First Read online

  I called in sick for a few days because I was so distraught.

  I felt like a high school girl who’d had her heart broken for the first time. It was the end of the world.

  I cried on the couch then in bed. Tissues were piled up everywhere. I ditched the makeup because I would just ruin it. After I let all the sadness pour out of my chest, I finally went back to work.

  I worked at my desk and took care of the emails I’d ignored the last few days. I caught up on my paperwork. I normally listened to the radio in my office, but now every song made me feel worse.

  If I could write a song, it would be the saddest of all breakup songs.

  Sofia stepped into my office, and she probably already knew Damien dumped me. “Feeling better?”

  I stared at her blankly, surprised she would ask me that like it was no big deal.

  She must have read the horrified expression on my face. “Because you were sick…”

  I totally forgot I’d ever said that. “Oh…yeah. I’m getting there.” It was hard to look at her and not think of Damien. It was hard not to remember the way her husband kissed the ground she walked on. She’d earned the undying devotion of a man…and I hadn’t.

  Sofia didn’t buy that answer. “You look pale as a ghost.”

  I touched my cheek, and my fingertips sensed the coldness. “Yeah…just taking me a while to bounce back.”

  She continued to study me, knowing there was a secret to uncover. “Are you sure there’s nothing else?”

  Maybe she didn’t know. I wasn’t sure if I could answer without bursting into tears. “Yeah…”

  Her voice grew sterner. “Anna, I know there’s something wrong. You can tell me.”

  I stared at my computer for a second, breaking eye contact to gather myself. When I looked at her again, I answered. “Damien broke up with me…” I let my voice grow quiet so I could keep the emotion out.

  “He did?” she asked in surprise. “I had no idea…”

  I guess that meant he didn’t tell Hades at work. “Yeah.”

  “Why?”

  “Just said he didn’t want to do the monogamy thing anymore.”

  Instead of dropping it and leaving me alone, she shut the door then sat in the chair facing my desk. “I’m so sorry, Anna. I can see you’re really worked up about it.”

  My eyes started to water, and I was scared I might cry.

  “It seemed like he was really into you.”

  I shrugged so I wouldn’t have to respond.

  “I can talk to him—”

  “Please don’t.” I had too much pride to chase after a man who didn’t want me. I shouldn’t have fallen so hard, so fast. But before I’d even realized it, I was in free fall. It felt right from the beginning, and I didn’t feel like I’d just gotten a divorce. It felt like I was where I was supposed to be.

  “Okay,” she said quietly. “I won’t say anything.”

  I didn’t know Sofia that well, but I trusted her…even though I had no real reason to. “Can I tell you something?” I asked, sniffling because my nose had started to run. “And you promise you won’t tell him?” I didn’t have any friends to talk to. She was all I had.

  “Promise.” She leaned forward over my desk so she could grab my hand.

  It was a moment of catharsis, to let the truth escape my lips. “I loved him…”

  Her eyes fell in heartache.

  “I didn’t expect it to happen. I got divorced less than a year ago, and I didn’t think I was even capable of feeling that way about someone, that I could trust someone after what my ex did to me.” My eyes started to water, and the tears came, breaking through the dam and pouring down my cheeks. “But I fell so hard…fell so deep. I fell in love with him so easily, and it just felt right. Like I could do that for the rest of my life.” I pulled my hand from hers so I could grab the tissues on my desk and wipe away the tears. “I’m so in love with him, and I miss him…so much.”

  23

  Damien

  Hades and I were friends again, and the pain that had been haunting me for so long had disappeared. He was my family again, a piece of me that had been restored.

  But I was also miserable.

  I made the right decision when I went to her apartment and ended our relationship. It wasn’t easy to cut out something so good, but it was the best option. What kind of man would I be if I didn’t?

  Selfish.

  I thought about her a lot, especially when I was in bed alone. I missed her beside me, and there were times when I reached for her in the middle of the night. When I didn’t feel her, I shot up in bed…devastated.

  Hades stepped into my office. “How about the four of us get dinner tonight?”

  “The four of us?” I turned away from my computer and stared at him as he stood in my doorway.

  “My woman and yours.”

  I hadn’t told Hades what happened because I didn’t want to talk about it. But I couldn’t keep it a secret forever. I was surprised Annabella didn’t tell Sofia, who would tell Hades, but apparently she hadn’t. “How about it just be the three of us?”

  His eyes narrowed like he picked up on the meaning behind my words. “Something happen?” He shut the door behind him and moved to the chair facing my desk. He hadn’t sat there for a conversation in a really long time. It was hard to believe he was really there.

  “I broke it off.” I knew I would move on and forget about her eventually, but for now, I missed her. She was the first woman I’d ever been with that I thought about after we were done.

  His arms were on the leather armrests, looking like a titan in that Italian-made suit. He cocked his head slightly as he looked at me, as if my response were a little too complicated for him to understand. “Why?”

  “Because it was time.”

  “If it was time, you wouldn’t be miserable.”

  It was one of those rare times when I wished he didn’t know me so well.

  “Be real with me.”

  I dragged my hand down my face before I responded. “I did like her…a lot. But after everything that happened with my father, it made me realize I can’t have a relationship like that. I never expected my fling with Annabella to be more, so I never thought I’d have to break up with her. But before I knew what happened…she was more than I realized.”

  Hades listened without judgment. “You’re trying to protect her.”

  I nodded. “I had to choose between her and my work.”

  “Are you sure you chose right?”

  My eyes moved back to his.

  “It was hard to walk away from my life’s work, but Sofia was worth it. I don’t have any regrets.”

  “But she’s your soul mate.”

  He held my gaze. “And what is Annabella to you?”

  I shrugged. “A woman I like. Not enough to make that kind of sacrifice.”

  Hades accepted my answer. “I’m sure she understood. Maybe she didn’t realize how deep she was in either. If being with you is dangerous, calling it quits before anyone gets hurts is the best decision.”

  Something told me I did hurt her—and I felt like shit. “I didn’t tell her the truth.”

  “Then what did you say?”

  I shrugged. “I wanted to see other people, basically.”

  “Why not just tell her the truth?”

  “Because.” I straightened in my chair and rested my arms on the surface of my desk. “If I told her truth, she would want to stay with me…” I knew this wasn’t just a fling for her, that she genuinely cared about me, that she would disregard her own safety so we could be together. “And if she said that…I would let her stay.”

  I walked down the street I used to visit on a regular basis. I could navigate the neighborhood with my eyes closed because I’d been there so many times, had a couple drinks on the balcony as we plotted against our enemies.

  Now I was back…and it felt like a dream.

  I knocked on the door before I let myself in.

  So
fia was holding Andrew, so she handed him off to Hades before she beamed and walked toward me. With her arms open, she greeted me like a mother and hugged me tightly. “I’m so happy to see you.” She rubbed my back before she squeezed me again. When she pulled away, her eyes were filled with deep affection. “This feels right.”

  “I’m happy to be here too.” My eyes shifted back to Hades.

  He walked up to me, holding his son with a single arm. The baby wore a blue onesie with airplanes on the front. “Andrew, you remember your uncle?”

  I’d only seen him once, shortly after Sofia gave birth. “He’s so much bigger…” His face was more distinguished, he had hair on his head, and he already looked so much like his father. “Wow.”

  Andrew stared at me, almost like he recognized me.

  “You want to hold him?” Hades made the exchange before I even agreed.

  “Uh, sure.” I took him in my arms and held him rigidly, holding him up the way Hades had just been. “Geez, you’re a big boy.”

  “He loves that milk,” he teased. “I have a feeling he’s gonna be a big fan of the ladies.”

  “Don’t be gross.” Sofia swatted his arm playfully before she walked away.

  “So, are you hungry?” Hades asked.

  “I’m starving after lifting weights.” I looked down at Andrew, who had a curious expression as he stared at me.

  Hades chuckled, and we moved to the table.

  Hades took Andrew and placed him in the playpen on the floor before he joined us at the table.

  Sofia was far enough along now that her stomach was really noticeable in a tight dress. She immediately went for the bread in the center of the table and ripped off a few pieces before she placed them in her mouth.

  I grabbed my silverware and started to eat, and even though we hadn’t talked much in a long time, I didn’t have anything to say. This all seemed too good to be true, sitting there with the two of them…like no time had passed. “How’s your pregnancy been?”

  “He’s just as ornery as the first,” she said. “We’re gonna have two crazy-ass kids running around.”

  “We can have a third if you want,” Hades said, teasing her.

  “Two is perfect. Two is destiny.” She glanced at Andrew and kept eating.

  Hades looked at me from time to time, not exactly himself because the restoration of our friendship was still a major change for both of us.

  Sofia spoke again. “Anna told me the two of you stopped seeing each other.” She kept her eyes on her food, digging her fork into her pasta before she raised her head and took a bite. She didn’t ask any questions and left the floor open for me to respond in any way I wanted.

  “Yeah…” I trusted Hades would tell Sofia the real reason I ended things. “Just wasn’t working out.” Annabella filled the void when Hades left, and now that she was gone, Hades filled that void in return…but I was never really satisfied.

  Something was missing.

  “Does that mean you’re never going to come to the hotel because you don’t want to run into her?” Sofia asked.

  “No. I don’t have a problem seeing her.” I thought things ended civilly. She seemed hurt by my rejection, but not angry. We’d agreed we just wanted something casual, so she couldn’t take back what she said.

  Sofia finally looked at me but didn’t say anything to contradict me. “Are you okay?”

  “I’m fine,” I said, holding her gaze so she would believe me. “I’m not a one-woman kind of man, and I never will be.”

  24

  Annabella

  It was a rough couple of weeks.

  After I shed all my tears, I was just numb.

  Didn’t feel anything at all.

  I tried to convince myself that Damien didn’t mean anything to me, that I was mixing up lust and love, that I hadn’t seen him long enough to have deep feelings…like love. How could it happen that quickly? How could I love someone that fast after Liam?

  It wasn’t possible.

  Right?

  I was tired of lying in bed night after night, watching TV late just so I could fall asleep. I ate soup right out of the can and snacked on crackers because I was too depressed to cook or order a pizza.

  So I went out to a bar.

  Admirers bought me drinks, and I had a few conversations until they went dry. It was nice to feel attractive, for men to notice me when Damien couldn’t care less about it. Eventually, I sat with one guy, who thought talking about himself was the best way to impress me. He was self-absorbed and egotistical, but he was polite and interesting.

  And I had nothing else to do anyway.

  “I’m surprised a woman like you is single.” He stopped talking about his job in finance long enough to notice something about me.

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” I wasn’t single by choice. I just kept falling for the wrong guys.

  “Beautiful women like you are never single for more than, like, five minutes.”

  “Well, you caught me in my five-minute window.”

  “Lucky me.” He smiled and tapped his glass against mine.

  I tried to enjoy myself, but all I could think about was the man I really wanted…the one who didn’t want me. Damien didn’t say much, but he was always interesting. Just looking into his confident gaze was enough entertainment. It’d been weeks since he’d dumped me, so he’d probably already been with someone else by now…

  “You okay?”

  I snapped out of my thoughts and realized what he’d asked. “Yeah…just got out of a relationship, so I’m just not in a good place.”

  He nodded slowly. “Been there.”

  When I raised my gaze to look across the bar, my eyes locked on a gaze I instantly recognized. He wasn’t blinking, his blue eyes filled with ferocity. I was frozen in place because the look was so frightening.

  “You look upset again.” He couldn’t see the crazy man standing behind him.

  I ignored him because my eyes followed Liam as he approached our table. His powerful frame was intimidating to anyone who wasn’t blind, and he’d scare off this guy quickly. He stopped at our table and stared at me, like he’d caught me betraying him.

  The guy glanced at him, unsure what to do.

  Liam didn’t look at him. “Take your piss of a drink and leave.”

  The guy chickened out like I assumed he would, and he vacated the chair so Liam could replace him.

  This was going to be fun…

  Liam fell into the chair, his large size taking up the whole thing and blocking my view of everything behind him. With annoyance etched into the features of his face, he said, “Please tell me that pussy isn’t the guy you’ve been seeing.”

  “No.”

  “Good.” He got the attention of the waitress and ordered an old fashioned because he didn’t have a drink in hand. “He dropped you, then?”

  “What makes you think I didn’t drop him?” I held my glass of red wine with my lipstick smeared across the glass.

  “Because you wouldn’t be wasting your time on a loser like that.”

  I drank and let the booze warm my throat. Liam had me cornered, and I couldn’t lie or pretend he was wrong.

  “What happened?”

  I told the truth. “He ended it.”

  He didn’t pretend to be apologetic or sympathetic.

  I kept drinking my wine.

  “He’ll regret it.” He grabbed his glass and took a drink. “I promise you that.”

  It’d been a couple weeks, and that hadn’t happened. Doubted it ever would. He’d treated my apartment like a pit stop before he went to the next event. I’d had enough wine tonight, and I needed to stop drinking. Otherwise, I’d have to crawl home. “Thanks for stopping by…” Liam could go back to whatever woman he was trying to impress.

  He didn’t move. “You really want to keep doing this?”

  My gaze turned back to his, unsure what that meant.

  “There’s no guy in this bar who deserves you. That assho
le didn’t deserve you.”

  “And you do?” I asked coldly.

  His eyes narrowed in offense. “I’m in love with you, aren’t I? A real man isn’t afraid to feel shit. Your guy is a pussy. He’d rather waste his time on women who will never mean anything than actually have the real thing.” His intense gaze burrowed into mine. “I want to take care of you. I want to provide for you. I want you to live in that big-ass house with me. I want you to take my money and buy pretty things. Why waste your time out here when I can give you everything you want?”

  “I never wanted you for your money, Liam. I wanted loyalty, fidelity, honesty—”

  “And I was honest.” He placed his hand over his chest. “You never would have known what I did if I hadn’t told you. I couldn’t live with the guilt or the shame, so I came clean. I couldn’t lie to your face every day. You act like that doesn’t mean anything, but it does.” He slowly lowered his hand. “I know what it’s like to live without you, and I promise I will never do that shit again. I’m tired of chasing the loneliness with women in my sheets when the only person I want is my wife.” He spoke loudly before the music and conversation drowned him out. “I won’t break your heart. I won’t hurt you. You don’t have to put yourself out there again. I’m the one earning your trust. You have all the power, Anna.”

  Damien broke my heart so much that settling actually sounded nice. I knew Liam’s apology was sincere, and he would probably never betray me again. It’d been almost a year since we went our separate ways, and he still wanted me back. He wouldn’t feel that way unless I was important to him. He could have any other woman he wanted, and he could have moved on by now if he wanted. Being single sucked. Most of the guys I met were losers, and the one I actually liked was a player who ripped me to pieces. Could I ever put myself out there again?

  Liam studied my expression like he hoped I would finally give him what he wanted.

  I picked up my clutch and fished out the cash to pay for my drink.

  Liam quickly threw a ton of cash on the table. “Let me take you home.”