Buttons and Shame Read online

  He gave me a firm shake before he let go. “My wife insisted on bringing you to the winery to pass the time. You must be bored in that big house.”

  I liked being bored. I liked having the freedom to do what I wanted—or do nothing at all. “It’s nice to get out of the house. Everything on TV is in Italian, and I can’t understand a word of it.”

  “Me neither,” Pearl said. “That’s why I read.”

  Crow’s eyes darted to her face, and they lingered there longer than necessary. He turned back to me. “If you need anything, just ask. I’m at your disposal.” He circled his arm around Pearl’s waist and kissed her again. “I’ll see you later.” He walked away, returning his hand to his pocket.

  Pearl watched him walk out until he rounded the corner and was gone from sight. She released a quiet sigh before she turned back to me. Maybe she assumed her thoughts weren’t as obvious as they were.

  But I could tell exactly what she was thinking.

  She was hopelessly in love with her husband.

  “What do you think of Cane?” Pearl drove me back to the house at the end of the day. She was running late but didn’t seem to care if it pissed him off. Despite the fact that both Crow and Cane were terrifying men, she didn’t appear bothered by their anger.

  That was a complicated question. “What do I think of him?”

  “Yeah. Do you wanna stab him in the throat in the middle of the night?”

  The question was ironic because he suggested I pull a similar stunt. “No, but he encouraged me to kill him in his sleep. Said I should take him out and run for it.”

  Even through her thick sunglasses, I could tell she was surprised. “He said that?”

  “The only reason why I haven’t attempted to flee is because of my friend Lizzie. He says I shouldn’t stick around for her. He treats me well.” I could never abandon my friend like that. We were in this together, even if we were apart.

  “He treats you well? He told me he does, but his definition of well could be different from mine.”

  The only thing I could compare him to was Tristan. “Staying with him has been really nice. I don’t want to go back.”

  She tilted her head again in surprise. “Really?”

  I didn’t want to go into detail. Even if she experienced the same terror, some things were better left unsaid. “Yeah. I have my own room. I can shower when I want. I can eat when I want…” I’d always had a big appetite, so starving myself had been even more difficult. I constantly had been light-headed and weak, so when Tristan came after me, I fought him even less. “When I go back to Tristan, I’ll be chained to a metal pole and kicked in the head. I’m not saying Cane is a good man, but there are different kinds of evil. And Tristan is certainly a much darker shade than Cane will ever be.”

  Pearl faced the road again, and her voice came out much weaker than it ever did before. “You shouldn’t be grateful that Cane is treating you like a human being…because you are a human being.”

  “I know, but that’s not the way the real world works.” I stared out the window and spotted Cane’s house in the distance. “The moment I was taken, I was no longer a person. I became a punching bag, a whore, and a nobody.” Tristan never exposed an ounce of pity when he tortured me. The more I cried and begged for mercy, the more he beat me. I wasn’t a human being in his eyes—at all. “I’d give anything to turn back time and never leave America. I’d give anything to redo that day. But this is the hand I’m stuck with…and I have to play the game.”

  Pearl shook her head. “No, you don’t have to play the game, Adelina. Don’t give up like this.”

  “I’ve never given up.” The accusation was insulting—to the core. “Every day, I hope that something will change. I haven’t hung myself because I think the police will track me down. I continue to breathe for the possibility that my life will get better. I endure every day of torture just for the slim chance that I’ll be saved. So don’t tell me I’ve given up. I never have, and I never will.” I kept my gaze out the window, Cane’s house coming closer into view.

  “Don’t depend on someone else to save you. The only person you can rely on is yourself.”

  “I know. But my hands are tied.” I didn’t know where Lizzie was or if she was alive, but I chose to believe there was hope for both of us.

  “I know it’s not my place to say, but I think Cane is right. You and Lizzie have a better chance of survival if you escape and go to the authorities.”

  “You don’t know Tristan.” Maybe Pearl had been tortured by a different psychopath, but Tristan was a madman. “He won’t kill her until he’s tortured the life out of her. Only when she’s limp and brain-dead will he finally cut her head off. I could never live with myself if that happened to her.”

  Pearl didn’t press her opinion any longer. I knew she thought I was stupid for not taking her offer to help me. But survivor’s guilt was a serious thing, and I couldn’t leave my best friend behind. “I know you think I’m stupid—”

  “I don’t think that at all. I think you’re brave.”

  My madness was finally complimented.

  “But maybe we can still figure something out.”

  “Like what?” Crow seemed like a powerful man with lots of resources. And it was obvious he would bend over backward for this woman.

  “I don’t know. Maybe we can do some digging and find out where Lizzie is being held. I’ll talk to Crow and Cane about it.”

  That would be a dream come true. “That would mean the world to me…”

  Pearl pulled into the circular driveway around the fountain then parked the car. Her hand moved on top of mine and gave me a squeeze. “You aren’t alone, Adelina. Never forget that.”

  20

  Cane

  The only reason I didn’t scream at Pearl was because I had a tracker in Adelina’s arm. I arrived at the house before her, but I was able to pinpoint her location on the road. She was headed back to the house, so I didn’t bother giving Pearl a piece of my mind.

  Adelina walked inside wearing light jeans with holes in the knees and a black top. She wore a black scarf around her shoulders, looking like a classy Italian woman shielding her beautiful skin from the Tuscan sun.

  I’d already showered and changed into my sweatpants and t-shirt. The fire was roaring in the hearth, and I had a full bottle of scotch to get through. I’d become addicted to it after seeing my brother drink it since we were teenagers. It would probably kill me someday, but I didn’t give a damn.

  She stopped when she saw me on the couch, her brown hair slightly past her shoulders. I still hadn’t seen her with makeup, but she truly had no use for it. Her features were already bright and highlighted on their own. She didn’t need anything to bring out her innate sparkle.

  I sat forward and set my empty glass on the table. The ice cubes were slowly melting, shifting in the bottom of the glass. “How was your day?” I asked the question without really caring about the answer. All I wanted was for her to straddle my hips and ride me like she’d been thinking about me all day.

  “Good. Pearl took me to the winery.”

  “What did you think?”

  “It was pretty. I’ve been to a few wine tastings back at home, but it was nothing compared to that.”

  “Did you guys drink?”

  “We sampled some of the wine so we would understand the tastes. She said I could help out with the tastings for customers.”

  “And you’d want to do that?” She had this beautiful place to herself. She could lounge by the pool, read in the gardens, or just lie in the tub all day. “Just because she asked you to do that stuff doesn’t mean you need to do it.”

  “I know. It’s nice to get out of the house.”

  I’d bring her to work with me, but no work would get done. I’d fuck her in my office, right on my desk with my pants around my ankles. Phone calls wouldn’t be made, and my employees wouldn’t get any directions.

  And Crow would be pissed.

 
; “You want a drink?” I held up the full decanter and grabbed an empty glass.

  She walked to the couch and sat beside me. “Sure.”

  I’d never known a woman to handle scotch, and I was impressed she voluntarily chose it. I poured her a glass then handed it to her.

  She eyed the amber liquid as she swirled it. Then she brought it to her lips and took a long drink. She didn’t cringe as the bitterness flooded her mouth. It was smooth, and she swallowed it like water.

  “You like scotch?” I really didn’t know anything about her likes and dislikes. I’d never taken the time to ask her anything. So far, I knew she took her coffee with cream and sugar, and she loved it when I went down on her. But that was it.

  “My dad is a big scotch drinker, so I’m used to it.” She wiped her lips with the back of her arm.

  When she asked if she could call her parents, I almost felt bad when I said no. Of course, the option was off the table. If Tristan couldn’t trust me, everyone else would know the Barsetti name was untrustworthy, and that could be catastrophic for business. Plus, I could end up in jail. But I stuck to my guns and didn’t change my answer.

  “So you like it?”

  She tilted her head before she nodded. “Yeah, I guess I do. I like wine too.”

  “Beer?”

  “I like a good lager here and there.”

  I smiled when I pictured her drinking a frosty mug of beer while watching Monday Night Football. “Anything you don’t like?”

  “Margaritas, cosmos, martinis…”

  “Fruity drinks?”

  “Yeah. Pretty much anything you can stick an umbrella in.”

  I never would have pegged her for such an experienced drinker. “Not much of a sweet tooth?”

  “Not true. I love all kinds of sweets. Just not when it comes to alcohol. Gives me a sugar crash.”

  I refilled her glass. “I’m glad I have a drinking buddy.” I clinked my glass against hers and took a drink.

  “Misery loves company.” She took another drink then set the glass on the table. “I met your brother today.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  She chuckled, and it was the first time I’d ever heard her laugh. Her smile was beautiful, and her eyes crinkled in the corners. “He was nice.”

  “I’m guessing he didn’t say much, then. If he did, you definitely wouldn’t describe him in that way.”

  She continued to smile. “You can’t fool me, Cane. I know you’re fond of your brother.”

  “How so?” I didn’t talk about him often, and I never introduced them.

  “I can just tell. Pearl means a lot to you too. If she didn’t, you wouldn’t let her get away with most of the stuff she does.”

  She’d caught me so I didn’t deny it. “I did something terrible to her when we first met. She forgave me when I didn’t deserve it, and then she risked her life to save mine…so she can do whatever she wants.”

  Adelina was quiet, like she expected me to tell her what I did on my own. When I didn’t say anything, she pressed me on it. “What terrible thing did you do?”

  Pearl would tell her eventually, so I didn’t bother hiding it. “I nearly beat her to death.” I stared at my glass because I couldn’t meet her look. I’d never felt more ashamed of my actions until then. Adelina had suffered in the same way Pearl had, and I didn’t feel any better than Tristan. In a way, it felt like I had hurt Adelina myself, even though I’d never laid a hand on her.

  Instead of being repulsed, her voice remained steady. “Why?”

  “Crow and I decided to use her to get revenge for our sister. Crow refused to torture Pearl, so I took it upon myself. He got to the house just in time, and he shot me to get me off her.” I rubbed my arm where the bullet had pierced my skin. “Later, Bones took me and used me as bait. He said he wanted to switch me for Pearl. At the time, I thought that was the end for me. I was going to wind up dead in a ditch somewhere. But Pearl made the trade without telling Crow…because she knew he needed me.”

  Adelina’s breathing slowly increased, her chest rising and falling at a faster rate. Her fingers intertwined in her lap, and she stared at the floor. Her thoughts were a mystery behind her eyes, but her emotions were clear.

  She was terrified of me.

  As she should be.

  “I would never hurt you.” I didn’t know what possessed me to say that. I liked being unpredictable, making everyone around me walk on eggshells because they had no idea what I would do. I was capable of anything, even shooting someone between the eyes just for disagreeing with me. It made my employees more productive and my enemies more fearful. But I didn’t want Adelina to feel that way. I didn’t want her to be scared of me the way she was with Tristan. I desired her in many ways, but I’d never wanted to cause her any harm.

  She lifted her chin and met my gaze, her mocha eyes brilliant. I couldn’t tell what she was thinking. She held her cards close to her chest like this wasn’t her first round. She’d been surrounded by terrifying men for a long time now. In her eyes, I probably wasn’t any different. “I know.”

  I stared at her blankly, unable to believe what she’d just said. I confessed that I nearly killed Pearl with my bare hands, and she didn’t slide to the other side of the couch. She met my look like she wasn’t afraid, even though she had every right to be. Her response didn’t make any sense. “You know?”

  “Maybe you used to be that way, but I can tell you aren’t like that anymore. You’re much softer. I saw it when you spoke to Pearl. She said she was disappointed in you, and I could tell you were affected by it.”

  I was affected by it. I respected Pearl the same way I respected Crow, and not just because she was my brother’s wife. She was a strong badass who never gave up. She deserved every ounce of my reverence.

  “And if you were gonna hurt me, you would have done it already. I’ve seen cruelty with my own eyes—and you aren’t it.”

  I never thought I would take a statement like that as a compliment. It filled my chest with a strange sense of warmth. If someone told me they weren’t afraid of me, it would piss me off. I’d been with submissives and I’d paid whores to whip them across the back, but I never considered doing those things with her—because of what she’d been through.

  “I think you could be a good man if you really wanted to be,” she whispered. “Pearl told me how Crow used to be. Now he’s gentle with her. I saw it with my own eyes. Anyone can change if they want it badly enough.”

  I’d never wanted to change. I just wish I hadn’t made a serious mistake. “I don’t want to be a good man.” I didn’t want to stop being a criminal and get a real job. I didn’t want to pay taxes. I didn’t want to stop killing men who got in my way. I didn’t want to settle down with one woman and have kids. I wanted to live outside the law for as long as possible. “I just don’t want to hurt you. Big difference.”

  She didn’t argue with me, accepting me exactly as I was. She turned her eyes to the fire.

  I stared at her profile and loved the way the glow hit her cheeks. Her eyes reflected the red flames, making them glitter like diamonds under the sun. There was something about her that absorbed all my focus. I’d had her in my life for nearly two weeks, and I wasn’t anxious to let her go yet.

  That was unusual for me.

  My hand moved into her hair, and I angled her face my way, exposing her mouth for mine to devour. I kissed her slowly, taking my time like usual. The fire crackled in the background, and our breathing increased the longer we embraced. My hand tightened on her neck, and I slowly lowered her to the couch, my tongue diving in at the same time.

  Her arms circled my neck, and her legs automatically wrapped around my waist. Like a mirror, she showed me exactly the same passion that I gave her, devouring me like she wanted this as much as I did. Her head rested against the back, and her fingers twirled my short strands of hair. Slowly, she began to grind against me, feeling my cock through my sweatpants.

  I moaned into her mo
uth as I undid her jeans. I got them off quickly then removed her thong and tossed it over the back of the couch. I didn’t bother removing my sweatpants. I yanked them down to my ass along with my boxers so my cock could be free. Then I slid it inside her, feeling the slickness I’d come to expect. “Bellissima…” The woman caused me to come undone every single time. I couldn’t get enough of her, and even when I had her, I still wanted more. I straightened one of her legs and rested it against my chest as I rocked into her, cornering her between the armrest and the back of the couch.

  She grabbed my hips and pulled me harder into her, wanting my length as much as I wanted to give it. Her eyes glowed bright and beautiful once she heard the nickname I’d given to her. When I called her that for the first time, I hadn’t thought before I said it. It was a natural feeling, and I just went with it.

  I sucked her bottom lip into my mouth, feeling my balls ache because I enjoyed being buried inside her so much. “I love being inside you…” I’d never felt more at home with any other woman. The sex didn’t need to be crazy or kinky for me to enjoy it. Just thrusting inside her tightness was good enough for me.

  She kissed me back and moved her hands underneath my shirt. She slowly dragged her nails down my back, giving me gentle squeezes as she went. Sometimes I wanted her to cut me so hard I bled, but I doubted she would comply if I asked.

  She kissed me harder as her breathing picked up, and suddenly she stopped kissing me altogether. Her breaths turned into pants, and her nails applied more pressure against my bare skin. I’d screwed her enough times to know exactly when she was about to come. And knowing her climax was about to strike made me tense all over. I never cared about giving pleasure as much as I did about receiving it, but I’d always wanted to make her feel good—to show her sex could be incredible.

  She moaned into my mouth quietly and dug in her nails harder. Her ankles locked together, and she dragged me farther inside her tight pussy, asking for more of my length as she came all around it.

  I’d never seen a more beautiful sight. After the long day I’d just had, all I wanted to do was fill Adelina with my come. There was nothing that got me harder, pumping all my seed inside this beautiful woman who wanted to take it. “You want my come, Bellissima?”