Buttons and Shame Read online

  It would change everything.

  I walked to his bedroom, feeling my bare feet tap against the hardwood wood along the way. The muscles of my back were tight around my spine, making my entire body rigid with tension. Tristan forced me to do things against my will, things I despised. But as I walked farther into Cane’s room, I felt the heat form between my legs. It was delicate, but it was growing hotter with every step I took.

  I wanted this.

  But I also didn’t want this.

  His door was cracked, and I could see the light from the fire glow against the walls and form shadows in the corners. I pressed my palm against the mahogany wood and gave it a gentle push. It swung inward without making a sound, the house solidly built with Italian craftsmanship and quality.

  The blankets had been yanked to the bottom so only the sheets and pillows remained behind. He had a large hearth that faced his bed, and it was nearly as big as the one in his living room. With white paneling and original moldings, it looked like a fireplace for a king. A painting hung above it, a naked woman lying in a field of sunflowers. Instead of finding the image gratuitous, I actually liked it. With a lazy expression, she looked up into the light filtering through the oak tree just above her, butterflies flitting around her. It represented peace, a stage of existence I couldn’t recall anymore. I was jealous of this woman, of her peaceful acceptance of life and death.

  Cane walked out of the bathroom in his black boxers. His cock pressed against the front, a noticeable bulge that was impossible not to command attention. He was definitely bigger than Tristan, bigger than all the others.

  I doubted I could even take it.

  A nearly empty glass of scotch was in his hand. I hardly ever saw him in the evenings without the amber liquid somewhere nearby. He never seemed affected by the amount of alcohol in his system. Maybe he was drunk all the time, and I’d never met the sober version of Cane.

  He downed the contents that remained and left it on the dresser as he walked toward the bed. His eyes roamed over my body like he’d never seen me before. They focused on my tits, the attribute he seemed most interested in. His mouth was usually sealed around my nipple, and he gave it a playful bite. His eyes slowly moved down my figure, traveling down my stomach and to the other part of my body he was most obsessed with. “I’m not gonna wait anymore. You understand me?” He dropped his boxers, revealing his rock-hard cock and the vein that throbbed along his shaft. His hand circled the base of his cock, and he rubbed himself slightly as he looked at me.

  I would much rather spend the night with Cane than return to the psychopath that got off to hitting me just as much as fucking me. “Yes.” I walked to the bed on my own, feeling my tits shake as I walked. His eyes were on me the entire time, practically burning me with just his stare. I felt the sheets with my fingertips and remembered how soft they were when I slept with him the night before. “How do you want me?” When he didn’t answer me right away, I looked up to meet his gaze.

  He stared me down with a harder expression than before, a searing gaze that was hot enough to char meat. His hand released his thick cock and moved to his side, but his length stuck out like a sword about to stab someone.

  My heart was pounding so hard it shook my chest. My lips suddenly felt dry, like I needed his kiss to make them soft once more. I was scared but oddly aroused at the same time. None of it made sense.

  Cane never answered me and chose to walk around the bed until his chest was pressed to my back. He pressed his cock between my ass cheeks, his lubricated head leaking against my lower back. His hands moved to my shoulders, and he gave them a gentle squeeze before he pressed a kiss to my neck.

  Tristan preferred to take me from behind when he didn’t care about watching me cry. He spanked my ass with his palm or a whip, leaving marks that still hadn’t gone away. They were taking forever to fade. Maybe they would never go away.

  Cane placed kisses along my neck and down my spine. He pressed his large palm against my back and slowly guided me forward on the bed, allowing his mouth to move lower and lower until he kneeled at the bed. His mouth moved all the way down my cheeks, over my ass, and to my pussy.

  He kissed me there with gentle caresses, stroking my clit with his tongue as well as his lips.

  I closed my eyes and squeezed my lips together, forgetting all the fears I had for this moment. Now all I could do was feel, appreciate that experienced mouth against my throbbing clit.

  His large hands moved up and down my thighs and gripped my ass cheeks. He’d been waiting a week to have me, and now that he could, he was still taking his time. He wanted to make me feel good, make me wet.

  And it was working.

  He rose to his feet again and rubbed his cock between my cheeks. His hands pressed against the mattress on either side of the bed, and I suspected he would fuck me just like that. He dipped his head and kissed my shoulder again, trailing kisses all the way up my neck. His cock throbbed against my cheeks, more of his arousal dripping into the crack.

  He pulled his warm body away from mine then grabbed my ass and lifted me onto the bed.

  I tilted my hips and pressed my ass into the air. My thighs separated, and I prepared for that enormous cock that was about to stretch me wider than any other man had before.

  He moved behind me then pressed more kisses along my spine. “As beautiful as this angle is, it’ll have to wait for another time.” He rolled me onto my back then positioned me until my head rested back on the pillow.

  He moved on top of me, his powerful body dominating mine while the fire crackled in the hearth. The light from the flames glowed behind him, reaching up to the ceiling. He positioned one of my legs over his shoulder then kissed the inside of my knee. His lips slowly moved up my thigh and to my soaked entrance.

  My hands rested on the bed on either side of me, and they immediately tugged at the sheets. My nipples were hard as the tip of a knife. He moved his mouth to my other leg and kissed the sensitive skin until he reached the apex of my thighs.

  I immediately closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

  I never felt this good with Tristan—not once.

  Cane moved up my body and parted my thighs with his arms. His wrists locked behind my knees as he spread me wide apart. His strong physique moved over me, and he stopped his face just inches from mine.

  His cock pressed against my wet folds, electrifying me the second we touched. “I would never hurt you.” He rocked his hips and rubbed his cock over my folds. “I would never lie to you. I want you to know that.”

  My hands moved up his chest, feeling the solid slab of muscle I’d touched many times. His touch and words were gentle. Everything about this was different from my previous experiences. I felt like a person, not just a warm body.

  He kissed me slowly, sucking my bottom lip into his mouth before he breathed into my lungs. His kiss was just as intoxicating as before, full of purposeful attention and sexy embraces. He kissed me like he loved me, even if I didn’t mean anything to him.

  He pressed the head of his cock to my entrance and slowly pushed. He moaned once he felt the pool of moisture between my lips.

  Now that he was entering me, all I could think about was the brutal way Tristan shoved himself inside me. That man didn’t try to make me feel comfortable. He didn’t give my body any time to adjust to him. He pushed himself inside me violently and groaned when I bled all over the sheets. When I cried, he fucked me harder, calling me a stupid whore.

  I couldn’t get it out of my mind.

  My hands automatically pressed against his chest, stopping him from moving inside me any farther.

  Cane broke our kiss and gave me a ruthless glare. “Do you trust me?”

  “What…?” I had expected him to say anything else but that.

  “You love kissing me. You love sucking me. And you’ll love this. Stop thinking about everything else and just think about me.”

  My arms hooked around his neck because I wanted to cling to him. He
was the only man who’d been civil to me, and now I relied on him as the only friend I had. “It’s more complicated than that.”

  “No, it’s not. I’ll go easy on you. I’ll make you come—like I always do.”

  “But—”

  He sealed his mouth over mine and silenced my words with a kiss. His cock slowly moved farther inside me, every inch stretching me wide apart. It’d been a week since a man had entered me, and that was enough time to let my body heal. Now it was widening again, adjusting to the size of Cane’s impressive length.

  My hands moved to his arms, and I gripped his biceps just to have something to grab on to.

  “Jesus Christ…” He slowly slid the rest of the way, only a few inches of his length remaining outside my body. He stopped kissing me because all he could do was breathe into my mouth.

  I did the same. It was the only time a man had felt good inside me. It didn’t hurt like it did all the other times, at least, not in a painful way. The discomfort was subtle, and the pleasure was in the foreground, taking all of my attention. My arousal leaked from my entrance and down my crack to the sheets below me. He hadn’t even begun to move inside me, but it already felt good.

  “Fuck, you’re so wet.” He shoved himself the rest of the way, his cock hitting me deep inside.

  Now he knew my objections were weak and my body really wanted this. I wished I didn’t want him as much as I did. It wasn’t normal, not after everything I’d been through. But my body still came to life when a beautiful man touched me the right way.

  Cane held his face above mine and slowly began to rock into me, his length sliding through my fluids. He thrust his hips and hit me deep inside before he pulled out again, slowly enjoying my body.

  My breathing quickened, and my heartbeat turned erratic. My nails dug farther into his skin, and I pulled him closer to me, wanting his chest to rub against my tits as he rocked with me. I was pinned underneath him with my legs stretched wide, but I would never be open enough to take that big package.

  Cane closed his eyes for a moment, a deep moan escaping from the back of his throat. When he opened his eyes again, he wore a strong smolder. His gaze burned into mine, and the pleasure radiated in his look. He was enjoying every part of me, savoring every inch.

  My hands moved to his shoulders, and I felt his muscles shift under the skin. My nails clawed at his back, and my hips slowly started to rock with him. Soon, I matched his pace, taking his length at the same speed he gave it to me.

  The corner of his mouth rose into an arrogant smile, and he rocked a little harder. “Yes.”

  He’d made me come before, but all those other embraces weren’t nearly as intimate as this. Now he was deep inside me, his length causing my pussy to contract with pleasure. My hands slid down his back until I reached his ass. I pulled him deeper into me, wanting more of his length at a quicker rate.

  Cane leaned farther over me and deepened the angle, the head of his cock hitting a new sensual place. He got the headboard going, and the sweat formed on his back. “I’m gonna give you so much of my come.”

  That shouldn’t arouse me, but it did. I wanted that heavy seed inside me, his seed. Every time Tristan fucked me, I felt dirty. Now I felt dirty, but in a good way. Shivers ran down my spine, and my body tightened in preparation for the upcoming explosion. I could feel it in the beginning stages, even when it was small. Slowly, it built up to a crescendo, releasing with a powerful wave that nearly took my breath away. “God…” I hated myself for enjoying this. I hated my body for betraying me. I hated Cane for bringing my body to life when I thought it was dead.

  “Fuck.” Cane moved harder into me, his breaths coming out as grunts. He watched me come with the same heat on his face, and after a few pumps, he hit his threshold too. He shoved himself hard inside me, burying himself to the hilt, and then released. “Bellissima…” He locked eyes with me as he dumped everything deep inside me, filling me like a gas tank in a car. He topped me off until my pussy could no longer contain his length as well as his seed. It seeped out of me, dripping down my ass like the rest of my arousal. He dug one hand into my hair and gave me a hard kiss on the mouth, breathing roughly into me as the ecstasy swept over him.

  When we were both finished, I felt him slowly soften inside me. I was tired and satisfied, and not the least bit disturbed by what happened between us. My feelings for him were inexplicable, but I couldn’t evaluate my mental state on my own.

  He brushed his lips against mine before he pulled his semihard dick out of me. I could feel his seed slowly seep to my entrance, warm and heavy. “There’s plenty more where that came from, sweetheart.”

  18

  Cane

  I woke up the next morning with a beautiful woman all over me. Her arm draped across my waist, and her leg was hooked around mine. Her hair was all over the place, across my chest and over my cheeks. Her tits pressed into my side, round and firm with nipples that were soft since she was still asleep.

  I looked down at her and stared at her cute nose and thick lashes. With high cheekbones and full lips, she was absolutely perfect. I loved watching her moan underneath me. I loved feeling her tight pussy clutch my cock when I made her come. I couldn’t believe I waited so long to have her.

  Never should have allowed that to happen.

  Now that I could have her whenever I wanted her, I wanted to turn her over and fuck her from behind. I wanted to see that beautiful ass and the small muscles of her back. Her brown hair would cascade down to her waist, and I would fist it and tug on it.

  But she looked so peaceful asleep, and I didn’t have the audacity to wake her up. In a few weeks, she would return to Tristan and never get another good night of rest. I didn’t care that much, but I still wanted to let her sleep.

  I slipped out of bed without waking her and went downstairs to make some coffee. I’d bought an expensive coffee maker, top-of-the-line quality, but everything tasted exactly the same as the cheap little pot I had in my apartment in Florence. Didn’t make a difference at all.

  I brewed a cup and wiped the sleep from my eyes. Flashbacks of the night before kept returning to me. Her tits were beautiful when they shook, and I’d never forget the look in her eyes just as she came. I came deep inside her pussy and released more come than I ever had in my life.

  Felt so fucking good.

  I leaned against the counter and listened to the coffeepot while my cock hardened in my sweatpants.

  Maybe I’d wake her up to fuck her, after all.

  The sound of the doorbell destroyed my fantasy and took all my attention. I walked to the front door and sighed in frustration when I saw Pearl on the other side of the door. Crow wasn’t in sight. He was probably still asleep and had no idea she’d snuck off.

  Dammit.

  “Open the door.” She banged her fist against the solid wood.

  I couldn’t avoid her forever, but I didn’t expect her to show up at my door just to smack me around.

  I opened the door and gave her a cold look. “Be careful. Crow isn’t here to save your ass if you piss me off.”

  She crossed her arms over her chest and did her best to look frightening. “Do your worst, Cane. I’ll do mine.”

  “Did you really come all the way over here to fight me? In case you’ve forgotten, I nearly killed you last time.”

  “Like I could ever forget.” She walked inside without being invited. “You know exactly what I want to talk about.” She searched the entryway and the staircase like Adelina might appear from a corner.

  I shut the door because I wasn’t going to get rid of her so easily. “Crow and I talked about this. There’s nothing we can do for her.”

  “That’s where you’re wrong.”

  “Wrong?” I asked. “Pearl, you’re a tough cookie, but you don’t know how many horrible men are out there. Bones was evil—but there are a million more just like him. We can’t take them all down.”

  “But we can’t do nothing either. Crow said you were go
nna offer to buy her.”

  I didn’t totally agree to that. “It won’t work. Trust me.”

  “How do you know?”

  Because I fucked her. If she were my slave, I wouldn’t let her go either. “I just do, alright? I know your heart is in the right place, but you need to forget about this and move on.”

  “While you boss her around all day?”

  “I don’t boss that woman around. She can do whatever she wants.”

  “Oh, really?” she challenged. “But you’ll only offer her protection as long as she fucks you? That’s twisted, and we both know it.”

  “I’m supposed to let her live here and eat my food without compensation?” I asked incredulously. “When have I ever been the charitable type? I know you’ve been through a lot, but don’t expect me to share your beliefs. I enjoy fucking this woman, and I’m going to keep doing it. When her time’s up, she goes back. End of story.”

  She shook her head, her lips pressed tightly together. “You’ll send that woman to her death and not think twice about it?”

  I’d miss having her in my bed. I’d even miss some of our conversations. But once she was gone, she wouldn’t be in my thoughts anymore. It was cold. It was heartless. But I learned to live that way a long time ago. Never hold on to someone too tight—they wouldn’t be around forever. “If I could help her, I would. So don’t make me sound like the bad guy. Tristan took her—not me. And if I didn’t take Tristan’s offer to borrow her, she’d be worse off. The way I see it, I’m her saving grace at the moment.”

  “You’re just using her. You don’t care about her.”

  “Why should I?” I snarled. “If I were homeless on the street, would anyone care about me?”

  Her eyes narrowed. “Not the same thing—”

  “It is the same thing. Life isn’t fair, Pearl. Get over it.”

  Her nostrils flared just the way Crow’s did when he lost his mind. “How dare you say that to me.”

  “I’m sorry that the world is so despicable. Believe me, I am. If I could take all the suffering you’ve experienced to spare you the pain, I would. I would endure everything because you’re family now. So don’t act like I don’t give a damn—because I do.”