First Read online

  “By doing something I don’t want to do.”

  “No. Something you’re scared to do. You just said you still love me—”

  “Not like that,” I snapped. “In an affectionate way, in a fondness for the years we shared together. I told you I’m seeing someone.”

  “No. You said you were seeing other people.”

  “Well, I’ve been seeing one specific person for a few months now, and I don’t want to stop seeing him.”

  His body sagged noticeably, like I’d punched him in the stomach. “Is it serious?”

  “I don’t know…we aren’t seeing other people.” Because I didn’t want to. Because I couldn’t stand the thought of sharing him. Because I wanted him all to myself…every night…for the foreseeable future.

  “We just got divorced,” he said coldly. “Don’t you think that’s too soon?”

  “We’ve been divorced for nine months, Liam. And the last three months of that marriage don’t count. I was miserable. Every time we made love, all I could think about was you and that other woman. So it’s been over a year. A damn year.”

  He had the humility to look away for a second, still ashamed of what he did.

  “So, it’s not too soon. I like him…a lot.”

  He blinked again, as if that hurt. “He’ll never love you the way I do.”

  “Maybe. But at least I trust him.”

  His eyes narrowed. “It’s easier to trust someone when things are good. But what about when it goes to shit? You have no way to predict what he’ll do. He’s not better than me. He’ll fuck up like all men do. At least I actually love you, would die to protect you, would do anything to make you smile.”

  “Liam—”

  “You don’t know him well enough to trust him. Who is he?”

  I wouldn’t throw Damien under the bus like that. Liam still used his bank, and if he knew…he’d burn that place to the ground. “It doesn’t matter.”

  “Yes, it fucking matters. Answer me.” He continued to raise his voice, but the staff didn’t dare quiet him, not when they knew who he was.

  I slightly raised my hand off the table to silence him. “Liam.”

  He shut his mouth, but his red face showed his rage.

  “The answer is no.”

  His eyes didn’t blink.

  I got out of my chair because I couldn’t stay there any longer. “I hope that you love me enough not to do this…because I would be devastated if you weren’t here anymore. But I won’t sacrifice my happiness to keep you alive. I won’t settle for a man who hurt me, betrayed me at my lowest point, just so he won’t recklessly throw his life away.”

  I was low and wanted the one person who took away all my stress. His fingers in my hair always calmed me down, his powerful gaze always made me feel safe, but if I called him, I would have to tell him why I was upset. And I didn’t want to talk about it.

  But I was sitting in the dark, suffocated by my thoughts.

  I texted him. Come over. I didn’t want to be needy or demanding, but I was anxious to see him, wanted him to drop whatever he was doing to hold me.

  He responded immediately, like he’d been staring at his phone when my message popped up. Want me to pick up something on the way? Anything but pizza. I need to lay off that shit.

  He made me chuckle. No. Just you.

  Fifteen minutes later, he let himself into the apartment without knocking. He was in jeans and a t-shirt, his jaw smooth because he’d shaved that morning. If he noticed the puffiness around my eyes, he didn’t act like it. He took the seat beside me on the couch, his arm moving behind my neck as he held me close. His fingers slid into the back of my hair, the touch exactly what I’d been craving.

  I looked into his handsome face, my expression growing soft as I appreciated all those masculine features, especially that hard jawline. My hand reached up, and my fingers rested against his lips, feeling the only soft feature he possessed.

  While staring at me, his mouth kissed my fingertips, treasuring them the way he did with the rest of my body.

  My fingers moved to his chin and touched his jaw before they dropped to his chest. Conversation wasn’t what I needed to feel comforted. It was just…his attention, his affection. I loved how he could convey so much without saying a single word.

  “Want to talk about it?” His hand wrapped around mine, and he drew my wrist to his lips, kissing the sensitive area gently, his mouth bringing warmth to my delicate skin.

  “How do you know something is wrong?”

  He held my hand on his thigh, his expression the same. “Because I know you, Annabella.”

  Wearing his t-shirt, I lay in bed beside him, the light from the obnoxious streetlight entering through the cheap blinds on the window. I was on my side looking at him, feeling his hand glide over my stomach to the area between my tits.

  The muscles of his chest and abs moved slightly as he touched me, as he explored the curves he’d felt so many times before. Sometimes, his gaze would drop to my lips, my chin, and then down to the sight of me in his t-shirt.

  I preferred his place over mine, but he made me comfortable wherever I was. He never insulted what little I could afford, and he seemed perfectly relaxed in a place far below his standard of living. Liam would refuse to stay there out of principle. But Damien wasn’t like that.

  The longer I was with him, the more I wanted him.

  We hadn’t said more than a few sentences to each other since he came over. He asked what was wrong, but I never answered. We ended up in bed, having slow sex that chased away all the heartache in my chest.

  Now I was at peace…because he always gave me peace.

  His hand glided between my tits, stroking the swell on either side, feeling my calm heartbeat right below my left breast. He pulled his hand from his t-shirt then cupped my face, pulling away the hair that had fallen in front of my eyes. He tucked it back, his fingers slightly brushing against my cheek.

  He was too good to me not to deserve my honesty. I’d told him I didn’t want anything serious, just monogamy, but I began to realize how much he meant to me, that I did want this to be serious. He was the only man who made me think about a future, made me scared to picture my life without him. I didn’t ever want to risk that. “I had dinner with Liam tonight.”

  He didn’t react at all.

  “He told me he had something important to talk about. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have agreed to meet him.” I wanted to explain that part, so he understood I didn’t go out with Liam for the hell of it. “He told me he was going to go back to death fighting, where he and his opponent race to kill the other with their bare hands.”

  His fingers stopped caressing my cheek as he listened.

  “After we got married, I asked him to stop, and he agreed. He still worked in the ring, but only with regular fighting, where the guys beat each other to a pulp, but no one dies.” I suspected Damien already knew what Liam did for a living since he was a client. “He told me he was going to go back to death fighting…unless I took him back.”

  This time, he did react, his eyes widening in obvious surprise.

  “It was a terrible thing to do, to put that on my shoulders.”

  “What did you say?”

  I stared at him for a long time, my fingers moving over his bare chest. “I told him I wanted to be with you…”

  I worked with Sofia for the first week, shadowing her and learning new responsibilities for the hotel. My job required me to be in my office most of the time, to process staff complaints and do a bunch of paperwork. It wasn’t a flashy job, but it was a big salary increase, so I wouldn’t have to stay in that little apartment for long.

  And Sofia was great to work with, so that was nice.

  We sat together in her office and worked through lunch. She was behind the desk, eating a plate of grilled salmon with veggies. She sliced into the tender meat with her fork while looking at her computer.

  I got a sandwich because I wasn’t interested in dieting.
“Damien told me your husband and he used to be good friends.”

  She sighed as she typed a few words. “Yeah. It’s been a long time since they’ve been civil to each other. Hades provokes Damien, and Damien is reactive, so he just makes it worse…and it escalates.”

  I couldn’t picture Damien putting up with bullshit from anyone, even a good friend. “That’s too bad. It really bothers him.”

  “I know. I’ve tried talking to my husband, but he refuses to listen…even though I know he still cares.”

  “You think they’ll work it out someday?”

  She shrugged. “Maybe if tragedy strikes…”

  Damien comforted me through all my problems, and I wished I could do something to help him. But I’d never even met Hades, so it wasn’t like I could change his mind. “That’s too bad. Damien has never explicitly said it, but I know he loves him.”

  “Yeah. I do too. So, how are things going with Damien?”

  “Good.” I smiled when I thought about him. “He’s a great guy.”

  “He can be when he wants to be,” she teased. “So, he must like you.”

  “I can’t imagine him being any different.”

  “Well, he’s a drug lord and a professional money launderer, so he’s capable of being a scary man. I’ve seen my husband get that way. It’s pretty scary. But that’s not an awful thing. I’d rather be married to the big bad wolf than the innocent lion.”

  Me too.

  “Because good guys only finish last.”

  The next day, I met her husband for the first time. Sofia was in the bathroom when he stepped inside, wearing a dark blue suit and a black tie. A shiny watch was on his wrist, and his wedding band was interesting because it was midnight black. He scanned her desk, and when he realized she wasn’t there, he looked at me.

  He stared for a few seconds, looking at me like I might be a possible threat to his wife because I shouldn’t be there. But then pragmatism set in, and he deduced my identity, turning a little warmer. “Anna?”

  “Yes.” I got out of the chair and extended my hand. “You must be Sofia’s husband.”

  He took my hand with a firm shake before he released me. “I am. Where is she?” Once he let me go, he slid his hands into his pockets, adopting a harmless stance. He immediately reminded me of Damien, tall, confident, with the same ruthless body language.

  “Bathroom. She pees a lot.”

  He raised an eyebrow at my comment.

  “Because of the baby,” I quickly explained, trying not to seem weird. Even though he wasn’t friends with Damien anymore, I was still uneasy around him, wanting to make a good impression that made me act stupid.

  He nodded slightly then continued to stare.

  Now I didn’t know what else to say. I was supposed to work on paperwork while she was gone, but now I wanted to leave so I wouldn’t have to bear the awkward silence while we both waited for her.

  He didn’t seem uncomfortable with the long silence. He glanced at her desk and the picture frame on top, a picture of both of them with their son Andrew.

  “I’m not sure if Damien or Sofia told you—”

  “That you’re seeing Damien?” he asked. “Yeah, I know. I warned him about it.”

  “Warned?”

  “Liam is my client. Conflict of interest.”

  “Oh…”

  He went back to ignoring me.

  “Liam isn’t a client of Damien’s, so I don’t see why it matters. And Liam understands I’m free to see whoever I want—as is he.”

  He turned back to me.

  I didn’t have to prove anything to him, but I didn’t want anything to come between Damien and me…especially Liam. “Damien talks about you a lot—”

  “And I don’t want to talk about him.” He shut me down so quickly, practically backhanding me with his large hand. His anger toward Damien was obvious in the way he lashed out at me, the way he could barely stand to hear his name. There wasn’t just aggression and hatred…but pain.

  “For what it’s worth, he still feels terrible. And he misses you.” Maybe I shouldn’t have said that, betrayed Damien’s confidence like that, but I knew how much he cared about this man in the little things he said, the way he blew me off because he was too upset to even look at me. He was heartbroken the way I was, nursing wounds after losing someone. His relationship hadn’t been romantic like mine, but it was just as painful.

  Hades shifted his gaze back to me, and this time, there was a different look in his eyes, less hostility, like he’d actually listened to what I’d said and wanted to know more. But he never asked because Sofia walked back inside.

  With her hand over her stomach, she came up behind him. “Hey, sexy.”

  He turned at the sound of her voice, her compliment immediately inflating his ego, hitting him in his most vulnerable place. His eyes were different when he looked at her, like he was witnessing an angel without wings. “Baby.”

  She moved onto her tiptoes and gave him a kiss on the lips before she turned away.

  He looked like a sad puppy, wanting more love than he’d just gotten.

  “You’ve met Anna?” she asked.

  “Yeah.” Now that she was in the room, his eyes were reserved for her. I was practically invisible.

  She organized a few things on her desk before she grabbed her purse. “We’re going to lunch. You want to come?”

  I didn’t want to get on Hades’s bad side, and I was pretty certain I’d already crossed the line with him. The best thing to do was back off. “I brought my lunch today. But thank you.”

  She didn’t question it. “Where do you want to go?” She moved back around the desk and walked up to him.

  He stared at her like he hadn’t heard a word she’d said, too focused on her beauty to care about the question she’d just asked. “You choose.”

  “I always choose.”

  “You’re giving me another son. You get to choose.”

  She smiled before she walked out the door. “Good answer.”

  He followed behind her, his hand on her ass.

  Now that I worked during business hours, my nights were always free.

  There was only one way I wanted to spend it. Are you home?

  Depends. Are you naked?

  Even if I said yes, I’d have to put on clothes to get over there.

  No, you don’t.

  I laughed to myself. Does that mean you’re free?

  Get your ass over here, Annabella.

  I took a cab to his place and entered his bedroom fifteen minutes later. Dinner for two was set on the table, along with a single white candle.

  In his boxers, he walked to me and kissed me in greeting. “You aren’t naked.”

  “I didn’t want to get arrested.”

  He winked. “I would have bailed you out.”

  I pulled my shirt over my head and immediately got undressed.

  His eyebrow rose as he watched me.

  I left on my bra and panties. “How’s this?”

  “Better.”

  I smiled before I kissed him again, feeling that same electricity every time we touched. My hands moved to his bare chest as I got high off the feeling, leaving all my baggage at the door and feeling nothing but good.

  His hand slid into my hair as he deepened the kiss.

  “I like it when you do that,” I whispered against his lips.

  He stopped kissing me so he could stare for a moment. “I know.” He rubbed his nose against mine before he kissed me again, his hand digging deeper into my hair. He gave me his breaths and his tongue, his strong arm wrapping around my frame and keeping me tight against his physique.

  I had been hungry when I walked inside, but now I couldn’t care less about the gourmet meal just feet away. My hand cupped his face as I fell deeper into him, my lips trembling because it felt so good, felt better than it ever did with anyone else. It was spiritual, adventurous, beautiful.

  He guided me to his bed and got me on my back, his larg
e size moving on top of me as he pinned me down. He left my bra on but got my bottoms off before he kicked off his own. Then he was inside me a moment later, his hand pinning both of my wrists to the mattress as he thrust, his eyes locked on to mine.

  I fought against his hold, desperate to touch him after he’d made me feel so good. “Damien…”

  He squeezed me harder. “You want to touch me, Annabella?”

  My ankles tightened around his waist, and I pulled him closer. “Yes…”

  After a quiet groan, he released my wrists and dug his hand into my hair again.

  Once my nails scratched down his back, I moaned loudly, unleashed and enjoying him fully. It was like taking a hit of the most potent drug on the black market, the way he set my nerves on fire and brought me such joy. Sex wasn’t always this good, wasn’t always this perfect, but with him…it was heaven. “I don’t want to share you…with anyone.” My fingers dug into his hair, and I rocked with him, lost in those sexy eyes. I didn’t know why I said that because he was already mine. It just came out.

  “Annabella.” He placed a few kisses to the corner of my mouth then on my jawline. Slowly, he made his way to my ear, venturing along my neckline before he breathed against the shell of my ear. “I’m yours as long as you want me.”

  He sat across from me and ate his dinner quietly, making eye contact with me or looking out the window to the darkness outside. An open bottle of wine was on the table, and our glasses were constantly refilled. He relaxed in his chair instead of holding himself with constant rigidness, like he had nothing to hide. When he did look at me, he stared…like he wanted me to know how hard he was looking.

  One knee was bent against my chest as I ate the delicious dinner Patricia made. But the most delicious thing on the menu was the man across from me, the quiet man who said more with his expression than his lips. He’d changed my life that day I walked into the bank. He’d helped me when anyone else would have blown me off because of the small balance in my bank account. Then he saw something worthwhile in me and chased me until he got what he wanted.