Buttons and Blame Read online

  His eyes were still on the floor. “I couldn’t stand the thought of you in there. I couldn’t sleep…couldn’t eat…it killed me. I went to Crow and told him I had to save you. I regretted letting you go the second your hand was gone from mine.”

  “I don’t know what to say…”

  “You don’t need to say anything, Bellissima. You don’t need to thank me. You don’t owe me anything.”

  My hand moved to his arm, and I caressed his skin.

  He flinched at the touch.

  “Do you not want me to touch you…?” Was he disgusted by me because Tristan was the last person to lay his hands on me?

  “No. I just assumed you didn’t want to be touched for a while…”

  “I don’t,” I whispered. “But I like to touch you, Cane. It makes me feel good.” I leaned my face against his shoulder and sat there with him.

  A moment later, he wrapped his arm around my shoulder and pulled me closer to him. He didn’t say anything else, choosing to hold me in silence.

  And all I wanted was to be held.

  It took thirty minutes in the shower to wash everything away. There was so much dirt, oil, and blood. It was the first time I’d showered in a week, so I stayed under the water much longer than necessary. I hadn’t brushed my teeth either, and thankfully, my old toothbrush was still in the bathroom.

  I scrubbed hard.

  I scrubbed deep.

  I shaved my entire body, removing everything I possibly could. Like last time, I wanted to step out of there as a new person. I wanted to wash away the old and step into the new. I wanted to shed my damaged skin and become another person.

  I liked who I was with Cane. It was the perfect place to recover, to get back on my feet.

  I finished the shower and dried off before I pulled on fresh clothes. A new set of clothes and a shower already made me feel better. I was a human being again. I had rights. I had power.

  I walked into the kitchen because I was starving. Cane fattened me up before I left, but most of that weight had been shed immediately because I only ate once while I was a captive. Cane was in the kitchen when I walked inside, just finished preparing lunch. He had two plates of spaghetti.

  He knew it was my favorite. “Hungry?”

  “Starving.”

  His eyes fell at the comment. He carried the plates to the table, and we ate in silence.

  Cane still didn’t look at me. He seemed to avoid it whenever possible. When I was here before, he could barely take his eyes off me. A constantly intense expression was on his face, his eyes boring into mine like he owned me. He wasn’t afraid to possess me with just a single look. Now he refrained from even allowing me to be in his line of sight.

  It made me feel disgusting. “Cane?”

  “What’s up?” His eyes turned to his food.

  “Why won’t you look at me?”

  “Of course I look at you.” His face moved up, and he met my gaze.

  “But you do everything you possibly can to avoid it. You used to stare at me all the time… Now you try to pretend I don’t exist.”

  He sighed and looked down at his food again. “That’s not what I’m trying to do.”

  “Then what is it? I thought being back here would make me happy…but it seems like you don’t want me here.”

  “Of course I want you here. I’m just… I assumed you wouldn’t want me to look at you.”

  “Why would you think that?” I whispered.

  “After everything you’ve been through, I assumed it would make you uncomfortable. You wouldn’t want to be stared at, touched…stuff like that. I’m just trying to give you space. You must be disturbed. I don’t know how to handle this…”

  “What did you do last time?”

  He turned his expression on me.

  “You stared at me all you wanted. You touched me when you wanted. Nothing has changed.”

  “That was different… I didn’t care about you then.”

  “I think you did.” He would have been worse to me if he hadn’t. “I want you to touch me, Cane. I want you to look at me. I don’t think about anyone else when I’m with you. With you, I feel safe. With you, I feel like I’m at home.”

  His eyes softened.

  “I’m not ready to jump back into bed right away—”

  “I never expected you to.”

  “But I want everything else. I don’t want you to look at me like I’m damaged. I don’t want you to look at me like you pity me.”

  “How can I not feel that way?” he whispered. “The idea of you suffering makes me sick to my stomach.”

  “Well, I’m not suffering anymore, Cane. Now I’m in this beautiful house with a beautiful man. I have a plate of food in front of me, I took a long shower… Everything else will get better in time.” I slid my hand across the table with my palm up.

  He eyed it before he took it. Her fingers interlocked with mine, and he gave me a gentle squeeze. “Bellissima…”

  Cane stripped down to his boxers. His muscled physique was just as strong as ever. Hard lines marked the grooves between his muscles. He was still the powerhouse I remembered, the strong man who could knock over a house if he just pushed hard enough. His shoulders were broad, his hips were slim.

  He was beautiful.

  He was dark outside like the other men I encountered, but he had a distinct brightness in his eyes. He had a soul underneath that hard chest. He was a killer, but he was also a healer. “Are you sure you want to sleep in here?”

  I was already under the sheets with one of his t-shirts on. “I don’t want to sleep alone.” When I slept on that cot, I listened to every sound outside the door, waiting for Tristan to come back for me. I spent all of my time alone, even when Tristan was pounding into me. My mind was the only thing he couldn’t touch. He desecrated everything else, but my mind was too strong to be demolished.

  But now, my walls were gone because Cane was there. I didn’t need to protect myself from him. I would sleep all through the night without being jerked away. No one could touch me when he was beside me.

  Cane pulled back the covers and got into bed beside me.

  I immediately moved to his side of the bed and wrapped my body around his. I loved the way he felt under my fingertips, the way his muscles shifted under the skin. He was warm, like a roaring fire in the hearth. His heartbeat was a lullaby. I crowded his side of the bed and clung to him with no intention of letting go.

  He turned his head toward mine and pressed a kiss to my forehead.

  I missed those kisses. No other man had ever given them to me before.

  His arm hooked around my waist, and he pulled me tight against his body. We were perfectly placed against each other, complementing one another perfectly. I hadn’t felt this comfortable in a long time.

  Within seconds, I felt his length harden against me. All nine inches formed, thick and long. He was warm, and the sensation was unmistakable. I’d felt him against my hip too many times not to recognize it.

  Cane didn’t shift his body. “I can’t control it.”

  “That’s okay…”

  “Doesn’t mean I expect anything.”

  “I know, Cane.”

  “I can move if you want.”

  I hugged him harder. “No.” Feeling him desire me after everything I’d been through only made me feel beautiful. I didn’t feel like damaged goods or someone’s leftovers. Cane didn’t think about Tristan when he was with me.

  He only thought about me.

  Cane stayed home with me for a few days. He cooked all my meals for me and made sure I took my medication. He spent the afternoons lounging by the pool with me. At nighttime, he watched TV while I read in front of the fire.

  We didn’t talk much.

  But it felt the way it used to. It was quiet and comfortable, an unspoken routine established between us. The pain between my legs faded away, and I started to sleep all through the night. I wasn’t as hungry as before since I was getting plenty to eat. My
body tissues swelled with hydration and nutrition. I hadn’t had a nightmare yet, and that surprised me.

  Cane was my dream catcher.

  Despite everything I’d endured, I felt the flame of attraction when I was around him. I missed kissing him, missed the way he would grope my tits while I sat on his lap. I missed his cock deep inside me, coming over and over.

  My enjoyment of sex had been untouched. What I went through with Tristan wasn’t sex at all. That was something else entirely, just violence. I didn’t think the two acts were comparable since they had nothing in common.

  My desire for Cane would never stop.

  I was still in pain between my legs from the way Tristan had fucked me without lubrication. I bled often because I was so dry. My ass still hurt from the things he did to me. Even if I wanted to have sex, I didn’t think it was possible right now.

  But that didn’t mean we couldn’t do other things.

  Cane stepped out of the shower with his hair slightly damp. A towel was around his waist, and he dropped it in the middle of the floor when he opened his drawer and pulled out a fresh pair of boxers.

  I stared at his physique without shame.

  He didn’t notice my stare and came toward the bed. “Want me to make a fire tonight?”

  I rose on my knees in the center of the bed and pulled my shirt over my head. I was just in my panties, my tits on display for him to view. I still had bruises sprinkled across my skin, but now they were faded.

  He stopped and stared.

  “Come here.” I patted the bed beside me.

  He slowly approached the bedside but didn’t climb onto the mattress. His eyes were glued to my tits for a long time before he met my gaze again. “It’s too soon, Bellissima.”

  “You’re right. But that doesn’t mean we can’t do something else…”

  He stayed put. “I think we should wait. We both know I want you, but…I’m in no hurry.”

  “And we both know I want you. So don’t make a woman in your bed ask for you again.”

  His eyes darkened at my comment before he dropped his boxers. He climbed on the bed then positioned me until my head was on the pillow. He held himself over me, his thighs separating mine.

  My ankles locked together at his back, and my arms circled his neck.

  He looked down at me with the same dark expression, but he didn’t do anything. He only stared. “What do you want, Bellissima?”

  “To kiss you.”

  “Anything else?”

  “I want you in my mouth…”

  His expression tightened noticeably. “You don’t owe me anything.”

  “I know I don’t. I want to.” My hands moved up and down his chest.

  “Can I go down on you?”

  I was too sore for intercourse but feeling his soft mouth against my entrance would probably feel amazing. “Please…”

  His hand snaked into my hair, and he prepared to kiss me. “Just tell me when to stop.”

  “I’m not going to want you to stop.”

  His mouth was on mine, and he kissed me softly, deliberately restraining his passion. It was the first time he’d kissed me on the lips since I’d been rescued, always pressing his lips to my hairline or my forehead. His lips caressed mine, and then he breathed into my mouth. His hand tightened on my hair, and he kissed me harder, his passion making me come alive.

  My week of hell didn’t change anything between Cane and me. I wanted him as much as I always had. Our kisses were purposeful, our embraces tender. He gripped me harder and tighter, wanting more of me.

  My thighs squeezed his hips, and I moaned into his mouth as my fingers ran through his hair.

  He abruptly left my mouth and moved down my body, sprinkling kisses down my belly and between my thighs. He got to my opening then pressed a gentle kiss to the entrance, touching me with the softness of a rose petal.

  “Cane…”

  He took his time as he started, giving me light pressure against my clit. He circled slowly before slowly entering my slit. He tasted me then circled me again. Every touch was meaningful but light. He was going easy on me, kissing away my scars and getting my body reacquainted with goodness.

  The longer I moaned, the more he got into it. He widened my legs farther and kissed me harder, working my clit just the way he used to. He kissed harder and harder, pushing me over the edge like he was determined to make me fall.

  And I fell hard.

  His name escaped my lips like it always did. My fingers dug into his hair, and I writhed on the bed, feeling amazing for the first time in over a week. I didn’t think about the pain on Cane’s face. I didn’t think about the past. I didn’t think about my bruises and cuts. I just thought about the natural goodness this man just gave me.

  I felt alive again, like I’d never suffered.

  Cane moved over me, his lips smeared with my arousal. “I love listening to that sound.”

  “I love making it. Now it’s your turn.”

  “Not yet,” he said. “I won’t be done for a while.”

  17

  Cane

  I loved having her in my life again.

  I loved the way she smelled, the way her hair got stuck in the drain, the way she cuddled with me all through the night. I loved the way she took forever to chew her food. She’d just been taken as a prisoner, but she never once looked at me like I was a captor. She trusted me—felt at home with me.

  She wanted me as much as I wanted her. She wasn’t ready to open her legs to me, but she still wanted what she could take. She kissed me like we’d never been apart—and her orgasms were exactly the same.

  I’d risked everything for this woman—but she was completely worth it.

  The bruises faded with every passing day. The nasty colors lightened and returned to her normal skin tone. She became stronger, showing a nice sense of humor. She smiled a lot more often. Vase of flowers started to decorate my home, and her waistline returned to normal.

  I hadn’t returned to work because I didn’t want to leave her.

  I wanted to stay inside this house forever.

  But I had responsibilities to get back to. I had a business to run. And I also had to figure out what to do about Tristan. Crow hadn’t called me, but it was only a matter of time before he showed up on my doorstep.

  “You’re leaving?” Adelina asked when she saw me in my jeans and jacket.

  “Yeah. I have things to take care of at the base.”

  “Oh…” She moved her hands to my hips, and she didn’t mask her disappointment. “I guess it was stupid to think you’d stay with me all day, every day.”

  “I would if I could.” My hand slid around her neck, and I regarded her with the possessiveness I used to show. This woman was my whole world. I adored her. I loved the life that had returned to her cheeks, the strength that made her stand so straight. She was worth everything I’d risked to get her back. “But I’ll be back later.”

  “Alright.”

  I kissed the corner of her mouth. “I’ll set the alarm. The cameras are set. I’ll be able to keep an eye on the house even while I’m gone.”

  “Okay. Is there a chance I could be in danger?”

  “It’s very unlikely. But I’d rather be safe than sorry.” I pulled away and grabbed my keys off the counter.

  “Can I have a gun?”

  I turned around and flashed her a look of surprise. “Do you know how to use one?”

  “I get the gist.”

  I pulled open one of the drawers and pulled out a pistol. “Of course you can. But maybe I should teach you first.”

  She nodded in agreement.

  “It’s in here if you absolutely need it.” I shut the drawer again. “But let’s wait until I get home. I’ll teach you the basics.”

  “Okay.”

  I wrapped my arm around her waist and kissed her again. “I’ll be back in a few hours.”

  “Alright.”

  I walked to the door and snuck a look at her before
I walked out. With long brown hair and a tight shirt, she looked like the woman I’d been dreaming of my entire life. She was beautiful, strong, and she had a resilience even Crow and I couldn’t match. It took all my strength to shut the door and walk to the car.

  Crow was in a pissed-off mood. I could tell just by looking at his furrowed eyebrows.

  “What’s up?” I asked as I took a seat.

  “What’s up?” he asked sarcastically. “While you’ve been playing with your toy, I’ve been trying to track this asshole down. You know, so I can be with my wife again.”

  “I haven’t been playing with my toy,” I snapped. “I’ve been helping her, in case you’ve forgotten what she’s been through.”

  “And what do you think I’m going through? My wife is pregnant, and she’s in Greece by herself.”

  “With Lars and a dozen guards,” I argued. “She’s fine.”

  “Well, I’m not fine,” he snapped. “We need to find Tristan.”

  “What did the team say?”

  “No sign of the boat.”

  “Anywhere?”

  “Nope.”

  I put my feet on the desk as I considered the announcement. “If he survived, he had to take it somewhere.”

  “Or it sank,” he said. “In that case, he could have swum to shore or drowned. So he’s as likely to be dead as he is to be alive.”

  “The only reason why I want him to be alive is so I can kill him with my bare hands.” What he did to Adelina was unforgivable. And the fact that I let it happen was even more unforgivable. She was my woman. She was my life. How did I walk away from her? How did I let this happen?

  “I just want him to be dead so I can get back to my life.”

  “We’ve got eyes and ears everywhere,” I said. “I’ve already told our distant crews we’re looking for him. If the guy is in public at all, word will get back to us. We took out his entire team. Tristan has no one right now. He’s totally helpless. If he tells anyone it was us, then everyone will be more terrified of us than him.”

  Crow nodded in agreement. “True.”

  “He’ll turn up soon. If weeks go by and he doesn’t…we’ll just assume he’s dead or has gone into hiding.”