Buttons and Blame Read online

  “Well, not that part. Constantine prefers to do it…”

  She looked out the window with her fingertips resting against her mouth. She turned even whiter, as if she might faint.

  “Cane told me they’ve taken over, and they aren’t happy about sharing business with us.”

  “What does that mean?” she whispered.

  Unlike most wives, she didn’t want to live in peaceful bliss. “Constantine may want us to step down from the arms dealership.”

  “And what if he does?”

  “Then we’ll be forced to.”

  “We won’t fight?” she asked.

  “No. Not worth it.”

  “Cane agrees?”

  I thought about my answer before I gave it. “He’s undecided.”

  “Undecided?” she asked. “That doesn’t sound like him. He has a strong opinion about everything.”

  I kept my eyes on the road and spotted our home in the distance.

  Pearl turned to me when I didn’t say anything else. “He wants to fight, doesn’t he?”

  “Doesn’t matter what he wants. I told him I’ll withdraw if that’s the case.”

  “You’ll withdraw? As in, you won’t help him?”

  “As in, I’d no longer be involved in the business and would have nothing to do with it.”

  “Why wouldn’t you help him? This is your business, Crow.”

  I took my eyes off the road and looked at her. “You know exactly why, Button. We already went through hell with Bones. I’m not doing that again. I’m not risking you again.”

  “But that business is your life.”

  “It’s just money. You’re my life.” My hand moved to her thigh. “I can make wine all day and come home to you. That’s enough for me.”

  She smiled before she placed her hand on mine, her warm fingers surrounding me. “That’s sweet, Crow. But I don’t think you can do that to your brother. You have to stand by him—no matter what. You either both walk away together, or you fight together.”

  “No.”

  “Even if you walk away from the business, that doesn’t mean the Skull Kings won’t target us. We both mean a lot to Cane. They could use us both to get what they want. We have to be in this together—all three of us.”

  I couldn’t sleep.

  I had a nightmare—and this time, it wasn’t about Bones.

  It was Constantine and the Skull Kings—people I couldn’t put a face to. But in my imagination, they were terrifying. They took away everything that meant anything to me. They took my brother—and then they took my wife. I saw her pinned to the bed while they each took a turn—and forced me to watch.

  I woke up in a feverish sweat and went into my office. It was a cold night, so I started a fire and grabbed my decanter of scotch. Even though I wasn’t cold, I sat on the couch in front of the fire and watched the flames dance. They gave me enough distraction to clear my head, to stop me from thinking about the horrible things my nightmares just made me witness.

  I used my scotch like a crutch and leaned on it for support. It’d been my friend through all the hard times. Our relationship started when I was sixteen. I wasn’t even a man yet before I started relying on liquor to get me through life.

  I was an alcoholic. I admitted it. No one gave me shit about it because I could control my temper, unlike most people. I hid the usual symptoms so I could drink all I wanted—until my wife cut me off.

  I sat there for an hour, my lidded eyes glued to the flames as they slowly burned away to embers.

  The door cracked, and Button popped her head inside, wearing one of my cotton t-shirts. It was five times too big and reached her knees. She stepped inside and stared at me, her dark hair a messy array from the way I’d fisted it before bed. Now that my wife had almost been taken away from me—again—I treasured her even more. I made love to her as much as I could. We never knew how long we had on this earth, and I had to make every minute count.

  Button grabbed the glass from my hand and took a drink. She downed half of it in a single gulp, obviously to make a point since she made her distaste for my favorite beverage known. She set the empty glass down then sat beside me. There was a blanket over the back of the couch, so she pulled it over her thighs to stay warm.

  I didn’t want her to be cold, so I tossed another log on the fire, rustling the embers and getting the flames going again. I wiped my palms on my sweatpants and returned to my seat, feeling my wife stare at me.

  “Can’t sleep?” she whispered.

  “Guess not.”

  “Crow,” she pressed.

  “I had a nightmare…couldn’t fall back asleep.”

  “You want to talk about it?”

  “Not even slightly.” I refilled my glass and took another drink.

  “How many of those have you had?”

  “Too many.”

  She didn’t press the argument, knowing I was in a foul mood. “I can’t sleep when you aren’t beside me.”

  “What did you do when we didn’t sleep together for days?”

  “I was sleep deprived,” she said simply. “Only got a few hours on and off. Then I would take a nap in the middle of the day.”

  I didn’t sleep any better, but at least I wasn’t having nightmares like this.

  “Since I’m not sleeping, I thought you might like the company.”

  I always loved it when she was with me. I didn’t do a very good job showing it because I acted like an asshole most of the time, but I did appreciate her company. She was one of the few people who had suffered as much as I had, who had lost people the way I had.

  She turned her face toward me and watched me, her eyes studying me like they had a brain of their own. Her emotions were obvious on the surface. Even when she didn’t say anything, I could tell what she was thinking.

  She could tell what I was thinking too.

  “Are you scared?” she asked.

  “I’m never scared, Button.”

  “Everyone is scared sometimes.”

  “I don’t care for my sake. I made my peace with death a long time ago. He’ll come for me, and I won’t fight it. The only thing I do care about is you. Losing you is what scares me. You’re the greatest thing that’s happened to me—but also the worst. I have something I value more than anything I own. You’re priceless, irreplaceable. That’s the kind of shit that scares me. The world knows I love you. My enemies know you’re my world. They could strip me of everything I have and not leave a mark. But if they placed a hand on you…it would kill me.” I stared at the flames, unable to look at her. “So Cane is going to back down, even if I have to make him. You and I deserve a quiet life together. One where we aren’t scared to be free.”

  “What if backing down makes him want to hurt you even more?” she asked. “He sees you as weak, so he takes everything you have?”

  “Walking away from a business that’s already been profitable for years isn’t weak. That’s retirement.”

  “So you think it’s the best decision?”

  “It’s our only decision.”

  Button scooted closer to me on the couch and rested her chin on my shoulder. Her arm hooked around my waist, and she snuggled close to my side. Her even breathing was a great consolation, a melodic rhythm that chased away my fears. “No one can keep us apart, Crow. Bones tried to take me away, and he failed. These men won’t succeed either.”

  8

  Adelina

  I only had a few days left.

  In a few days, all of this beauty would be gone. I wouldn’t have a strong man to keep me warm in the middle of the night. All of my rights would be stripped away from me. I would be naked, cold, hungry, and afraid. My ankle would be cuffed at all times so I couldn’t run away when Tristan walked inside.

  I’d have to stare at Tristan’s ugly face again.

  A face I’d tried so hard to forget.

  I knew I would have to go back since the beginning of my stay. My departure wasn’t a surprise. It certainly didn
’t sneak up on me. Time went by fast, but I didn’t struggle to judge the passing.

  I just didn’t think it would be this difficult.

  I wanted to stay here forever.

  Cane wasn’t the perfect guy, but he showed me the light when I was in a pit of darkness. He showed kindness when he easily could have been cruel. That was the true definition of someone’s character—when they could be evil but chose not to. Cane had blood on his hands and he was a criminal, but to me, he was innately good.

  I would miss him as much as my own family.

  It was hard to sleep that night. All I could think about was the time I had left. The second I was back in Tristan’s captivity, I’d be punched in the face. That was probably how he would greet me. He wouldn’t see a single mark on my body, and he would see the weight I’d gained. He would see how well I was treated and work twice as hard to make me feel worse.

  I knew him so well.

  My heart was beating so fast in my chest. It wouldn’t slow down. Sweat covered my palms and my neck. The anxiety took over, and I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I was panicking in terror.

  Panicking over the short time I had left.

  I sat up in bed and kicked the sheets away. Cane was dead asleep beside me, naked and muscular. Even in sleep, he was hard as a rock. I dangled my feet over the edge and let the air evaporate the sweat off the back of my neck. All I could do was concentrate on my breathing, so that’s what I did.

  I did my best to calm myself.

  Cane must have heard me because he sat up a moment later. “Bellissima?”

  It was my favorite nickname, my favorite way to be addressed. That was what I would miss the most. It was so tender and gentle, a complete contrast to the harsh way I was treated in Tristan’s captivity.

  “What is it?” He scooted across the bed until he was directly behind me. His lips moved to the back of my shoulder, and he gave me light kisses everywhere, cherishing me.

  “I just…had a bad dream.”

  “Want to talk about it?”

  I pulled my knees to my chest and circled them with my arms. “No.”

  He opened his legs on either side of me and sat directly behind me, his arms locking around my waist. “I’m here to listen if you change your mind.”

  I continued to breathe erratically, my heart racing a million miles an hour. I was still warm and sweaty. I did my best to hide my anxiety, but there was no way he couldn’t feel it as he held me against him.

  “Bellissima?”

  “Hmm?”

  “Talk to me. You’ll feel better.”

  “I just… I’m scared.”

  He rested his face against the back of my neck.

  “I don’t want to go. After being here for a month, it makes me understand just how terrible it really is. You’ve been so good to me, have become such a friend to me. I’ll miss you…”

  He took a deep breath. “I’ll miss you too.”

  “I only have a few days left… Time went by so quickly.”

  “It did.”

  “I’m trying to stay calm, but I can’t. I feel like I can’t breathe.”

  “You know what I do when I’m scared?”

  “I thought you said you’re never scared?”

  “Well, I lied,” he whispered. “I just think about something else, something that makes me happy or makes me laugh. When I think about it long enough, I stop thinking about the thing that makes me upset.”

  “When was the last time you did this?”

  “When I nearly killed Pearl… Crow wouldn’t speak to me. I thought I’d lost my brother forever. The idea of not having him in my life anymore hurt so much. It would make me panic. It would make me lose sleep. So I just tried to think about something else, something positive. It usually got me through the night.”

  I nodded.

  “You like working at the winery, right?”

  “Yeah…”

  “What do you like about working there?”

  “The view,” I said. “It’s so beautiful all the time. The grape leaves smell so good. I love the wine, I love the people. It’s a great atmosphere. And the cheese… I could eat the cheese all day.”

  “What else?”

  I told him about this old couple that had come to Italy now that they were retired. They put their kids through college and decided to spend something on themselves for once. They did the wine tasting and bought five bottles before they left.

  “That sounds nice.”

  “Yeah…”

  He pulled me against his chest and turned my face toward him. He rubbed his nose against mine before he gave me a gentle kiss on the lips.

  Just like that, my troubles melted away like soft butter. I didn’t think about my doom, my hour of death. I didn’t think about how the final minutes of my life would be. I didn’t think about the way Tristan would hurt me.

  I just thought about Cane.

  We’d finished an afternoon wine tasting, and now Pearl and I were cleaning up. We didn’t speak to each other much because we were busy attending to the tables inside the warehouse. Most of the customers asked us what it was like to live in such a beautiful place. Pearl had better responses than I did. I’d only been there for about a month and had done limited sight-seeing.

  But I was grateful I got to do any sight-seeing at all—thanks to Cane.

  Pearl corked the leftover wine and put the bottles in the fridge.

  I wondered what her life would be like after I was gone. Would she keep working here? Would she have a family to raise? “Pearl?”

  “Yeah, honey?” She scooped up the leftover wineglasses on the counter and set them in the sink.

  I approached the bar and leaned the broom against the counter. “Are you and Crow going to have kids anytime soon?”

  “Soon?” she asked. “No. Definitely not soon.”

  “But you guys are going to have them someday?”

  She rinsed the glasses with soap and water, her eyes on her hands. “I would like to. Crow is open to the idea but not in love with it.”

  “He’s not a family kind of guy?” I’d always wanted a family of my own. I wanted to have three children. I didn’t care if they were girls or boys, as long as they were healthy. I wanted to have a house near the ocean so I could take my kids to the beach every day.

  “He doesn’t think he is. But he definitely is.” She set the glasses on the counter beside her and dried them with the towel. “He and Cane are so close, and he’s never gotten over losing Vanessa.”

  “Who’s Vanessa?”

  “Their sister.” She eyed me as she gently cleaned the glass. “You don’t know about Vanessa?”

  “I think Cane mentioned her once…”

  “Well…the man that took me captive…he’s the one who killed her. He kept her as a prisoner, and before Cane and Crow could rescue her, he shot her. Both of them have never really gotten over it.”

  My heart broke for the woman I never knew, for the woman who shared the same fate I was about to accept. Cane possessed a particular darkness that had nothing to do with his criminal preferences.

  He was heartbroken.

  “I’m surprised he never told you that,” she whispered.

  Since I was in the same position, he probably didn’t want to scare me, to remind of the fate I was about to experience. “He and I don’t do a lot of talking…” It was mostly kissing and touching, among other things.

  She dried the last glass before she put it off to the side. “Adelina, can I ask you something?”

  She was my only friend in the world. She could ask me anything. “Of course.”

  “Are you in love with him?” She looked me square in the eye, watching even the slightest reaction I made.

  The question took me by surprise. I thought she would ask me about going back to Tristan, about how I felt about it. I didn’t think Cane was on her mind. I was fond of Cane and really cared about him, but the thought of love never crossed my mind. “Uh…I don’t thi
nk so. I mean, I love being with him. He’s a sweet man. He only pretends to be rough and cruel, but he’s soft on the inside. When I’m with him, I’m happy. But falling in love in my position just isn’t possible.”

  “Why?”

  “Because our relationship is so short. In two days, I’m going back to Tristan.”

  Pearl kept staring at me, like she expected me to say something else.

  “Why are you asking me this?”

  She shrugged. “Sometimes I wonder if he’s in love with you.”

  Cane had been nothing but good to me since I arrived here, but I didn’t think he was capable of feeling anything more extensive. He said he was going to return me to Tristan. If he really loved me, he wouldn’t do that. “He’s not.”

  “What makes you so sure?”

  “I just am. We have a connection now, a bond. I know he’ll miss me when I’m gone. I’ll miss him too. But love isn’t something that’s possible. I don’t think I could ever fall in love with a man under these conditions. It’s not how I pictured romance.”

  “I didn’t picture meeting my husband the way I did, but I wouldn’t change anything.”

  “I didn’t mean anything offensive by that…”

  “I know,” she said quietly. “I’ve just never seen Cane act this way with anyone.”

  “Well, he does pity me…”

  “And he doesn’t pity anyone.”

  “He has more of a heart than he lets on. He’s been nothing but good to me since I arrived. He’s never made me do anything I didn’t want to do. He’s given me as much freedom as he could within four walls. He’s kind to me…makes me happy. He’s been a real blessing. He’s helped me believe that there are good people…that there’s hope for everyone.”

  Her eyes fell in sadness. “I’m so sorry, Adelina…”

  “I know you are, Pearl. But don’t feel bad. There’s nothing you guys can do. I understand that, so please don’t feel guilty.”

  “I don’t feel guilty,” she said. “I just feel heartbroken. This shouldn’t happen to you, to me, to anyone. Men shouldn’t be allowed to look at us as property, as things that can just be taken. They shouldn’t have this kind of power, to own us just because we were in the wrong place at the wrong time. I hate it so much, Adelina…you don’t even know.”