”

  “You’re a fucking hypocrite.”

  My father’s expression hardened because I’d never cursed at him like that before. Speechless, he couldn’t think of anything to say.

  “It’s okay because Conway changed. He fell in love with Sapphire and became the man she deserved. That’s exactly what Griffin did. He’s a new man now—because of me. You can’t approve of this wedding and tell Griffin he can’t be with me. It’s wrong—and you know it.”

  When his fingers pulled together and made a fist, I knew he was pissed. He rested his hand against his jawline, his furious eyes glued to my face. He was sheathing his anger, controlling himself before exploding. After what seemed like minutes, he lowered his hand and spoke. “Yes. It is hypocritical.”

  He agreed with me, but judging by his harsh tone, he wasn’t going to change his mind. My reasoning seemed to anger him even more.

  “It’s hypocritical, but I don’t give a damn if it is. You are my daughter. That’s the difference between you and Sapphire. I’m your father, and I’m a very powerful man who doesn’t hesitate to take down my enemies. I’ve slit the throat of dozens of men and shot them point-blank.” He pressed his finger to the top of the desk. “I’ve worked my ass off to give you this life that you take for granted. I don’t accept anything less than the best—and neither will you. I may not be a king, but any man who wants you will treat you like a princess. Sapphire doesn’t have a family, but if she did, they wouldn’t like Conway either. But that’s the difference between you two—you do have a family. You have a father who will fight for you until the day he dies. I will not give up until you have the whole fucking world, Vanessa. My daughter gets the best. That’s the end of the fucking story. Be angry. Hate me. I don’t care.” His eyes darkened even more. “I love you and Conway more than anything else in the world, and I will do the right thing for both of you until I take my last breath. Griffin’s father killed my sister. Do you understand how difficult that was for me to look past?”