Buttons and Pain Page 8

  She gasped quietly into my mouth, getting the exact touch she craved. Her lips trembled against me like she’d been stung by an icy burn. Her lips wrapped around my waist and her ankles hooked together like an anchor. She pulled me tighter against her, wanting me inside her now—not later.

  Her hands cupped my face then drifted into my chair. She fingered the strands with such force she nearly pulled my hair out of my scalp. Her body rocked with mine and her hips grinded against me, anxious to feel me inside her. “Crow…fuck me.”

  Fuck.

  I adjusted my hips until my cock pressed against her entrance, and I put my weight into the thrust as I moved completely inside her in one swift movement. Her pussy was tighter than it used to be, but my cock slid in with ease.

  Because she’s never been so soaked.

  “Yes…” Her hands dragged to my back and her nails were still sharp as daggers. She panted into my mouth because she couldn’t kiss me. All she could do was moan—moan for me. “Crow.”

  I curled her body until she was a tiny ball underneath me. Her legs were tight around my waist and her arms were around my torso. Bent like a doll, I fucked her hard against the mattress like a sailor that just docked to shore.

  My arm snaked underneath her frame until I reached the back of her neck. I wrapped my fingers around the back of her throat and gave her a firm squeeze. With the tight grip, I moved her up and down onto my length while slamming into her hard from above. “Button…” Her pussy was heaven after the long dry spell I went through. But it was worth the wait because this moment was powerful and crippling. The connection we used to share was back in full force. I felt it, and I knew she felt it too.

  I couldn’t last any longer. Beating off didn’t give me the stamina I once had. My cock needed to release inside her, to give her so much come that her pussy couldn’t hold it all. I needed to erase every trace of the man who replaced me. “Button, come for me.” I deepened my thrusts and rubbed my pelvic bone against her throbbing clit. I wanted to watch her come so I could get off to it.

  Her cheeks flushed pink, the distant color of a spring rose just after winter. Her lips turned ruby red, the aftermath of my bruising mouth. Her nipples hardened to daggers, and slowly, her beautiful mouth formed the distinct O I’d been waiting for. Then she let out a scream that nearly shattered my eardrum. “Oh god…” Her head rolled back and her nails almost cut through my skin. “Yes, that’s it.”

  Her pussy tightened around me and another wave of slickness surrounded my cock. It grew wetter and warmer between us. My cock thickened in preparation, and I gripped her neck tighter, practically bruising her. “Take. It. All.” I shoved myself completely inside her, giving her every inch. And then I released with a moan I couldn’t contain. It left my lips and escaped like a growl. My fingers kept squeezing her and I had to force myself to let go otherwise I would choke her.

  I remained on top of her because I didn’t want to leave, not just yet. I used to spend most of my time buried deep inside her, and when she left without notice I had to face the cold reality that she was gone. She was underneath me now, and I wanted to treasure every moment of her.

  Her eyes were full of satisfaction and her breathing slowly returned to her normal. Her thick hair was sprawled across the pillow and her fingertips slowly loosened their hold from my skin. Her beautiful green eyes slowly faded from a vibrancy to dormancy. She wasn’t only satisfied, but exhausted.

  I kissed her, giving her a soft embrace to make up for the harsh way I did it before. Now that the passion was gone and it was just the two of us, I wanted to give her a caress that showed more than lust. I didn’t just miss her because the sex was great between us. I missed her for a lot of reasons, reasons I couldn’t explain.

  I pulled out of her, feeling my cock ache in pain from being separated from the heaven between her legs. When I lay beside her I spooned her from behind, the usual arrangement we took when we slept together. I didn’t know what time it was and she didn’t set an alarm for the following morning. She didn’t ask for her buttons and I didn’t offer them.

  And we fell asleep.

  Chapter Eleven

  Pearl

  When I woke up the following morning I instantly smelled coffee. The scent was unmistakable. It was rich in smell, and the distant sound of the brewer landed on my ears. The light from the window hit my eyelids and I knew the sun was rising.

  And that meant I had to go to work.

  I got out of bed and snatched the first shirt I found on the floor. It was Crow’s and it reached past my knees because it was a zillion sizes too big. I felt the fabric in my fingertips and immediately remembered doing the exact same thing every morning when I lived with him a lifetime ago.

  I walked into the kitchen and saw Crow sitting at the table. Shirtless and gorgeous, he read the morning paper. Only his boxers were on, and his muscled and toned thighs reached out beneath the table. “Breakfast is on the stove. Lars didn’t make it but it’s edible.”

  I scooped the eggs onto my plate and poured a cup of coffee. The cream and sugar were already sitting out because Crow knew exactly how I took it. I sat down in the seat across from him and glanced at the clock. I still had an hour before work so I could take my time.

  Crow read his paper and didn’t look at me once. If the window behind him didn’t show the Manhattan landscape I would assume we were back at the estate in Tuscany. His five o’ clock shadow was coming in strong and his lips looked slightly chapped from all hot kisses we shared last night.

  God, last night was so good.

  Jason never satisfied me like that. It wasn’t dark but it was certainly intense. Crow treated me like a piece of meat but he did it right. I never felt more wanted and desirable. Jason always treated me like glass, like I would break at any moment. It must have been the best orgasm I ever had because it knocked me out immediately.

  “How did you sleep, Button?” He put down the paper and turned his mocha brown eyes on me. His hair was messy from rolling around the night before, and there were scratches on his chest from the way I sunk my claws into him. Somehow, all those things made him sexier.

  “Good.” Fucking fantastic, actually. I hadn’t gotten a night of sleep like that since I shared a bed with him. I tossed and turned in the middle of the night, the old nightmares of Bones haunting me. Sometimes I would lay absolutely still but feel the rocking of the ship from my journey across the Atlantic. Sleeping with Jason didn’t make anything better. Everything was exactly the same. But with Crow, it was nothing but calm serenity. When his arms were locked around me nothing could hurt me. I would never admit it out loud, but he was the first man who made me feel safe. “You?”

  “Like a rock.” He drank his coffee then rubbed his fingers against the scruff coming in along his chin. It was thicker than usual because he hadn’t shaved the day before. I’d never seen him with a full grown beard and I wondered how it would look on him. Would he look even more beautiful? Or just deadly.

  Now that we were sitting across from each other civilly and our appetites had been satiated, I needed to get down to business. “Five.” I laid my open palm on the table so he could deposit my payment inside.

  He never took his eyes off mine.

  I kept my hand there and waited for my debt to be paid. I wasn’t here because I wanted to get sucked into this nightmare again. I wanted to sever our ties forever so we could move on and never see each other again. The sex was amazing and it felt incredible when he held me, but my heart had been smashed once before and I wouldn’t let it happen again. I kept it hidden deep inside my chest where he couldn’t reach it. I could keep it safe for thirty buttons—but no longer than that.

  He stared at me with narrowed eyes, uncooperative.

  “Pay up.” I beckoned him with my fingers.

  “Two.”

  “Two?” I asked incredulously. “I said five.”

  “That was worth two and we both know it.” He drank his coffee with his elbows resti
ng on the table. His stern expression told me this was non-negotiable.

  I guess I should have settled the payment before we fucked—like a whore. “The night before was worth one. So how was last night worth two?”

  “It was Vanilla. If anything, it should only be worth one.”

  Maybe restraints were used but it was still long and aggressive. I felt like that night was worth a lot more than he gave me credit before. He didn’t realize that those buttons represented a lot more than mere payment. It represented the layers protecting my heart from his coldness.

  “Two.”

  “Five.”

  He shook his head slightly. “Button.”

  I couldn’t believe I was about to cave. But I recognized a dead-end when I saw one. “Fine.”

  He pulled two buttons out of pocket and passed them to me across the table.

  They were shiny and metallic. One had an image of a bow while the other was plain silver. I’d collected hundreds of buttons since I’d been captured by him but I had nothing to shower for it. They would be added to my hidden collection. “I have to go to work.”

  Crow didn’t argue but he wasn’t happy about it. “I’ll see you when you’re off.”

  “I’m not coming here, Crow.”

  He crossed his arms over his chest, warning me not to defy him.

  “I have plans. I’ll see you tomorrow.” I had to keep space between us. If I spent too much time with him it would just make everything harder. I had to pace myself—take it slow.

  “What plans?”

  “I’m getting drinks with my coworkers.”

  “Do you normally do that?”

  “About once a month.”

  His eyebrows furrowed in annoyance. “I’ll join you.”

  “No,” I snapped. “You aren’t a coworker.”

  “I own you.”

  Those words hit me like a palm against my face. I rose to my feet and gripped the edge of the table. “You don’t own me, Crow. I’m not your slave anymore so I can do whatever the hell I want.” I stormed off, leaving the buttons on the table behind me. After a great night I was already pissed off at him. One minute he pushed me away because I confessed how I truly felt, and then the next minute he possessed me like he couldn’t live without me. It made no sense and I was fed up with it. He couldn’t have it both ways.

  I put on the clothes I was wearing the night before and stormed out of the apartment.

  Just when I got to the front door he stopped me. “Button.” He pressed his hand to the door so I couldn’t open it. His heavy mass blocked the way so I was trapped.

  “I’m going to be late.” I still had plenty of time but I was desperate to get away from this psychopath.

  His arm circled my waist and he guided me against the door. My back was pressed to the wood and I was cornered like an animal. The predator had caught the prey and there was nothing I could do except wait for the end. He dug one hand into my hair and forced my chin up so I looked directly into his face. “Be mine again.” His thumb moved across my cheek until it rested in the corner of my mouth. “Let me own you. Let me possess you. Let me have you.” His lips hovered near mine, tempting me with a kiss.

  “No.” Every moment I was in his presence tore me down. A part of me wanted to go back to what we were. My life was much simpler. I belonged somewhere. I had a home. I had a man that was brutally scarred just like myself, and those cuts bound us together like family. Staying in that estate in the middle of Tuscany was the best therapy I could ever get. Even if I’d never been sold into slavery I wasn’t happy in America. I hadn’t been happy with Jacob or anything else in my life. Crow gave me something I’d been searching for for my entire life. But then he took it away. “You had me and you didn’t want me, Crow. You can’t just change your mind about that.”

  “I never not wanted you.” He pressed his body further into mine. “You know that.”

  “Two months of silence says otherwise.” When I was alone for the past two months it was easy to lie to myself and pretend I wasn’t hurt. But as the words left my lips the betrayal felt like a fresh wound he just gave me. He broke my heart worse than I anticipated. He shattered me into indefinite pieces—and this time he couldn’t put them back together. “I’m only doing this to settle the score. I’m only doing this so you’ll disappear. So don’t pretend we’re back in Italy and everything is what it used to be. We can never go back to that. So don’t you dare call me a slave ever again. Don’t you dare say you own me. Because you don’t deserve to own me.”

  ***

  I was in a ferocious mood all day.

  I hated Crow for the way he emotional tortured me, and I hated myself for being head-over-heels for him. Yes, he was sexy and smoldering. Yes, he was compassionate but not weak. But he was still a heartbreaker underneath that pretty package.

  I wouldn’t get sucked into it again.

  I couldn’t believe it happened to begin with.

  When I was work I focused on the project that had been handed to me weeks ago. The best thing about my job was how easy it was to get sucked into it. It was complex and challenging, and that kept my focus so I didn’t think about anything else.

  After work, I got drinks with some of the guys. They mostly talked about sports and what they were going to do on their next vacation. I drank my beer and wished it were Tuscan wine. Then I went home so I could be alone. If Crow was lurking inside my apartment I would kick his ass.

  Seriously.

  I stepped inside then flicked on the lights. There was no food in my fridge so I’d have to order a big ass greasy pizza for dinner. But that was fine with me since I couldn’t cook anyway. The extent of my capabilities was mac and cheese and canned chicken noodle soup. I wish I made more money at my job so I could hire Lars to work with me.

  Like I feared, that arrogant son-of-a-bitch was there.

  I tossed my purse on the counter and snatched a wooden dough roller from one of the drawers. It wasn’t a baseball bat but it would have to do. “Asshole, I said I wanted the night off and—”

  “Listen to me and I’ll go.” He stayed on the opposite side of the counter wearing a gray t-shirt and jeans. His face was cleanly shaven and his hair was styled to perfection. The usual watch he wore was missing but he still looked executive.

  I didn’t want to listen to whatever it was he had to say. “Make it quick.”

  He came around the island and moved closer toward me.

  I immediately stepped back, not in the mood to be touched. “There is good.” There was two feet in between us, but that still wasn’t enough distance. I crossed my arms over my chest closed my body off, making it clear he wasn’t welcome.

  He stood with his arms hanging by his sides and his eyes told me he wanted to be closer. His hands were always on me every chance they got, and being denied that luxury was testing his patience.

  I continued to stand there and wait for whatever he had to say. Whatever it was, I was sure I wouldn’t like it. The man was void of all emotion because he was a hollow shell. It was stupid of me to ever think he would change—especially for me.

  “I finally understand how much I’ve hurt you.”

  That was the last thing I expected him to say. I tried to keep my face expressionless, but the moment those words came tumbling out, my mouth softened from the grimace it’d been holding. My arms became weak against my chest, even my knees didn’t feel as strong as they did a moment before. And all he said was a single sentence.

  When he realized my walls started to crumble he stepped closer to me. His hand remained by his sides and he didn’t touch me, but the yearning to grab me was obvious by the desire in his eyes. “I see what I’ve done to you and I hate myself for that.”

  I hung onto every word, feeling my body pull toward his like a magnet. My mouth already wanted to kiss his and my hands ached to grip his hard flesh. All the emotions I tried to battle came flooding out. The power he had over me was so strong, it was terrifying.

 
; “Come back to Tuscany with me. I’ll give you a home to call your own. I’ll give you a life full of luxury, beauty, and respect. My bedroom won’t just be mine, but ours. You’ll be the lady of the estate, just as entitled to it as I am. You’ll have everything you could possibly want. Whatever it is, I’ll give it to you.”

  “What exactly are you saying, Crow?” It sounded too good to be true, and I needed clarification before I made hasty assumptions.

  He closed the gap between us and his hand immediately wrapped around the back of my neck. He looked down into my face, his brown eyes taking in every reaction my features gave. “I’m yours, Button. I’ll be devoted to you. I’ll protect you. I’ll give you everything you want. Come home with me. Home.”

  My hand wrapped around his wrist, feeling his powerful pulse. I counted the number of times it vibrated against my fingertips. The veins in his forearms protruded from underneath the skin because of the pronounced muscles that were strung so tight they were made of steel. “How long?”

  His eyes narrowed when he didn’t understand the question. “Forever.”

  I closed my eyes because that sounded like a dream come true. I wanted to spend every day under the Tuscan sun with this man. Despite his intensity and range, he was the other half of my soul. I convinced myself I didn’t love him anymore so I could move on with my life but I knew that wasn’t true. My lies weren’t strong enough to fool me. “Crow, do you love me?” I didn’t open my eyes because I didn’t want to see his reaction. I didn’t want to watch him say the painful word.

  When he didn’t say anything, that was my answer.

  I opened my eyes and looked at him, feeling stung all over again. The same pain was written on his face because he hated himself for hurting me. He hated himself for not saying the words I wanted to hear.

  “Then what’s the point?” I whispered. “You want me to live with you but for how long? You’ll get tired of me and want someone else, someone new. And then I’ll be shipped back here to start over once again. I can’t do that, Crow.”