Fantasy in Lingerie: Lingerie #6 Page 9

  “And you’re also free.”

  “Free?”

  “You aren’t my prisoner anymore. You can do whatever you want. I don’t own you anymore.”

  My life would be mine again.

  “And then we’re even,” he said. “You have my word I’ll never go back on it.”

  This man made me feel equally safe and equally scared, but now there was no reason to be afraid.

  “You will always have my protection. If you need anything, I’ll be there for you. I’ll lay down my life to save yours. I’m committed for life. That’s what I offer you, baby. Your life and your freedom. I think that’s more than fair.”

  The original arrangement was my servitude in exchange for my family’s safety. But now that that was off the table, what did that mean for them? “Then you’re going to kill them tomorrow? Next week? My freedom means nothing if I’m about to lose everyone I love.”

  He held my gaze, his look cold.

  I was so frustrated, I was on the verge of tears. I tried to see the good in this man, but I was starting to realize there was none. He was blinded by his hate, condemned to suffer forever because he didn’t know how else to live. It didn’t matter how much I gave him, he would never appreciate it. I closed my eyes for a brief moment, and two tears started to run down my cheeks. “I don’t understand you. I’ve given you everything. I’ve spared your life many times. But that’s never enough for you. There’s more to you than this blood lust. There’s more to you than all this hate. I know there is…”

  His eyes shifted down. “There’s not, Vanessa. I’m sorry I misled you.”

  “You didn’t mislead me. You’re misleading yourself.”

  His eyes moved up again.

  “I wish I’d let you die. I wish…” More tears came. “It doesn’t matter what I wish.” I rose from the chair and walked to the entryway. I’d left my phone and belongings behind, but I didn’t care. He could keep my paintings, keep my phone and wallet and everything else I owned.

  It meant nothing to me anymore.

  “Where are you going?” he asked, not rising from his seat.

  I didn’t turn around before I got inside the elevator. “You said I was free. It’s none of your damn business where I’m going.” I hit the button and forced the doors to close so I wouldn’t have to look at him ever again.

  Once the doors were shut and I had my privacy, I let the tears out. I thought this man had more inside that hollow chest, but now I knew he was as evil as he’d always claimed. I couldn’t stop him. Even saving his life wouldn’t change his mind.

  By the time I reached the ground, I was sobbing.

  “Why didn’t I kill him?”

  My father would be so disappointed in me.

  My whole family would be.

  If they all died and I lived…I wouldn’t be able to live with that regret.

  I would kill myself.

  I stepped out into the cold night air, wearing a t-shirt and jeans. The icy temperature felt good against my hot face. It was a windy night, so my hair flapped around me and my tears were flung onto the concrete. I crossed my arms over my chest and stepped forward, ready to brave the cold evening air on my way to…wherever.

  I didn’t even have my keys.

  I felt a shadow move on top of me, and I knew I was standing underneath a mountain. His chest came into view, and I refused to look at his eyes.

  His evil eyes.

  I stepped around him. “Leave me alone.”

  He grabbed me by the elbow. “Vanessa.”

  I twisted out of his grasp. “Don’t touch me again. If I’m free, you’ll let me go. I never want to look at your face again. I never want to hear you speak. I want nothing to do with you. Go back inside, put a gun in your mouth, and pull the damn trigger.” I moved forward again, feeling no regret for what I’d just said.

  Only for what I hadn’t done.

  He moved into my path again. “Wait. I’ll drop it.”

  “Drop what?”

  “I’ll leave your family alone.”

  It was too good to be true. I lifted my gaze and met his eyes, seeing the sincerity in his face. “You promise?”

  “I promise I’ll drop it…for now.”

  “For now? What does that mean?”

  “It means I’ll drop the vendetta for the foreseeable future.”

  “Until when?”

  “I don’t know. But that’s the best I can give you.”

  It was hard to see his face because my hair was flapping so hard in the wind. “That’s not enough, Bones. Not even close.”

  “Then let me think about it. I won’t do anything until I’ve made a decision, and I’ll genuinely consider what you said…and you can convince me why I should drop this blood war. That’s the best you’re going to get out of me, and I honestly think it’s more than fair.”

  “Am I still free?”

  He nodded. “You’re always free. You’re always safe.”

  If that was the best I was going to get, then I would just accept it and appreciate it. My family was safe for now, and I had time to change his mind. I managed to get him to reconsider, and that was significant progress for a bitter man like him.

  “Come back inside.” He scooped his arms underneath me and carried me back into the building.

  I didn’t fight him because I didn’t want to be out there anyway. The second I was against his warm chest, I felt safe from the wind. I felt safe from everything—even him. My arms hooked around his neck, and I rode with him in the elevator, thinking about the last time we were inside, of the way we kissed and touched. I was attached to this man more than I’d ever been to anyone else.

  But I knew he was attached to me too—and that gave me hope.

  I woke up the next morning with his face close to mine. His heavy arm was around my waist, and my leg was hooked over his waist. His eyes were open, like he’d been watching me for a while.

  My eyes blinked a few times before the image in front of me became clearer. I took in his beautiful eyes, his muscled frame, and the scruff that formed along his jaw. I was a free woman, and I didn’t have to be there anymore—but there I was.

  We didn’t screw last night. He carried me to bed, and we went to sleep. I wasn’t sure how I felt about him anymore. I was angry that he wouldn’t give me what I wanted, but I appreciated the fact that he gave me something.

  My freedom.

  And a chance to convince him to move on from his blood lust.

  I’d been sleeping with him for over two months now, so I wasn’t sure what else I could do to convince him he needed to spare my family. I was kind to him, and instead of letting him die, I did something about it.

  Wasn’t that enough?

  He didn’t say a word as he watched me, his bright blue eyes watching my gaze without blinking. I was used to his stare, but this one felt different somehow. It felt warm instead of cold. It felt affectionate rather than invasive.

  Now that I had this newfound freedom, I wasn’t sure what to do with it. Regardless of what decisions I made, my life was spared. He vowed never to hurt me or to lay a hand on me. I could reclaim some of my life, the life I’d been missing.

  I pulled back the sheets and got out of bed.

  Bones sat up and watched me.

  I didn’t pull on his t-shirt the way I usually would. After waking up, we usually had morning sex, then I would go into my art room and he would head to his office. But that routine was over, starting today.

  I pulled on a pair of jeans and a long-sleeved shirt before I started to pack my bag.

  Bones got out bed then stood behind me. “You’re leaving.”

  I didn’t look at him, concentrating on pulling my clothes out of the drawer and placing them inside my bag. I could feel his piercing gaze right between my shoulder blades, like he was holding a branding iron against me. “I’m free to do whatever I want, right?”

  He was quiet for an eternity, like he might not say anything at all. He’d grante
d me my freedom, but he obviously struggled to keep his word. He wanted to grab me by the arm and yank me onto the bed. He wanted to do what we did every morning, not caring if I wanted the same thing. But now, everything was different. I could feel the struggle right behind me, feel him clench his fists in frustration. “Yes.”

  “Then I want to go home.” I zipped up my bag and then walked down the hall to the art room. I was taking my paintings with me, so I grabbed the paper and started to cover each one, to protect them from sunshine, humidity, and the pollutants in the air.

  He stood in the doorway and watched me. “Does that mean you aren’t coming back?” He crossed his arms over his muscled chest, his ink stretching down both arms and up his corded neck.

  “I don’t know.” I had no idea what I was doing at this point. I just knew I needed some space. “I think I’m going down south to spend time with my family. I want to put up my artwork at the winery anyway. Might be good for me to have a change of scenery…”

  “Are you going to tell them?”

  I knew exactly what he was asking—if I was going to tell them everything about him. If I did, my family would immediately mobilize and prepare to bury him six feet under. I could start the war and give them the upper hand. “No. And that’s only because I believe you’ll make the right decision.”

  “You need to stop seeing the good in others—when it’s not there.”

  “There’s good in you, Bones. It’s just buried so far down that you can’t see it.” I finished wrapping all the paintings then set them on the floor. “If you do decide you’re going to move forward with it, I want to know first.”

  He continued to lean against the doorframe.

  “I want to warn them what’s coming. But I’ll be on the other side of the battlefield—and this time, I will kill you.”

  His expression didn’t change, but I knew he was fighting to keep his face neutral.

  I meant what I said. If he made me choose between him and my family, I would choose my family. I didn’t have the strength to kill him when it was just the two of us, but if my parents’ lives were on the line, I’d shoot him right between the eyes.

  I knew it in my heart.

  I picked up two paintings and then moved toward the door even though his massive frame was blocking it. “Will you do that for me?”

  He cocked his head to the side slightly, examining me with those pretty eyes. “Alright.”

  “Promise?”

  He gave a slight nod. “Promise.” He stepped out of the way to let me pass.

  “Can you give me a ride home?” I didn’t have a car or a way to transport all of my things. I moved into the hallway and turned around when I didn’t hear him follow me.

  He remained in front of the doorway, pressing his hands against the frame. All the muscles of his torso tightened, his displeasure obvious. He fought the urge to say no, fought the urge to tie me up and keep me there forever. He clenched his jaw before he answered, his words coming out restrained. “Yes.”

  He helped me carry all of my things into the apartment. My place wasn’t ideal to house all of my paintings. We leaned them up against the wall in the living room, the images taking up all the available space in the area. There was hardly room for my easel. Thankfully, they wouldn’t be there for long since I would drop them off with my parents.

  I set my bag on the couch then looked at him, feeling the tension increase between us. The silence was deafening, nearly bursting my eardrums because it was so loud. Goose bumps formed on my arms, and the hair on the back of my neck was standing up. All my emotions were contradictory because I wanted him to stay, but I also couldn’t wait for him to leave.

  He stood by the door, his arms crossed and his t-shirt stretched. His jeans hung low on his hips, and since he hadn’t shaved for a few days, his jaw was sprinkled with masculine scruff. I liked the way it felt between my legs when his mouth was pressed to my most tender areas.

  I’d never seen a more beautiful man all my life. I’d never been so passionate with someone, needed someone the way I needed him. It was the only way to explain my behavior, my impulse to save his life. If he didn’t mean anything to me, I would have looked the other way and let it happen. But something told me I would be devastated if I lost this man.

  But knowing my actions weren’t enough to spare my family made me resent him, even if he said he would consider ending the war. I was relieved I was free, but just because he gave me permission to do what I wanted didn’t necessarily mean I was free from this man…because I could still feel the connection between us. It was overwhelming and powerful.

  “When are you leaving?” He broke the silence with his masculine voice, his deep and reverberating baritone vibrating his throat.

  “Tomorrow.”

  “How long will you be gone?”

  “I’m not sure…probably a week.”

  His eyes showed his disappointment, but he didn’t voice it. “Can I stay with you?”

  I’d never heard him ask for anything since the day I met him. There was no such thing as him asking for permission. He just took what he wanted—and everyone else had to accept it. I could feel the anger in his voice when he asked the question because it was so difficult for him to do. He still felt like he owned me even after he’d set me free. “No. I just want some space right now.” I’d spent every waking hour with this man, and I needed some time alone. After all this time, I thought I understood him, but I realized I didn’t understand him at all.

  He clenched his jaw hard but didn’t give in to the rage inside his chest. He gave me a slight nod. “Call me if you need anything.”

  “Alright.” I was surprised he was actually going to listen to me. I assumed he would storm across the room and kiss me until he got what he wanted.

  “I mean it. Anything at all.”

  “I know…”

  He gave me a long look before he turned around and left my apartment.

  He actually left.

  I really did have my freedom back, my independence. I thought it would give me a high, give me a sense of power.

  But his absence only made me feel alone.

  I cleaned my apartment, ordered a pizza, and then occupied myself by watching TV while lying on the couch. It was the first time I’d been alone since I got into trouble with Bones in the first place. Now I could do whatever I wanted, even go out and meet a guy. I still had the tracker in my ankle, but even if he was watching my whereabouts, there was nothing he could do about it.

  When it started to get late, I went into my bedroom and got under the covers. I cranked up the heater a little higher than I usually did because it was too cold. Bones’s body had provided an extra ten degrees of warmth. He heated the sheets and kept me comfortable all night long.

  It was the first time I went to bed in a sweater.

  Now I wasn’t used to my own bed anymore—not without him.

  Every time I closed my eyes and tried to drift off to sleep, I heard a noise. It was pop here or a crack somewhere else. My paranoid mind got the best of me, and I kept walking into the living room to explore the sound.

  I peeked out my window and saw nothing there. I checked the windows and made sure the front door was locked. Knuckles had broken in to my apartment, and now I’d seen five men break in to Bones’s place despite all of his security measures.

  I didn’t feel safe anymore.

  I went back to bed, but then the apartment would make strange noises, so I would get up again and check over and over.

  I was used to his deep breathing drowning out all other sounds, and I was used to staying at his place more often than staying at mine. And I was used to knowing he would handle anything that came our way. I didn’t have to care about the strange noises because I had a bulletproof man to protect me.

  I’d seen him be shot twice—and both times, it didn’t affect him.

  How was that possible?

  I kept getting up and checking the apartment, afraid that someone was
watching me now that Bones was gone.

  But I never saw anything.

  I was just being paranoid.

  I went back to bed and saw the time on the clock on my nightstand.

  It was two in the morning.

  Damn, I wasn’t going to get any sleep tonight.

  I grabbed my phone and held it on my stomach, tempted to call the man I’d asked to leave me alone. I would judge myself if I turned to him, would loathe myself if I asked him to protect me. He was my biggest enemy.

  But once the next sound erupted, I called him.

  It barely rang one time before he answered. “Baby.”

  I listened to the silence over the phone, hoping to catch the sound of his breathing. But I couldn’t discern any noise. I imagined he was lying in bed. He obviously wasn’t asleep because he didn’t sound like he’d just woken up.

  I loathed myself for making the call, but the second I heard his voice, I felt better. I felt like his presence could keep the demons outside my apartment.

  He didn’t ask why I called. He just sat there with me, listening to me breathe.

  I could stay like that forever.

  What was wrong with me?

  He spoke after five minutes of silence. “Are you alright?”

  No, I wasn’t alright. I was so fucked up in the head I didn’t know what to do with myself. I missed a man I despised. I saved a man I should have killed. “I can’t sleep. I keep hearing all these noises, and it’s scaring me…” I hated admitting I was scared. I hated admitting any kind of weakness, especially to him. I was bred to be as strong as my brother, as strong as my mother.

  “It’s nothing,” he whispered. “Go to sleep.”

  “How do you know it’s nothing?”

  No answer.

  My heart started to beat a little faster as I considered what he’d said. He was a paranoid man, overly protective. For him to brush off my concern was unlike him. Unless he knew something I didn’t. “You’re outside, aren’t you?”