Lover Read online

  “I will tell you. I’m just not ready.”

  Whenever we were home, the only space I got was in the bathroom. If I visited the rest of the house, I would run into my mother. She was nosier than he was, so she wouldn’t get off my case.

  I stood in the shower under the warm water. My hair stuck to the back of my neck, and my hand grazed over my slightly extended stomach. Now I could really feel the person inside me. It wasn’t that obvious, but I was so thin that any weight gain was noticeable. But this wasn’t general weight gain. It was all concentrated in one spot. If someone saw me in just my underwear, they would assume I was in the early stages of pregnancy.

  I closed my eyes and tried to relax. I could just pretend the baby belonged to Hades, and that would help me be happy. I could keep lying until I believed it. But if the baby came out with blue eyes and similar features to Maddox, I would have to lie every moment of every day to convince myself otherwise.

  I was deep in thought when I noticed the slight click of the door behind me. My eyes snapped open, and my body turned rigid when I realized I wasn’t alone. I wasn’t afraid to be naked with my husband because he would never pressure me into something I wasn’t ready for. But now that I was buck naked, my belly would be impossible to hide. I could keep my back to him, but that wouldn’t work for long.

  My heart started to race when I realized this was the moment. Hades would know the truth, and it would change everything…for better or worse.

  Probably for worse.

  He came up behind me and placed his hands on my hips. A moment later, his chest pressed into my back, and he rested his chin on my head.

  I was so still.

  His deep voice was audible over the shower. “Can I join you?”

  I could feel his arousal against my back, feel the way his fingers dug into my skin. I could tell he wanted me, that he was growing tired of waiting. He gave me subtle openings to see if I was ready to change my mind, but if I didn’t take it, he let it go. “Yes.”

  His arms wrapped around my chest and over my arms, and he held me close, his arms a protective cage that kept all the bad thoughts out. We hadn’t spoken much since he’d confronted me in my office a few days ago, and now he seemed apologetic about his behavior.

  He bent his neck down and kissed me on the shoulder. Then his hands started to guide me in a circle, to turn me around so he could see my face.

  I couldn’t control my breathing. It went haywire, deep and fast. My heart was beating at a frenzied rate. If I weren’t covered in water, I’d be sweating. When I made the full rotation, I looked him in the eye with fear written all over my face.

  His eyes moved to mine, and he watched me for several seconds, taking in my features and reading them like words on a page. His hands went to my hips, and he probably thought my unease was because of this level of intimacy. “It’s okay. It’s me.”

  There was no going back, so I grabbed both of his hands and placed them over my stomach.

  Instantly, he noticed the expanded curves of my body. His fingers lightly pressed into me in reaction. His chin dropped, and his eyes moved to my swollen belly. He didn’t blink. He didn’t move. He needed at least five seconds to process what I had just revealed to him. His reaction was blank, and now he was impossible to read.

  He gently pulled his hands apart so he could see my full stomach. When he truly understood what he was looking at, he lifted his gaze and looked me in the eye. It took a moment for his surprise to fade away, for him to understand exactly what this meant. He’d walked into the bathroom thinking he could bring us closer together. Discovering I was pregnant was the very last thing he’d anticipated.

  I waited for the questions, waited for the fear and anger.

  Instead, his eyes softened like wilted flowers. He became so tender, his face taking on a boyish charm. His shoulders relaxed, and a gentle smile spread onto his lips. When his hand understood what his brain had absorbed, he gently rubbed it over my stomach, trying to connect to the life inside me.

  It wasn’t the reaction I’d expected. Instead of being relieved by it, I assumed he didn’t understand the situation, that there was a possibility it wasn’t his. That thought didn’t seem to go through his head, so I needed to bring him back to reality. “I’m almost four months along.”

  His arm wrapped around my waist, and he pulled me closer as his other hand spanned my stomach.

  I couldn’t bring myself to say it, to admit that this might not be a happy moment between a husband and wife. “I’m not sure…”

  He gave me a strong stare. “It’s mine.”

  I wanted that to be true more than anything else. “But…”

  “It’s mine.”

  “We could always check.”

  He shook his head. “It doesn’t matter what that says. I’ll love this baby the same regardless.”

  I couldn’t keep the surprise off my face. “Why?” He didn’t seem like the kind of man that would want to do something like this, take on the burden of raising a child that may not even be his. He could be cold and ruthless, so it seemed like aborting it would be his initial response.

  “Because half of it is you.”

  My heart started to slow once again, and my entire body relaxed. It was the first time I’d found peace in months, finally let the stress leave my shoulders.

  “We can do the test, and if it says what we don’t want to hear, I’ll stand by whatever decision you make. But if this is something you wanna do, I’m here. I want whatever you want.” He slid his hand into my hair and pulled our faces together. “But I know he’s mine. I know that’s my son. And I know I’m gonna love him so much it kills me.”

  I felt a small explosion inside my chest, adoration for this man. I never expected him to react this way, to be so supportive and loyal. Most men wouldn’t feel this way, be my rock through all this heartache. My heart throbbed in a whole new way, and I suddenly felt lighter than air. I was the luckiest woman in the world to have him, and I owed my mother my gratitude for making me marry him in the first place. I never would’ve found joy with anyone else, wouldn’t have the foundation and trust with anyone else. “Why do you assume it’s a boy?”

  He rested his forehead against mine. “I just know.”

  “And why do you assume it’s yours?”

  He closed his eyes as he held me. “Because I know.”

  19

  Hades

  I sat at a table in the middle of the bar, Ash and Damien with me. The bartender had left a bottle of scotch so we could drink as much as we wanted. The place was closed to the public, so it was just the three of us.

  Ash spoke to Damien. “If we get rid of the dealers on the east side, all we have to worry about is the west and the ports. Maddox must understand what’s going on by now. He could retaliate at any moment.” He switched his gaze to me and opened his mouth like he was going to continue his line of thinking. But he shut his mouth again and narrowed his eyes. “What the fuck are you smiling about?”

  I dragged my hand across my jawline, not even noticing.

  Damien stared at me, his expression stoic. He didn’t talk to me directly, only participated in the debate and left our personal relationship out of the mix.

  Ash spoke again. “You really shouldn’t mix alcohol with meth.”

  I set down my glass and told him the truth. “Sofia is pregnant.”

  Ash was in shock. “What? Are you serious? Since when?”

  Damien didn’t ask any questions. He didn’t seem the least bit surprised. Instead of offering his congratulations, he grabbed his glass and took a drink.

  “She’s almost four months along. Now I understand why she’s been so weird. Every time I made progress with her, we’d somehow go backward.” She’d been keeping the secret from me for a long time. She probably was terrified of my reaction, terrified she was carrying the baby of the asshole who’d tortured her.

  Ash did the math in his head. “Wait…doesn’t that mean?”


  I wouldn’t entertain the idea. “It’s mine.”

  “You got tested?” my brother asked.

  “No.” I shook my head. “I don’t need to.”

  Ash looked at Damien as if he were hoping he would chime in. When Damien was quiet, Ash turned back to me. “I know it’s not my place, but you should find out for sure. It could change everything.”

  I couldn’t explain to him my sense of faith, the almost godlike experience I’d had with the gypsy in the bazaar. She’d read my future and told me I would have two sons, so I knew that baby was mine. “I don’t need a test.”

  “Not to piss you off, but what if you’re wrong?” Ash grew more involved in the conversation because he was looking out for my best interests. “Do you really wanna raise a kid whose father did that to your wife? Does either one of you really want to do that?”

  I didn’t want to think about the possibility, but I knew how Sofia felt about it without even asking her. If abortion were an option, she would’ve confronted me sooner, asked for a test, and then aborted it if it was Maddox’s. The fact that she didn’t do that told me she wanted this baby no matter what. That was fine with me. It was half her, so of course I would love it. “Even if it’s not mine, I’ll still love it like it is. But that doesn’t matter because I know it’s mine.”

  “How can you be so sure?” Ash continued to press the topic.

  “The gypsy told me I would have two sons with Sofia,” I said. “And the timing makes it possible.”

  Damien was still quiet from his seat at the table.

  Ash stared at me like it was just the two of us. “You can’t trust gypsies. She said you would have two sons with Sofia. She never said Sofia wouldn’t have children with somebody else. This is your fortune, not hers.”

  The thought made my fingertips cold, but it didn’t change my faith. Sofia was my soul mate, so I knew we would work it out in spite of everything. If she were someone else, my reaction would be very different. If I were married to someone else, I probably would ask for an abortion if it wasn’t mine. But with Sofia, it was totally different. “I accept whatever happens. If she wants to keep this baby, then I will be the father. Period.”

  Damien held his glass as he stared down at the contents. He’d mentally removed himself from the conversation. He used to be the guy in whom I confided all my secrets, but now my brother had taken his place.

  “And not to be insensitive…” Ash wasn’t going to let this go. “She should get tested, make sure everything is okay, you know?”

  I nodded. “She already did that.”

  “And Maddox is a psychopath. His kid would probably be demon spawn.” He leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms over his chest. “I couldn’t do it.”

  “You could if you were in love.” We were gathered there to discuss our plans for Maddox, but the conversation had turned into gossip hour. When I’d realized Sofia was pregnant, I knew I was happy. I didn’t think about anyone else besides the two of us. It was a moment between lovers, a beautiful moment that changed our lives forever. In my heart, I believed she was having my first son and we were beginning a long life together. I’d given up on the idea of her loving me, and now I realized I didn’t need it. She would love our son as much as I did, and since her son would be half of me, she would love me…in an indirect way.

  That was good enough for me.

  When I got home, it was late.

  I shed my heavy coat and then stripped off everything else. My watch was slipped off my wrist and returned to my collection in the drawer. When I approached the bed, I realized she was awake.

  In one of my white t-shirts with the sheets pulled to her shoulders, she looked so comfortable, but also wide awake.

  I volunteered my whereabouts. “I was with Damien and Ash.” I got into bed and lay beside her.

  “I assumed.”

  I was glad she hadn’t assumed I was doing something else. I came close to her and slid my hand underneath her shirt. My large hand covered her entire stomach, and I felt the little bulge that was full of life. When I saw her in the shower, it was the first time I’d seen her naked in months. It was a beautiful sight, but instead of focusing on her tits and curves, my eyes were focused on the way her stomach was slightly swollen. In that moment, that was all I cared about.

  And she’d never looked sexier.

  I wanted her more than I ever had before. Knowing she was pregnant with my son was such a carnal turn-on. My arousal was biological, evolutionary. It must be something all men felt when their woman was growing a child. The differences in her body were subtle, probably unnoticeable if you saw her every single day. But since I hadn’t seen her beautiful skin in so long, I noticed the changes immediately. Her tits were a little bigger, her hips a little wider. There was more mass around her thighs and ass. Her body was changing in preparation for motherhood. And it was so damn hot.

  She didn’t flinch at my touch or seem uncomfortable with my desire. I couldn’t pretend I wasn’t deeply attracted to her. My dick had a mind of its own, and I couldn’t quiet it if I tried, couldn’t stop looking at her like I wanted her. She couldn’t hold that against me.

  “You are so beautiful.” I pulled up her shirt slightly and pressed a kiss to her stomach. I wanted to kiss her everywhere, appreciate her body with my tongue, but I would keep my hormones in check until she verbally told me she was ready.

  But if she made me wait any longer, I might explode.

  Her fingers moved into my hair. “You think so?”

  I angled my face back to hers. “Yes.” I lay beside her, my head on the same pillow, and I rubbed my palm over her stomach. “I’ve never wanted you more.” I didn’t mean to make her uncomfortable, but that was the honest truth. I was a man deeply in love with my wife, and I wanted to make love to her all night until the sun rose the next morning.

  Her eyes softened as she looked at me. “I was so scared to tell you.”

  “Never be scared to tell me anything.”

  Her eyes tilted down to my chest, and her fingers lightly stroked the muscles. “I thought you were going to leave.”

  She really had no idea I was in love with her. I’d sacrificed my body for her freedom. She thought I would do that for just anyone? She cared more about seeing the bad things in relationships; she was oblivious to the good. She waited for me to sneak off with another woman. So that was what she looked for. But since she never expected me to love her, she couldn’t see it. “I’ll never leave you, baby. We’ll spend our lives together, die together, and then be buried together.”

  Her eyes softened again. “I don’t know what I did to deserve you.”

  I had no idea why the universe thought I was worthy of her.

  “Are you sure you don’t want to find out if you’re the father?” Her voice came out as a whisper. “I understand if you want to know.”

  “It really doesn’t matter to me. It’s up to you. But if we’re gonna keep this baby regardless, then I don’t see why it matters. If it weren’t mine, would you want to abort it?”

  She placed her hand over mine. “If that really happened…I don’t think I could do it. I hate that man all the way down to my soul, but now that I can feel the life inside me, I just couldn’t do it.”

  “Then we don’t need to do a test. This is our baby. End of story.”

  It was the first time she’d smiled at me in months. Her hand squeezed the two of mine, and she released a deep sigh. “I was so scared. I was scared to lose you. I was scared to do this alone. It made me realize how much I need you. You are such a big part of my life now. You’re my best friend, you’re my husband, you’re everything. When we got married, I didn’t know how things were going to be, but I certainly didn’t expect this. I didn’t expect us to be so close. I didn’t expect us to trust each other like this. And I didn’t expect you to be such a good man to me.” She couldn’t meet my gaze, as if it was too hard. “After everything that happened, you were still there for me. I’m sorry I wa
s difficult in the beginning of our marriage. I’m sorry I hurt you in the past. I’m so glad I married you, and I couldn’t picture my life with anyone else.”

  I watched her stare down at our hands, and I was relieved I didn’t have to hide my expression. Her words touched me down to my bones. She’d never said anything like that to me before, and it was such a relief to hear the emotion in her voice. I wasn’t on the verge of tears, but I knew I was staring at her like she was the love of my life.

  Because she was.

  My hand cupped her cheek and slid into her hair as I moved toward her. I tugged her closer to me, making our bodies become one. Then my lips found hers, and I kissed her gently, slowly, with restrained passion. I couldn’t make love to my wife with my body, but I could make love to her with her mouth, with my lips. I wanted to tell her that I loved her, just put the truth out there and deal with the consequences later. Even if she got angry, I didn’t care. Even if she would never love me back. I still wouldn’t regret saying it. I was a man who loved a woman.

  And I wanted her to know that.

  I felt like a new man.

  There had been a stark separation between us for so long, and now that the barrier was removed, we felt like partners again, like husband and wife again. Now that her fears had been erased, she knew I was here for the long haul. She trusted me more now than she ever had before, and it even seemed like she felt something for me. Maybe she wasn’t in love with me, but it seemed like she loved me.

  Now she didn’t hide in the bathroom to change. She was comfortable enough to step into the bedroom after her shower and look through her clothes until she found something she wanted to wear. Most of the time, she was completely naked, and after she slipped on her panties, she was a wet dream.

  It was impossible not to stare.

  The little bulge of her stomach was hardly noticeable. Until she put my hands on her tummy, I probably wouldn’t have figured out the truth. But now that I knew there was life growing inside her, it was impossible not to notice.