Queen in Lingerie Read online

  “There’s nothing to say.” I leaned back and rested my arm on the armrest.

  “You’re right. The beard and the dead look in your eyes tell me everything I need to know.” My father wasn’t afraid to dish out the truth—even if it stung a little. “Is this really what you want? You look like shit.”

  “Fuck you.”

  My father kept his cool, but the second he narrowed his eyes, the entire room shifted. It was suddenly darker, colder. His hostility lowered the temperature, making it ice-cold and unbearable. He had the kind of power I couldn’t fathom, the ability to project so much emotion without saying a single word—or moving a finger.

  I apologized before he retaliated. “I’m sorry…I shouldn’t have said that.”

  He leaned forward and grabbed his drink again. He eyed me coldly as he downed the entire contents. He slammed it down on the wood a little harder. “I’m not going to be around forever, Conway. And when I’m not, that moment will haunt you for the rest of your life. So don’t apologize. You’ll pay for it later.”

  And just like that, my father made me feel like complete shit.

  “This is what I see,” he said as he poured himself another drink. “When Sapphire is around, you hit the peaks of your success. You’re happy. You’re relaxed, carefree. You even smile…once in a while. And now that she’s gone, you haven’t produced new pieces, you’ve stopped shaving, and you look like a man who’s lost everything. I don’t need to hear you say anything to know you’re absolutely, undeniably miserable.”

  I grabbed my glass and nursed my wounds with a long drink of the aged scotch. I welcomed the burn down my throat and into my belly. That fire was the only warmth I had since Sapphire left.

  “I didn’t want to settle down and get married either, Conway. I fantasized about being a lifelong bachelor. Even after I met your mother, I didn’t want things to change. I preferred being with different women because it didn’t make me accountable for my actions. I could use them, hurt them, and dump them—without a hint of remorse.”

  My father had never told me such details of his life. I assumed he’d been promiscuous and reckless when he was young, based on the pieces I’d put together—along with Uncle Cane’s stories.

  “I never wanted to be a husband. I never wanted to be a father. But when your mother walked into my life, I had no other choice. I didn’t want her to be with anyone else, and I didn’t want to be with anyone else. There was no other way of life that would give me both. So I married her. I settled down. I sacrificed my previous life to have a new one with her. In the beginning, I dreaded it. But then I realized that simplicity was beautiful. And now…I wish I’d met her sooner.”

  I stared at my drink.

  “Change is scary. But necessary.”

  “Why are you telling me this?” I asked. “It’s over. She’s living in New York now. I’m here. It’s done.”

  “You still have time to fix this, Conway.”

  I refilled my glass.

  “You love this woman. Don’t let her end up with someone else. We only get one great woman our entire lives. If you think you have a chance of finding someone who makes you feel like this, it’s not going to happen.”

  “What about there being other fish in the sea?” I countered.

  “There are other fish in the sea,” he said. “There will always be other fish in the sea. But they won’t be bigger, brighter, or rarer. You’d rather bring home a different woman you won’t remember every single night than have the best sex of your life with the same woman?”

  Now we’d just stepped into new territory. “We aren’t talking about my personal life. It’s none of your business.”

  “It is my business when you’re fucking it up. Trust me, I don’t want to talk about this any more than you do. But I can’t let my son make the biggest mistake of his life.”

  “You don’t know her…”

  “I know her enough,” he said quietly. “I know she makes you better. And that’s all I need to know. She could be a prostitute, and that wouldn’t make a difference to me. The only thing I care about is that you have someone to love you when your mother and I are gone.”

  “Stop saying that,” I snapped. “I don’t want to think about that right now…”

  “It’s going to happen, son. It could happen today, tomorrow, or in twenty years. You need to have your own family.”

  “I have Vanessa. I have—”

  “It’s not the same thing. A wife is different. If you’d never found anyone you loved, that would be different. But you have met someone…so don’t let her go. Don’t push her away just because you’re afraid to commit. You’re worried how it’ll affect your work?” he asked incredulously. “Take a look at how her absence is affecting you now. You haven’t worked in over a month.”

  “Are you keeping tabs on me now?”

  “Always.” He gripped his glass without taking a drink. “I always have tabs on you. Not because I’m spying—but because I care.”

  “No, that’s the definition of spying.”

  “Shut up, Con. That’s not what this conversation is about.”

  I couldn’t tell him to shut up, but he could tell me to shut up all he wanted. Annoying.

  “Make this right, Conway. Before someone else wins her over.”

  I didn’t want to picture her with someone else. Just knowing someone was photographing her in nothing but her lingerie pissed me off. I missed having her around the house, a secret I got to cherish alone. “There’s something you should know…and it’s going to make you hate me a little bit.”

  My father set down his glass, and his eyes narrowed. “There’s nothing you could say to make me hate you.”

  “Think again.”

  “No,” he said firmly. “You could tell me you murdered someone, and I would still be sitting right here. That’s unconditional love, that’s what families do. I’m your father, and I will love you no matter what. So tell me.”

  I couldn’t look at him as I spoke. “Sapphire came to me because she was on the run from a psychopath. He killed her brother, and he expected her to pay her brother’s debt. The state took away the house she lost, so she had no way to pay him off. So he said he wanted her instead. She bought a plane ticket to Milan and auditioned for my show. She asked to be paid under the table, and I agreed.”

  He hung on every word.

  “We worked together for a while, and she never told me about the asshole that was chasing her. The longer I worked with her, the more I felt inspired by her beauty. That’s when my obsession started. I don’t sleep with my models, and that’s a policy I’ve never broken…but I couldn’t stop imagining her in all these different scenarios…” I didn’t feel strange telling my father this, not when he was going to break my face at the end of the conversation anyway. “Long story short, she was captured by the Skull Kings and brought to the Underground. I happened to be there for business, and her stalker was also there. We got into a bidding war…and I paid a hundred million to get her out of there. I took her to my place, and I told her she belonged to me exclusively. She was my prisoner, my muse. When you first met her, I told her to stay in my bedroom. But she snuck out and introduced herself as my girlfriend…and you adored her. She used it as leverage against me, said if I didn’t treat her right, she would rat me out.”

  My father still didn’t react, listening to every word.

  “As time went on, things began to change. She became my friend, my confidant, my lover…and we were close. I shared my whole life with her. She shared hers with me. But I told her it didn’t mean anything. I would never want marriage or a family. But then she told me she loved me…and that’s when everything fell apart. I told her to leave…and that’s the end of the story.”

  My father didn’t move, even though I expected him to jump out of his seat and beat me senseless. At this point, I was in so much pain there was nothing he could do to make me feel worse. He could hit me if he wanted—and I would take it. He fina
lly took a drink from his glass, lifting the tumbler high so he could get every drop in one gulp.

  “Our relationship isn’t what it seems…it’s not real. It’s just—”

  “It’s even more real,” he said quietly. “Despite what you did to her, she still looked past the cruelty and fell in love with you. Con, that’s how you know a woman’s love is real. If she can accept you for who you are, all the good and all the bad, you know you met the right woman. And the second you want to be a better person for her…then you have to marry her.”

  “I’m surprised you aren’t whacking me over the head with that scotch bottle…”

  He tilted his face down slightly. “It would be hypocritical if I did…”

  “What?” I whispered.

  He leaned back into the couch, quiet as he considered his response. He rubbed his fingers across his chin, turning quiet. “Doesn’t matter. This is your story, not mine. I can’t stress it enough, Con. By doing nothing, you risk losing the love of your life. If you just tell her you’re willing to work on it, that you love her, I know that will be enough for her to come back. But you have to meet her halfway.”

  I sighed under my breath.

  He flashed me a look of disappointment. “When am I ever wrong about anything, son?”

  I sighed again. “Never.”

  “Then answer this question—to yourself. She’s been gone for seven weeks. With your newfound freedom and your bachelor lifestyle restored, how many women have you slept with?”

  Did he know? My father might know a lot about my life, but there was no way to know who slept in my bed when the lights were off.

  He gave me a knowing look, like he already knew the answer. “You don’t want anything to change, but it already has. You’re still in this relationship. You’re still as committed as you ever were. So stop being in this relationship alone—get your damn woman back.”

  8

  Sapphire

  Over the next few weeks, I finally fell into a routine. New York started to feel like home, and while it didn’t have the same beauty as Italy, it had a lot of its own good qualities. There was a coffee shop around the corner from my house that made the best coffee, so I stopped there every morning before I went to the gym. The park was a perfect place to jog, so when I didn’t feel like breathing in the sweaty air from everyone around me, I took a trail through the trees. Now that fall had settled in, the leaves of the trees turned red and gold. My breath escaped as vapor in the cold mornings.

  My life began to change, but one thing stayed the same.

  Conway.

  I still missed him.

  I resented him for throwing us away. His work was more important than I would ever be, and holding on to pure, physical lust was better than intimate passion. Lust would always conquer love, and if I ever wanted him back, I would have to accept a loveless relationship.

  But I couldn’t pretend anymore.

  This time, I knew he wasn’t coming back. He came for me once, but when I didn’t compromise, he got on his private jet and left me behind forever. I appreciated that he had been worried about me, especially after the way he’d kicked me out of his house in the middle of the night.

  But now we were really over.

  I went to the studio almost every day, and Andrew asked for my input on all of his designs. He kept hoping I’d absorbed some of Conway’s genius so I would be able to pass it on to him, but even if I had, I would never share. I just told him things I liked, which fabrics hugged my skin better. We hadn’t done a show yet, but he seemed to care more about photography, putting us in ads in magazines and in store windows.

  When I saw my picture in the window of one of his lingerie shops in Manhattan, it was a little strange. It wasn’t the same thing as looking in a mirror. My image had been changed a little, my appearance tweaked with a computer.

  Nox and I hung out pretty often. He was my only friend in the city, and I enjoyed his company. He was easy to talk to, friendly, and super-hot. Sometimes we went for a walk in the park or grabbed dinner. He never tried to push for anything more, not after I told him how I felt about Conway. He never asked about him either.

  After work one afternoon, we walked through the park as the sun started to set.

  “Let’s get our ten thousand steps in for the day then grab some food.” He walked beside me in dark jeans and a long-sleeved deep blue shirt. The cold didn’t seem to affect me as much as it affected him. Like Conway, Nox’s built physique protected him from the cold. “Where do you want to go?”

  “I have limited options, unfortunately.” No carbs before bed. And nothing with too much fat or calories. Most of my dinners were comprised of fish and vegetables. Salmon was packed with protein and nutrition, so that was my first choice. Ever since I’d changed my eating habits, I’d slimmed down almost immediately. The five pounds I was looking to lose came off within the first month. Now I was just maintaining.

  “Man, that’s hard. I couldn’t do what you do.”

  “You have a strict diet too.” He wouldn’t look like that if he didn’t watch what he ate.

  “Yeah, but I have more wiggle room than you. I need calories. You’re the opposite. Want to try that seafood place again?”

  “If you don’t mind.”

  He wrapped his arm around my shoulders, the affection playful more than romantic. “Of course, I don’t mind. It’s the price you pay when you’re friends with a supermodel.”

  “I’m not a supermodel,” I reminded him.

  He scoffed. “Yes, you are. Come on, you’re gorgeous. I can only name a few models off the top of my head, but you’ve sky-rocketed to celebrity almost instantly. And only supermodels do that.”

  Unfortunately, people recognized me when I went places. Sometimes people wanted a picture of me, and others wanted an autograph. I didn’t consider myself to be a successful person, so I didn’t know why people wanted those things, but I wasn’t going to be rude and say no.

  “How was work today?”

  “Good. We’re setting up a shoot in a disco bowling alley. A little different, but Andrew thinks it’ll attract the attention of the average customer. Making it relatable, almost funny.”

  “That’s cool. Will you be traveling anytime soon?”

  “He hasn’t mentioned any shows, so it doesn’t seem like it. That’s fine with me. I want to stay in one place for a while.” The idea of traveling back to Milan sounded like a nightmare. I couldn’t be in that city without being wrecked by emotion. “What did you do today?”

  “I went to the gym in the morning, and then I played a few rounds of golf at the country club.”

  “I didn’t know you golfed.”

  “I do pretty well. You wanna play sometime?” he asked.

  “I’ve never golfed before.”

  “I can teach you.”

  We finished our walk through the park before we went to dinner. Anytime Nox and I hung out, we went out to dinner or the gym. He never invited me over, and I didn’t either. Since we were just friends, it seemed like we should do stuff outside the house—not behind closed doors.

  “So, how’s Operation Get Over Conway?” he asked at the end of the meal.

  I hadn’t made much progress, which was discouraging because it’d been almost a month since I saw him. When I couldn’t sleep at night, I touched myself and imagined he was there. I got off with my hand, whispering his name into the darkness of my bedroom. I was still sleeping with him—even though he wasn’t there with me. He’d probably fucked dozens of other women by now. I should just sleep with Nox to expedite the process of moving forward, but I couldn’t do that. It wasn’t fair to Nox or me. “Honestly, nothing has really changed. I think about him pretty often.”

  If Nox was upset about that, he didn’t act like it. “Do you still talk to him?”

  “No. We’ve had no contact.”

  “It takes time. It took me about four months to really get over what happened with my fiancée. So, you still have a ways to
go.”

  I was baffled that he wanted to keep waiting around for me. “That’s two more months…you could find someone great in that amount of time.”

  The corner of his mouth rose in a smile. “I could get into my safety school right away because it was easy to get accepted right off the bat…or I could wait for the school that I really want. I’m first on the waitlist, right?”

  “Well…you’re the only person on the waitlist,” I said with an awkward laugh.

  “That’s even better. So there’s no rush. I like getting to know you anyway. You’re a cool chick.”

  My lips automatically stretched into a smile. “You’re great too, Nox. It’s hard to believe I have this super-hot guy showing so much interest in me.”

  His eyebrows rose. “You think I’m hot? Not just hot, but super-hot?”

  “Uh, duh. Look at you.”

  He grinned. “Well, thanks. I think you’re super-hot too. Hopefully, we can be a super-hot couple soon…”

  When we finished dinner, we split the tab like always and then headed to the sidewalk.

  “Can I walk you home?” he asked. “Or better yet, you want to come over and watch a movie? It’s only seven, unless you have work in the morning.”

  “I’m off tomorrow,” I blurted.

  “Is that a yes, then?” he asked.

  Maybe I shouldn’t go over there, but I’d told him I wasn’t over Conway yet, so it shouldn’t matter. We would just spend time together the way we’d already been doing. “Yeah. Sure.”

  When I went to work two days later, Andrew greeted me in his studio. His supplies lay on the table, and his lingerie piece was on the mannequin. “Sapphire, how was your day off?”

  “Good.” My body was wrapped in the silk robe he provided for me, ready to put on his next piece. “How was yours?”