Committed Page 5

  I was still so madly in love with him.

  That high disappeared when he pulled away abruptly. His arms were removed from my reach, and he sighed in annoyance as he positioned himself a few feet away from me. His hand rubbed the back of his neck before he looked at me.

  I felt like he’d slapped me in the face.

  Shocked by the rejection, I stood there and didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t even cover up my reaction to spare my dignity. I was embarrassed…and hurt.

  Hades responded to my expression. “We can’t.”

  I understood we were divorced. I understood we wouldn’t get back together. But I didn’t understand his words. “Why?”

  He turned his gaze to the street and watched a few cars go by. The sun had begun to set ten minutes ago, and it would be dark very soon. He let the minutes trickle by before he turned back to me. “Because we can’t.”

  The logical part of me knew we needed to remain platonic, make this easier for both of us. We had a son to raise together, and we needed to be responsible adults. Blurring the lines with a confusing relationship would make that difficult. But I wasn’t logical right now. I was pregnant, emotional, and sad. “Are you not attracted to me anymore?” I’d gained an extra twenty pounds throughout the pregnancy, and I had a stomach I couldn’t hide anymore. I was self-conscious about my looks, but I never thought Hades would care.

  All Hades did was shake his head as he turned away from me, as if that was the dumbest thing he ever heard.

  I knew he was with beautiful women all the time, all slender and toned. I saw the women he was with after we broke up the first time, so I knew his type. Perfect was his type. “Because I’m not skinny and perfect like your strippers and whores, you don’t want me anymore? Now, you’re used to the best, and I’m just some fat pregnant woman?” I felt the tears start in my throat, but I refused to let them be visible in my eyes.

  He slowly turned back to me, the tint of his face slowly turning from tanned to red. His brown eyes now looked black, and the vein in his forehead was noticeable. Like a volcano, it seemed like he was about to explode and burn everything around him. “That’s what you think I’ve been doing?” Spit flew from his mouth because he spoke with so much hostility. “You think I’ve been fucking around? No. That’s fucking stupid. I’ve never wanted you more.”

  Reassurance washed over me, and I finally felt connected to the man I still loved. My isolation had made me question everything, made me question what I ever meant to him. As my clothes stopped fitting, I felt ugly…hideous. His words made me feel like me again, made me feel confident once more. “Then take me.” I grabbed the front of his shirt and tugged him into me, bringing his lips to mine in a violent collision. Our lips crashed into each other, even our teeth smashing a bit. My fingers tightened on his shirt because I wasn’t going to let him go.

  Instead of slipping away, Hades remained in place. His lips didn’t move against mine, but he didn’t end the embrace either. His arms remained at his sides as he breathed against me, as he tried to find the strength to do the right thing and walk away.

  I wasn’t going to let him walk away.

  My fingers released his now wrinkled shirt, and my hands glided over his chest. My stomach pressed against his and kept us farther apart than usual because I was much bigger than I used to be. One hand cupped his cheek, and I kissed his immobile lips, seduced him the best way I could. I never had to try with Hades. He was always ready to go, always thrilled to take me, even if it was in the middle of the night and he was asleep.

  His lips eventually caved and reciprocated my demanding affection. They moved slowly, treasuring every graze of my lips, every breath that we exchanged. He kept his hands at his sides like he was still trying to fight the longing, but with every passing second, he gave up more territory. He allowed me to conquer him, then eventually he raised his white flag.

  His hands slid into my hair, and he kissed me harder, cradling the back of my head as he gave me his tongue and his breath. His arm moved around my waist, and he gripped my lower back as he pulled me into him. One hand went to my ass cheek, and he squeezed it hard as he backed me up to the door and continued to devour me.

  We made it inside and shut the door, our hands all over each other as we yanked on each other’s clothes to pull our souls closer together. He pressed me into the front door and kissed me just the way he did on the balcony years ago. His lips moved to my neck, and he kissed me before his lips moved to my jawline. His hands hiked up my dress, and he pulled my leg over his hip as he pinned me into the wood.

  This was what I missed about being married to this man. It was so easy to get lost in the carnal desires our deep attraction created. It was easy to become prey to this predator, to forget all the terrible things happening in my life. He chased everything away, calmed the storm in my soul, and created a new one in my heart.

  I was too pregnant to screw up against a door like we used to. My stomach was in the way, and on top of that, I lived with my mom, so she could walk by at the wrong time and see me going at it like a whore with my ex-husband.

  We made our way upstairs to the third floor and entered my bedroom. He kicked the door shut behind him and then pulled his shirt over his head. His tanned skin was the same as I remembered but also different. Now, there was hard steel just below the surface, muscles so strong they seemed bionic. He must have been working out more than he ever did before, picking up buildings and cars to get that kind of definition. He was beautiful and strong, an eight-pack leading to a deep V in his hips.

  Now, I felt fatter than I had before.

  He undid his belt and loosened his jeans so they could slide down his muscular thighs and fall to the floor. His shoes and socks were gone a second later before the grand finale. As if I’d never seen him naked before, he took his time dropping his boxers, clearly proud of the main event. Soon, they were gone along with the rest of his clothes, and he stood in front of me with a big-ass dick that nearly made me do a double take.

  Was it always that big?

  He watched my reaction to him, probably wanting to see my desire for him. I wasn’t sure what he saw, but he probably noticed the way I tensed, the way I licked my bottom lip without thinking twice about it.

  Jesus.

  I grabbed my loose dress and pulled it over my head. I wore a black bra underneath, a couple sizes bigger from what I used to wear because my tits had swollen with my pregnancy. I unclasped it and let it fall before I pulled off my black thong.

  All the insecurities I’d felt washed away when he looked at me like that. His eyes devoured my body like a teenager looking at a naked woman for the first time. His gaze was so concentrated he couldn’t blink. He stepped closer to me as he continued to stare, appreciating the new curves I had as a woman. My tits were bigger and he clearly noticed, but he noticed other things as well, like the thickness of my thighs, the wideness of my hips, the way my stomach stuck out so far. But the arousal in his gaze told me he liked all those changes.

  He looked at me just the way he used to.

  He moved into me and grabbed me by the hips as he guided me backward and onto the bed. He moved on top of me as I lay back and got comfortable on my unmade bed. It was a place I slept alone every night, dreaming about the man I’d had to leave. No one else had ever been there, and it was hard to imagine a time when there would be someone new.

  I only wanted this man.

  He held up his powerful body by his arms as he lowered himself on top of me. He moved between my parted legs and slid one hand into the back of my hair. All the anger and rage he’d exhibited toward me in the doctor’s office seemed to be gone. Now the man I used to know was with me, the man who loved me. He lowered his face to mine and kissed me, a slow kiss that was gentle compared to our embrace on my doorstep. Every kiss was purposeful, meaningful. Exchanges of hot breath, gentle moans, and easy kisses…it was all enough to make me come by itself.

  My hands moved up his stomach and across h
is chest, my fingertips recognizing every dip and groove because I used to do this every night. My fingertips dug into his muscles, feeling the resistance of his solid frame. Now I had a big stomach in the way, but that didn’t stop us from getting close together.

  I didn’t just want sex because I was lonely. I wanted this man specifically, the man who still had my heart, body, and soul. Maybe this was a bad idea. Maybe it would hurt more in the morning. But I didn’t care. I wanted him now…and I would deal with the consequences later.

  I didn’t want to ruin the moment by saying something that could jeopardize our passion, but I had to be smart. “Did you bring anything…?”

  His eyes didn’t change with offense. He was as hot and hard up as he was a second ago. He grabbed his base and slid himself inside me, sinking in easily because I was so wet and ready. He closed his eyes and moaned quietly as he inched forward all the way and put his dick in place. “I haven’t been with anybody else.”

  My hands stopped at his chest, and I stared into his warm eyes as I processed what he said. We’d been divorced and separated for months. He had every right to move on and spend his nights with other people. It would kill me, but I had no right to be upset. Knowing he chose to be alone resonated in my heart. I couldn’t imagine being with anyone else either, and not just because I was pregnant. I knew he wasn’t lying either because he wouldn’t risk giving Andrew something. Not to mention, he wouldn’t lie to me. “Neither have I.”

  “I know.”

  His hips slowly rocked into me as he kept his gaze locked on mine. Every inch he possessed was deep inside me, our bare bodies working together to be as connected as possible. When we kissed on the doorstep, it was hot and aggressive, but now, he slowed things down.

  He made love to me, not fucked me.

  His arms swelled from supporting his weight, but his expression didn’t look strained. His chiseled stomach was the exact opposite of my belly, and he rubbed against it as he rocked into me. His breathing slowly escalated with his exertion, and he stared at me like I was the most arousing thing in the world. He bent his neck down and kissed me as he continued to move deep inside me, getting every inch in deep so his balls tapped against my body.

  This was exactly what I wanted…to feel this.

  Maybe it was the hormones, maybe it was the love, but I exploded right in the beginning. My thighs squeezed his narrow hips, and I dragged my nails down his muscular back and claimed him as mine as he gave me the greatest high I’d ever felt. It made me feel connected once again, made me happy again.

  He pressed his forehead to mine and continued to move, his expression focused as he fought his need to release. He was so hard inside me that it was obvious he wanted to blow. But he held on because I wanted to make this last forever.

  I looked into his eyes and recognized the man I used to be married to. I saw the love in his eyes, saw the beauty in his soul. It had seemed like things had changed because of his coldness, but he was still the same…deep down inside. We’d been separated for months, but that distance only showed me how much I loved him, how much I didn’t want to spend my life with someone else. “I love you…”

  He didn’t say it back with his words, but he did with his gaze. His body worked at the same pace to make love to me, to keep the moment going as long as he could.

  My hands slid into his hair, and I pulled his face close as I locked my ankles together around his waist. “Hades, I love you.”

  7

  Hades

  Was it possible to feel elated and feel like shit at the same time?

  Yes.

  I woke up the next morning with Sofia beside me. The bed was foreign, the room was unfamiliar, but it felt like home. She was cuddled into my side with her arm over my waist, her swollen belly nestled into my side. Her brown hair was all over the place from where I had touched it the night before.

  She was perfect.

  I stared at her for a long time because I knew it was the last chance I’d ever get. Last night was a mistake, but the temptation had been too strong to walk away. The second she grabbed me by the front of the shirt…I was a goner.

  That’d always been my weak spot.

  I’d had sex with the woman of my dreams, her belly big because I made it big. It was a fantasy of mine—except in reality, she wasn’t my wife anymore. When I was home alone with just my hand, she was always my wife.

  I was surprised she’d assumed I had been with other women.

  How did she not understand how obsessed I was? How did she not understand how much I loved her? Sometimes I wondered if she was as smart as I gave her credit for. Hopefully, Andrew wouldn’t inherit her ignorance.

  I lay still because I wanted this to last as long as possible. Once I was gone, I would feel alone again. These months of separation were supposed to help me move on. Sleeping with her only reminded me of how amazing we were together. It only reminded me of what I’d lost.

  Reminded me of what Maddox took from me.

  Thirty minutes later, Sofia woke up. Her body tensed slightly. Before she even opened her eyes, she reached out for me like she was afraid I’d slipped out in the middle of the night without saying goodbye. When she realized I was right there, she relaxed.

  Listening to her tell me she loved me was a dream…and a nightmare. Watching her love me like this was worse. I was still angry with her for leaving me, even if it clearly wasn’t easy for her. My hand moved over her large stomach, and I put her at ease. “I’m right here.” I didn’t have the opportunity to spend much time with Andrew because we were living in different cities. If she were still my wife, I would be able to sleep with my hand on her stomach every night, feel my son kick when he was being ornery.

  Maddox took all that away from me.

  She placed her hand on mine and returned her cheek to my shoulder. She took a deep breath and relaxed again.

  I rested my head against the headboard and enjoyed the comfortable silence for as long as I could. Last night was perfect. As soon as I’d finished, I was inside her again, making love to her throughout the night and fighting against a rising sun. She was just as sexy pregnant, actually more so. There was something about her curves and the changes to her body that excited me. It was probably an evolutionary thing since I knew her baby was mine.

  It was sexier than the hottest piece of lingerie.

  But I couldn’t get attached…because I had to leave. It would’ve been smart to slip out in the middle of the night, but I didn’t want to hurt her in that way. I didn’t want her to feel abandoned, or like it was so easy for me to leave.

  It was the hardest thing in the damn world.

  When I’d waited long enough, I took a deep breath and spoke the words out loud. “I have to go.”

  She didn’t move, as if she didn’t hear what I said.

  I was patient and gave her a few minutes to comply.

  She eventually moved off me and left the bed. She grabbed her dress from the floor and pulled it on, hiding all her voluptuous curves and that gorgeous ass. Her tits were nearly twice the size, and while I liked them, I actually like the way her hips widened more, the way her thighs thickened. I liked all the changes.

  I forced myself to stop staring and got to my feet. Piece by piece, every article of clothing returned to my body. My shirt was wrinkled from the way she’d yanked on it, but I would never throw it away. The silence filled the room as we both got ready, the occasional dressing noise filling the quiet. It was awkward for a million reasons, which was why I shouldn’t have let this happen in the first place.

  But I was weak.

  After she fixed her hair, she turned to me, barely making eye contact with me. “I’ll walk you out…”

  We left her bedroom and took the stairs to the bottom floor. Because the universe hated us, Maria walked by, holding a cup of morning coffee, fully dressed. She opened her mouth to address her daughter, but when she realized I was with her, she shut it again. Our wrinkled clothes and messy hair made it
obvious we’d spent the night together. And the stupid smirk on her face told us she figured that out. “Nice to see you, Hades.” She excused herself down the hallway and ignored her daughter.

  I wasn’t ashamed of being caught. It was Sofia’s problem.

  We stepped outside onto the front porch to say our goodbye.

  I didn’t know what to say because nothing had changed. I could tell her last night was a mistake and it shouldn’t happen again, but I didn’t have the audacity to say something so cold. This was hard for both of us. Maybe it was better to say nothing at all. “I’ll come down a few days before the birth.”

  Sofia crossed her arms over her chest and stared at the ground. Her makeup was a mess because she hadn’t washed her face like she normally did. Her hair looked like she had just stepped out into a storm.

  “And I’ll stay for a week or two.”

  She gave a slight nod in acknowledgment.

  I didn’t see what benefit Andrew would get, having me in his life. I was a dangerous man who did dangerous things for money. My partner was a psychopath who was completely unpredictable. I would only be around once in a while, and when Sofia eventually remarried, her new husband would be more of a father than I ever could. I would have to sit there and watch some new guy replace me in every way imaginable.

  Could I do that to myself?

  Ash warned me about Antonio, and now that I’d seen the guy in person, I realized how much of a threat he was. He was young, good-looking, and judging by the way he treated Sofia, he thought the world of her. He was clean, simple, and they both had the priority of the hotel in common. It wouldn’t take her long to realize he was the perfect partner.

  And all the bad things that had ever happened to her…happened because of me.

  “Do you need to leave right now, or can you stay a bit?” She lifted her gaze to meet mine, unease in her expression.