Buttons and Pain Read online

  I stared at the map without really seeing it. My brother’s words echoed in my mind long after he said them. “Cane—”

  “I’m done talking about it. Do whatever the hell you want. But next time you need help saving her or kidnapping her...or whatever the hell you plan on doing with her, don’t call me. Because if you do, I won’t help you.”

  Cane wasn’t the emotional kind of guy and he didn’t give a damn about romance. This situation with Button bothered him but I couldn’t figure out why. “Tell me why this is so important to you. And don’t say it’s because you want me to be happy. There has to be more to the story.”

  “You don’t give a damn so don’t act like you do.”

  I threw the map onto the table and gave him my full focus. “I do.”

  He rolled his eyes. “I’m not having this conversation with you. It’s girly and stupid.”

  “Whether it’s stupid or not, we need to have it. Now spit it out so we can move on with our lives.” Cane and I didn’t have meaningful conversations about our feelings and what not. We just worked together and planned our movements of action. Most of the time he annoyed me, and I annoyed him. But the bond of blood between us kept us closer together than either one of us would admit. We didn’t even talk much about Vanessa after she died, but we were going to talk about this.

  He rubbed the back of his neck with the same look of irritation still in his eyes. “You can’t give me shit for it, alright?”

  That was the only thing I knew how to do. “Fine. Just tell me.”

  “Alright…” He rubbed his palms together as he tried to gather his thoughts. “When you brought Pearl here I hated her. You knew what I wanted to do with her. You saw what I actually did to her.”

  I clenched my jaw at the memory. I shot him in the arm after he hurt Button but that wasn’t enough punishment. The only reason why we were still talking was because we were family. Somehow, that bond outweighed my hatred.

  “But I’ve learned a lot about her from having her around all the time. She’s strong, powerful, and she’s got a mouth that would make a soldier feel like shit. She’s got that drive, you know? She’s completes our trio.”

  I didn’t have a clue where this was going but I didn’t ask. I waited for him to spit out his incoherent thoughts until he finally made his point.

  “If you married her she would be a Barsetti.”

  Who said anything about marriage? I’d never said that work to Cane in my life.

  “And…I would like it if she were a Barsetti.” He rubbed his palms together as he stared down at his hands. “Our family just keeps getting smaller. One day, there will be one of us left. But Peal can make it bigger. She can make our family grow.”

  When I finally understood what he was trying to say I couldn’t hide the surprise on my face. It was hardwired into my features and hadn’t faded away. Cane wasn’t just fond of Button. He wanted her to be one of us.

  “She could be my sister. And he she could give you kids. Our Barsetti family would grow. Maybe one day it’ll be complete again.” He shrugged. “I don’t know…”

  “If extending our family is important to you, why don’t you get married?”

  “Because I don’t love anyone.” He leaned back into the couch and crossed his arms over his chest. “I’ve never met a woman I could somewhat tolerate. I’m just with them for the pussy and that’s it. If I ever met someone that I couldn’t live without, you bet your ass I would marry her. But let’s be real, women like Pearl don’t grow on trees. I doubt I’ll ever find a woman like that.”

  Button was spectacular. The second I heard her speak I had to make her mine. There was something about the fire that burned in her eyes that drew me to her. I thought I wanted to hurt her myself but in the end I only wanted to protect her. Whatever hold she had over me was powerful. She had more control of our relationship than she ever truly realized. “They’re hard to come by.”

  “So why are you letting her go?”

  I already explained this to him but I guess I’d have to repeat myself. “Cane, we can’t love anyone. If we do, they’ll be killed. You know that. I know that. It’s just how it goes.”

  “To me, it seems like Pearl already has a price on her head. So what does it matter?”

  I drank my scotch to mask my silence.

  “You already love her and she loves you. What does it matter if you don’t actually say it out loud? You proved it a million times over yesterday when you went ape shit crazy on all of Bones’s men? Just accept the fact she’s in your life, and not just now, but forever. You aren’t doing anyone any favors by lying to yourself. Be a man, Crow.”

  “Be a man?”

  “Yes,” he snapped. “A real man doesn’t lie about how he feels. He tells the world he loves someone and dares his enemies to hurt the woman he adores. A brave man has holes in his armor but goes to war anyway. A fierce man isn’t afraid to love someone even though he knows there’s an ending down the road. That’s what it means to be a real man, Crow. This stupidity you’ve been doing is just pathetic. And that’s saying something coming from me.”

  ***

  Button turned over under the covers and pulled the blankets to her shoulder to fight the cold. Her eyes were still closed and her lips were relaxed with peace. Dark strands of hair stretched across the pillow and marked most of the bed as hers. She was a tiny thing, but she stretched out her legs and took up most of the bed on her own.

  Her hand stretched out and felt the sheets beside her. Her fingers dug into the fabric, searching for something to grab. When she didn’t find what she was looking for, she stretched her arm further and released a frustrated sigh.

  Watching her suffer was too much to bare, so I slid into the sheets beside her and allowed her hand to finally locate my hard chest. Once her fingertips felt the warmth of my skin she dug her fingertips slightly into the skin and claimed me as hers.

  My hand met hers and I interlocked our fingers together. Her fingertips were petite and soft, and they were nearly half the size as mine. She never did her nails like most women. Her appearance had always been simple and clean. She hardly wore make up because she didn’t need it. Her fair skin and naturally beautiful eyes was more than enough.

  I stared at her thick eyelashes and waited for them to move. Any moment now, the queen of my estate would open her eyes to a new day. Exhausted from the hell that unleashed yesterday, she slept over twelve hours to recover. I was still concerned she needed to go to the hospital but she assured me that was unnecessary.

  Finally, she opened her eyes. Brilliant and bright, her eyes sparkled like a birthstone. Magic and excitement mixed with the fog of sleepiness. Her beauty was unparalleled, and sometimes it simply didn’t look real.

  After her eyes took me in, her lips stretched into a perfect smile. Her teeth didn’t show but the grin was just as powerful. She scooted closer to me until she was molded against my side, forsaking her side of the bed and invading mine like a conqueror. She squeezed me tighter then pressed a wet kiss against my chest. Then the most beautiful sigh escaped her lips.

  Every little detail floored me, and I was so mesmerized I forgot to breathe altogether. My lungs immediately expanded with the deep breath I needed, and I stared at the woman who made me cry just a few days before. Without torturing me or threatening me, she brought me to a level of emotion I hadn’t known in my adult life. She stripped me of my armor until I was nothing but skin and bone. She made me less of a man, but at the same time, she made me the strongest version of myself I could ever be.

  She turned further into me and pressed another kiss to my chest. Her upper lips clung to my dry skin before it gently pulled apart. Her hair was tasseled and messy from the previous evening, but it made her look like a sexy goddess that lived to please me.

  She crawled up my chest until her legs hugged my hips and slowly slid her body down until her pussy caught the head of my dick. She gently pushed down until I squeezed through her entrance and stretc
hed her apart.

  She made a quiet moan then bit her lip.

  My hands immediately went to her thighs and I gripped her hard.

  She sunk until I was completely inside her, stretching so far within her that I could feel her cervix. Her tits were perky and her nipples were hard enough to cut through concrete. Her waist didn’t carry as many curves as it used to because she didn’t eat much when we were apart but she was still sexy as hell. She leaned back and ran her fingers through her hair before she started to grind against me, a mischievous look in her eyes.

  Fuck.

  She bit her lip and moaned as she took my cock over and over, touching herself and looking like every guy’s fantasy. Her hands groped her tips before they touched her hair again, she enjoyed herself thoroughly while pleasing me at the same time.

  This was better than any dream.

  She grinded her hips against me, digging her clitoris into my pelvic bone. Almost instantly, she came all over me, drenching me with her lubrication and sending me to heaven. Her pussy tightened hard around my dick, squeezing me so she could get every drop that was waiting to explode out of my shaft.

  “Button.” I hooked my arms under her thighs and guided her hard down my length. Anytime I saw her mouth form that delectable O shape and she nearly screamed because her orgasm was so great, I wanted to follow right behind her and release all the desire built up in my balls.

  She leaned forward and gripped my shoulders with her long nails. With confidence in her eyes, she looked straight into my soul as her hips kept rolling and grinding down my length. Her cheeks were flushed from the satisfaction between her legs and her nipples were still hard from arousal. The dragged down my chest with every rock she made.

  “So fucking perfect.” I squeezed her thighs as I moved into her, my eyes still locked to those beautiful green orbs. So many women had graced his bed and agreed to the dark desires I inflicted on them. There were nights when I lived in pure fantasy with women that were more beautiful than the night itself. But this woman destroyed their memory. With her beautiful, strength, and resilience, she chased away the ghost of every woman who ever walked in this mansion. She exerted her dominance in subtle ways, conquering everything—including me. She was the opposite side of my coin, the blood to my heart.

  “Give it all to me.” She slammed harder into me, taking my cock in that tight little pussy. Her nails dug into my shoulders and her breathing deepened as my dick thickened inside her. “I want it, Crow.”

  I groaned from deep in the back of my throat because her words set me on fire. Every time she begged for my cum my body couldn’t be contained. My shaft lit on fire with delectable pleasure as it swept through my entire body. I throbbed deep inside her as I released, giving her mounds of my essence. I groaned again because the pleasure was unstoppable. My fingertips dug into her hips as the wave washed over me, the aftershock still setting my nerves on fire.

  She slowly pulled out of me then placed her fingers at her entrance. She played with herself until my cum dripped onto her fingertips. Like a courtesan, she brought her fingertips to her mouth and sucked it off.

  “Fuck, Button.”

  ***

  She stood under the shower and washed her hair and the dirt that caked her skin. Distant bruises marked her arms and ribs where she’d been manhandled like a dog. The cut above her brow had stopped bleeding but it still looked painful.

  I pressed my chest against her back and wrapped my arms around her waist. “Are you sure you’re alright? I can always have a doctor come to the estate.” I pulled her hair over one shoulder and kissed her temple.

  “Crow, I’m fine.” She turned around and dipped her head back so she could rinse the soap out of her hair. “I’ve been through worse. We both know that.”

  She was referring to the time my loving brother nearly beat her to death. “There’s no shame in admitting you need help. A doctor can give you something stronger than Tylenol.”

  “Stop treating me like a doll. I may bend but I don’t break.” She stepped out from underneath the water and squeezed her hair dry. The drops fell to the drain while her damp hair hung over her shoulder.

  My concern would never disappear. Even if she had a papercut it would get under my skin. She deserved a life free of any blemish. The only thing she could be concerned about is what dress she was going to wear for the afternoon and where we would have dinner. She shouldn’t look at her countless scars and treat them like freckles.

  She stepped out of the shower and dried off before she blow dried her hair at the bathroom sink. With a towel wrapped around her chest, she ran her fingers through her hair as the warm hair blew across her tresses. She concentrated on her movements in the mirror without truly looking at herself.

  Instead of washing my hair and soaping down my body I watched her. My eyes never left her frame the moment she was back within reach. My level of protectiveness reached an alarming height and I could barely stop myself from hiding her away in some foreign country where no one would ever find us.

  After she finished getting ready she left the bathroom and I had nothing to stare at. I got out of the shower and shaved before I got dressed for the day. Button found one of her dresses in my closet, and she looked just as beautiful as she used to when wearing it.

  “What do you want to do today?” I came behind her and pressed a kiss to her shoulder.

  “Don’t you have to work?”

  I kissed her again because my lips were starving. She just rode my cock like a cowgirl but I wanted more. All I wanted was her—all the time. “No.” Work could wait. I’d already neglected my duties this long. A few more days wouldn’t make a difference.

  “You don’t have to stay just because of me.” She rested the back of her head against my chest and looked up at me. “Lars will play with me.”

  I kissed her on the forehead, feeling just as much satisfaction as I did when I kissed her shoulder. The heat flushed my skin like coals in a fire. “I want to play with you.”

  “Yeah?” She pressed against me, her ass directly into my cock.

  I kissed her again in response.

  “Can we take a walk? I want to see the vineyards.”

  “Whatever you want.” I took her hand and we walked out to the path around the grape wines. The harvest had just come but the vineyards would bloom with grapes again in no time. The smell was just the same, full of greenery and Tuscan sun. Hand-in-hand, we walked along the rows.

  Button’s eyes were enamored with the view around her. Not once did she look at me because she was infatuated with her bountiful surroundings. Wearing that dress with her long brown strands hanging down her back made her look like a native born Tuscan. “I never thought I’d seen this place again…only in my dreams.”

  “Did you dream about it often?”

  Her eyes moved to the hillside beyond where a shadow formed on the grass. A single cloud was in the blue sky and formed the only shadow across the land. Her attention was focused for nearly a minute before she returned to the conversation. “Every night.”

  “Did you dream about me?” I knew her answer without needing to ask. But I wanted to hear it anyway. I wanted to hear that she adored me, that living without me was too difficult to bear. I broke down on her doorstep and I wanted her to break down for me.

  Her answer was the same as the last one. She stopped walking and turned to me, her green eyes matching the vines on either side of us. “Every night.”

  Chapter Seventeen

  Pearl

  The Barsetti estate was a beautiful mansion that possessed the kind of Italian elegance people couldn’t even begin to conceive of. Every inch of the estate was purposely decorated in just the right tone to make it come alive. Full of history, power, and beauty, it was one of them most spectacular sights I’d ever seen.

  The view from any window was more breathtaking than anything I’d ever seen. The vineyards stretched as far as the eye could see, and the low hills crept toward the sky and ma
de a private valley just for the viewer to enjoy. The air was clean here, scented of sweet grapes and trees.

  I didn’t just love it because it was a fairytale.

  I loved it because it was home.

  It was the first place where I felt like I belonged. Crow was the man I fantasized about marrying and spending the rest of my life with. I never thought I could trust a man after what happened to me, but it was clear I trusted Crow with my life. No matter what happened, he would be there for me.

  He would protect me.

  The fact there was someone just as jaded as I was made everything a little easier. I didn’t feel so broken when he was broken too. He understood me without asking questions, and he understood how I felt at any given point in the day without me having to tell him.

  It was a privilege to return to this beautiful place, even if it were temporary. We hadn’t discussed what we were going to do, but I knew I would be there for a while. It wasn’t safe for me to return to America when Bones could just extract me all again. It seemed like the only place where I was safe was wherever Crow was.

  And that would be perfectly fine if he felt the same way I did.

  He walked out my door without looking back. He said his final farewell and was prepared to leave me in the past. If he didn’t love me then he would never love me now. And he would never love me as long as we lived.

  So I couldn’t stay here forever.

  One day I’d have to leave. Until then, I’d keep my heart locked up as tightly as possible. Nothing could reverse the feelings already burning in my heart. The love didn’t just exist inside my chest but everywhere else. I couldn’t erase it or pretend it wasn’t there. But I could at least stop it from growing.

  Crow sat across from me at the table with his morning paper beside him. Eggs, bacon, and toast were placed in front of us along with a side of buttermilk pancakes. The food here was so much better than the stuff I was used. Everything was fresh and lacked preservatives. The eggs were picked up from the market that morning, and the sugar was pure. It was so delicious that I wasn’t sure I could ever go back to America for that reason alone.