Buttons and Grace Read online

  I missed him.

  I missed him more now than ever before.

  But I shouldn’t call him. I shouldn’t interrupt his life. If he was moving on, I didn’t want to sabotage that.

  But I had no one else in the world to talk to. He was the only person who really understood me. He was the only man who knew what I’d been through. I didn’t need to explain anything to him. He understood me.

  My resilience waned, and I picked up the phone.

  It must be early in the morning there. He was probably at work or having breakfast. Or maybe he was out on a run. I wouldn’t know until he answered.

  He picked up quickly, answering on the second ring. “Bellissima.”

  It was the most beautiful word I’d ever heard. It possessed a much deeper greeting than it seemed on the surface. It encompassed so much of our relationship, so much of the connection between us. “I hope this isn’t a bad time.”

  “Day or night, it’s never a bad time,” he said quietly.

  “What are you doing?”

  “I’m sitting in my car at the vineyard. I just parked.”

  “How’s the weather?”

  “Sunny with no clouds,” he said. “The sun rose a few hours ago, and the grapes are gleaming in the light. We’re doing a harvest today, so we have a lot of locals coming down to help us pick the fruit.”

  “That sounds nice.”

  “Not a bad way to spend my day.”

  “No…” I turned on my side and closed my eyes, wishing I was standing beside him in Tuscan paradise.

  “How’s life in South Carolina?” He sounded the same way he did before, lighthearted and easygoing. He didn’t seem sad the way he had at the airport. He was either putting on a good performance, or he’d accepted the fact that I was living a new life.

  “It’s okay.” I wanted to tell him it was great, that I loved school and everything else about my life. I wanted to tell him I met new friends and reconnected with old ones. I wanted to say my parents and I took a family trip even though we couldn’t go anywhere without being recognized. But I didn’t say any of that since it wasn’t true.

  “Are you having a hard time?” he asked quietly.

  “It’s not…not what I expected.”

  He was silent, inviting me to continue.

  “Everyone knows who I am. Everywhere I go, people take pictures of me. My story had a lot of media coverage, so all my classmates know everything that happened to me. People walk on eggshells around me like I might explode any minute. My old friends don’t know how to behave around me. Not a single guy has asked me out. I haven’t gotten a job because I know people will be weird when they interact with me…”

  He sighed into the phone. “I’m sorry to hear that.” Even though he’d warned me of this, he seemed sincere. “What about your parents?”

  “They’re the one thing that hasn’t changed. We play board games together and still sit down for our meals. That’s nice. But that’s the only thing that’s enjoyable.”

  * * *

  “At least you have them.”

  “Yeah…I moved in to a little house down the street. I needed my own space, and they were reluctant to let me go. But now they’re okay with it.”

  “It’s in a nice area, right?” The protective side of him emerged, a version of him that would never die, no matter how many miles separated us.

  “Very nice.”

  “Did you buy it?”

  “No, just renting.”

  Cane didn’t express his disappointment that I hadn’t bought anything. “I wish things were better for you, Bellissima. All I can say is, it should get better in time. In a few years, people will forget about your story.”

  I didn’t want to wait years to have a normal life. “Yeah…”

  Cane sat on the phone with me in silence, enjoying my presence even when we didn’t have a conversation. “Last time we were on the phone, you told me you missed me.”

  I held my breath.

  “You hung up on me before I could say it back. So I’m going to say it now. I miss you too, Bellissima.”

  I closed my eyes and felt my chest ache.

  “Your clothes are still in the closet. Your makeup is still in my bathroom. I still don’t sleep on your side of the bed because I’m so used to having you there. It’s a habit I can’t break.”

  I didn’t have a response to such beautiful words, so I didn’t say anything at all. Tears were already in my eyes, and I wished I were sitting beside him in that car. I wished I could look at his face, touch his beard.

  When Cane knew I wasn’t going to say anything, he changed the subject. “Pearl is starting to show. I can see her belly through her shirts.”

  “Aww…”

  “Crow is really happy. I can tell he’s taken to fatherhood pretty well, even though the baby isn’t here yet.”

  “He’ll be a great dad.”

  “Yeah, he will be,” he whispered. “Other than that, there’s been nothing new going on. We’re still working on the second winery, and I’ve taken over at the original one so Crow can be home with Pearl more.”

  “That’s nice.”

  The silence returned to the conversation. We sat together and absorbed the unspoken tension between us. I knew Cane didn’t want to get off the phone even though he had nothing to say, and I didn’t want to get off the phone either. I wanted him beside me right then and there.

  But I couldn’t tell him that.

  After another five minutes of silence, Cane spoke. “I should get to work…”

  “Yeah, I should get some sleep.”

  “You can call me for anything, Bellissima. Even if you just want someone to talk to.”

  “I know.”

  “Good night.”

  “Good night.” I wanted to hear him say he loved me even if I didn’t say it back. I wanted to feel his love wrap around me, to make me feel safe in this foreign land. I felt like I was on a different planet, walking the surface with aliens rather than people.

  “I love you.” He hung up immediately, cutting the line before I had the chance to say anything back—or to say nothing back.

  And I knew that was why he did it.

  Chapter 23

  Cane

  After my drinking incident, I steered clear of booze.

  It was too soon to trust myself around it.

  When I went out with those guys in Florence, I’d just wanted a distraction so I would stop thinking about Adelina. If a woman flirted with me and wanted sex, I was going to do it so I could drown my sorrow in someone else.

  But when the women came up to me, I didn’t take the bait.

  I didn’t want them.

  Women used to cure my other sicknesses, but now it wasn’t effective. So I turned to alcohol instead and drank way too much. I got so drunk that I still don’t remember most of that night. I didn’t even remember getting behind the wheel to drive home. I didn’t remember getting pulled over. I didn’t remember my brother taking me home.

  It was pathetic.

  I didn’t see Crow for a week because I knew he wasn’t joking.

  He didn’t want to look at my face.

  I completely understood. I didn’t want to look at my face much either.

  When I walked into the winery that day, I felt weak and hopeless. I’d just spoken to Adelina, but that didn’t uplift me. It hurt that she was unhappy. It hurt me that people treated her like a victim rather than the badass woman she was. It bothered me that she didn’t feel like she belonged there anymore.

  I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want her to give up and come back.

  But I also wanted her to be happy.

  It was the first unselfish moment I’d ever had, and that made me feel worse. It made me realize I truly loved this woman from the bottom of my heart. My love for her was selfless, real, and deep. I treated her the way Crow treated Pearl—like she was the only thing that mattered.

  The realization created a powerful wave of sadness
.

  I walked into the warehouse and struggled to focus on what I was supposed to do. My mind kept flicking back to Adelina, imagining her lying in her bed all alone. She was doing that right now, probably still thinking about me.

  I told her I loved her and didn’t care if she wouldn’t say it back.

  I wanted her to know I still loved her just as much—even if the rest of the world just saw her as entertainment.

  Crow walked inside a few minutes later, wearing a black suit. The atmosphere around his body was still slightly hostile, and I knew it would be that way for a while until he truly forgave me for what I did.

  Right now, I didn’t really care.

  Crow talked about the shipments going out that afternoon, giving me a refresher even though I hadn’t forgotten anything. It’d only been a week. All I’d been doing during that time was thinking about Adelina and the fact that I wasn’t working because my brother didn’t want to see my face.

  I nodded along without really caring.

  Crow eyed me suspiciously, knowing my mind was elsewhere. “What’s up?”

  “Adelina just called me when I pulled up.” I grabbed the shipping information from the clipboard then checked the serial numbers against the barrels.

  “She did?” Crow came to my side and grabbed the clipboard from my hand. “What did she say?”

  “It’s been hard for her to adjust. People see her as entertainment.”

  “Because her story was all over the news?”

  I nodded.

  “She’s not loving it. Feels a little lost.”

  “Did she say she wants to come back?” he asked.

  “No…” I’d been hoping to hear that, but it never came. I wasn’t going to push her in any direction. If she wanted to come back, she had to make that decision on her own.

  “But she hates it there?”

  “She didn’t say she hated it. She just doesn’t love it.”

  Crow set the clipboard off to the side. “You need to go get her, Cane.”

  “What?”

  “Go get her,” he repeated. “You let her go because that’s what she wanted. But now she told you it’s not working out like she thought. That means you need to go there and remind why she needs to come back. That’s your woman—so go get her.”

  “That’s the exact opposite of what you told me to do in the first place.”

  “It’s not,” he said. “She wanted to leave, and you had to let her go. Holding her hostage wasn’t the answer. But now, she’s lost. Now, she’s unhappy. She’s living in a world where people make her feel like she’s dirty. Go talk to her.”

  There was nothing I wanted more. I was only partially living in this miserable existence. Time passed slowly because my life had no meaning. I was heartbroken, but it was a kind of broken that couldn’t be fixed.

  “I’m serious,” Crow said. “Go.”

  “That’s what you would do if this were Pearl?”

  He shook his head. “I’d be halfway to the airport right now.”

  * * *

  I hopped on the plane and landed in America an eternity later. Due to the time change, connections, and the long flights, it was nighttime there. I wanted to rush to her house and knock on her front door, but it was too late for that.

  I’d have to wait until tomorrow.

  I checked into the same hotel I stayed at with her the last time I was there.

  Crow called me after I’d been there for an hour. “Hey, you’re on the ground, right?”

  “You sound worried,” I teased.

  “Just want to make sure. Your flight info isn’t popping up on the website.”

  It seemed like he wasn’t mad at me anymore. “Did you get that information for me?”

  “Yeah. I got her address. Wasn’t hard to find. Are you going now?”

  “No. It’s almost eleven here. She might be asleep already.”

  “You have the patience to wait until tomorrow?” he asked incredulously.

  “I want to do this right.”

  “And what exactly are you going to do?” he asked.

  “I’ll swing by and ask her to dinner.”

  “Not a bad idea.”

  “I want to show her that I couldn’t care less about what she went through. While everyone else stares at her like some kind of freak, I see her as the beautiful woman she really is. I want her in my bed for the rest of my life. I’m man enough to erase every memory she has of the others. It’ll be like they were never there at all.”

  Crow paused over the line. “You should tell her that.”

  “I will.”

  “Let me know how it goes. Pearl and I both hope she comes back with you.”

  “That makes three of us.”

  * * *

  I waited until the evening before I pulled up to the front of her house. It was a petite little place, positioned between two bigger houses. It was much smaller than the mansion she shared with me, but it somehow reminded me of her.

  It fit her perfectly.

  The sun had just set, and the night deepened. I stared at the front door for a moment and studied the windows. I noticed the gentle blue light that was shifting, obviously the light projected from a TV screen.

  She was home.

  I got out of the car and walked up the sidewalk until I reached her front porch. I hadn’t seen her in six weeks. She might look different. Her hair could be longer. She could be thinner or heavier. She could look sad or happy. I really didn’t know what to expect.

  I stood there as I tried to gather my thoughts. She would be shocked to see me on the other side of her door. I just hoped happiness would linger behind once the surprise faded away. My knuckles rested against the wood, and I took a long pause before I finally knocked.

  It was happening.

  There was no going back now.

  I heard her footsteps from inside the house. She came closer and closer until she stopped right in the entryway.

  I knew she was looking through the peephole first.

  Good girl.

  I wondered what her expression was once she realized it was me. Her eyes probably snapped wide open, and her lips parted with the deep breath she took. Her heart was slamming against her ribs as it raced.

  The lock clicked, and she opened the door.

  When I got a glimpse of her, I lost my breath. She was as beautiful as I remembered, with long brown hair and mocha eyes. She wore a long-sleeved shirt and black jeans with bare feet. She was over a foot shorter than me, but she made up for her petiteness with her presence. She was curvy, sexy, and absolutely perfect.

  I missed her more now than I had before.

  She held on to the door for balance as she processed what she was witnessing. Her eyes shifted back and forth as she looked into my expression, seeing the man she would recognize anywhere. She could pick out my voice in a crowded room with a blindfold over her eyes. She opened her mouth to say something, but nothing came out.

  “Want to have dinner with me?” I had a speech prepared about being in town on business, but I thought it was a pointless thing to say. She would see right through that. The obvious reason I was there was just to see her.

  She let go of the door as a smile replaced her surprise.

  Exactly as I hoped.

  “Yes…I’d love to.”

  * * *

  I took her by the hand and guided her to the table the hostess was leading us to. We took our seats, got our menus, and then we were alone together again.

  It was the first time we’d eaten together in public.

  It was basically our first date—our first real date.

  She held her menu open between her hands, but she kept sneaking glances at me.

  I didn’t look at my menu at all, far more interested in looking at her. She didn’t look different at all. Not a single thing had changed. I expected to spot the melancholy in her eyes, but that didn’t exist. Perhaps when she was with me, she actually felt some form of happiness.


  At least I hoped.

  She looked down at her menu again, a smile on her lips.

  I missed that smile. “You’re just as beautiful as I remember.”

  A blush filled her cheeks. “Thanks…”

  I glanced at my menu, picked something decent, and set my menu aside. I rested my elbows on the table and leaned close to her, wanting there to be as little distance as possible.

  She closed her menu and set it to the side.

  “What are you having?”

  “Some pasta. I just picked something.”

  “Me too.” I felt the corners of my lips pull into a smile.

  The waiter came over, and judging by the way he stared at Adelina so intently, he recognized her. “Uh, what can I get for you?”

  We ordered and handed our menus over.

  The waiter stared again, his eyes narrowing as he remembered exactly where he’d seen her face before.

  “Is there a problem?” I kept my voice low, but my coldness was unmistakable.

  “No…not at all.” He walked away, leaving us alone again.

  Adelina dropped her smile at the encounter.

  I reached my hand across the table, and I held hers. I should keep my affection to a minimum, but I couldn’t. Now that I had her so close, I couldn’t restrain myself. I missed her like crazy. I missed her even more now that I was directly across from her.

  Her hand latched on to mine immediately, like she’d been hoping for the affection.

  We ignored the basket of bread on the table and stared at each other. Just like the silent conversations we had over the phone, we were doing the same now. It was full of the same intensity, the same longing.

  She never asked why I was there.

  I didn’t feel the need to explain.

  We just savored each other’s company in the crowded room, ignoring the inappropriate stares directed our way. People were casting judgments on both of us. She was holding hands with a man at least five years older than her. She was already seeing someone after what she’d been through? I wanted to be with a woman that had been trafficked? A million thoughts were going through their minds.

  But they didn’t know us. No one did.