The Palace (Chateau Book 4) Page 20

  I gave him a blank stare because no one ever came to visit me. “Who?”

  “Magnus and Raven.”

  I was on my feet instantly, eyes wide, excitement in my blood. “I’ll…I’ll be right down.” I grabbed my heels and slipped them on before I fixed my hair in the mirror. Then I took the stairs, holding on to the rail so I wouldn’t trip, and hurried to the parlor.

  She was there—beside Magnus.

  The work clothes were gone, replaced with a nice sundress with her hair done, looking just the way I remembered during the good times. I sat on the couch beside her, looking at her with the same deep look that she gave me.

  She was free.

  The stare continued. She gave me a slight smile, showing that same loving affection with her eyes that she always gave me—even when I was a pain in the ass.

  My arms wrapped around her, and I embraced her for a long time, knowing that this journey was finally over. Neither one of us had to return to the camp. It was terrible that it lived on, but at least we’d escaped its clutches.

  She pulled away and looked me over.

  I looked at her, disagreeing with Fender so deeply. He spoke of my sister like she was unremarkable, but to me, she was the most exceptional woman who ever lived. I’d do anything to be more like her. “You look nice…”

  A bit of disbelief moved into her gaze, but there was still a hint of gratitude that I’d said it. “Never as nice as you.”

  I shook my head slightly because I didn’t believe that. Magnus didn’t either, obviously. “Could you give us a moment?”

  Magnus immediately rose to his feet to excuse himself.

  Raven grabbed his wrist and tugged him back down. “I’m just going to tell him everything we say, so there’s no point.”

  Magnus cooperated with the motions, taking his seat beside her once again, his arms on his knees, his eyes on the paintings on the wall. He had the same characteristics as his brother, the same physical mannerisms, but he wasn’t quite so cold.

  Raven stared at me for a while. “Magnus told me that you agreed to marry Fender in exchange for my freedom.” Her eyes shifted back and forth as they regarded mine, the respect on the surface. “I really appreciate that. I do.”

  I dropped my gaze and stared at my hands in my lap. “I tried to get him to free the girls…but he wouldn’t. At least he gave me you.”

  Raven gave a slight nod. “I’m glad that you tried. But I suspect his mind is so corroded and he doesn’t understand how terrible he really is. He’s lost all humanity…”

  My initial instinct was to defend him, but I kept my mouth shut. I lifted my chin and looked at her, wishing I could describe who he really was. I wished I could convey the way he comforted Gilbert in his final moments. I wished I could share the way he made me feel, that I was better than the poor reputation I gave myself. I wished I could share the way he spoke of his family, the way he missed them even now. But I could never explain that in a way she would understand.

  Her eyes glanced down at the large ring that was impossible to miss. “But you don’t have to marry him.”

  It was so quiet that I could hear a hawk glide across the sky outside the window. My eyes narrowed on her face, failing to understand the words she spoke so clearly.

  “Because I don’t want to be free.”

  I should have known that my sister had a trick up her sleeve. “Raven, if you think you can destroy that camp from the inside, you’re delusional. We tried to get rid of it and free all the prisoners, but that didn’t work whatsoever. You need to let this go.”

  Raven shook her head. “That’s not why. The only way that place is going to end is if Fender ends it…or he, himself, is ended.”

  I hoped that never happened—because I couldn’t live without him. “Then I don’t understand…”

  Raven took a long time to answer, like she knew how crazy she sounded before she even said anything. “I can’t live apart from him.” Her voice came out as a whisper, like she didn’t want Magnus to hear even though he was directly behind her, still staring at the painting on the wall.

  I stared for a long time, realization slowly sinking in.

  “Where he goes, that’s where I go.”

  I was in utter disbelief. As much as I hated being apart from Fender, I had no desire to go back to that place. “But it’s so terrible there.”

  With a sad look in her eyes, she nodded. “I know.”

  “And if you’re in Paris, we can see each other all the time…”

  “I know that too. But when Magnus goes to the camp, he’s gone for a full month, and I just can’t live with that kind of separation. All I’ll be doing is waiting for him to come home.”

  I wanted to argue to get my way, but I didn’t see an unselfish angle to take. If she were in Paris, we could get lunch, go sight-seeing, spend time together to make up for all the time we’d lost. If she went back to the camp, our time together would be very limited.

  “So, you don’t have to marry him. I’m not choosing to go to the camp to protect you. I’m going because I want to be there…with Magnus.”

  Magnus reached for the glass on the table and took a long drink, his expression harder than it was before. He never showed affection toward my sister, but he exuded it in his own way.

  I didn’t know what to say, because my sister basically told me this was the man she would marry. They stayed together—no matter what. She gave herself to him entirely…and I did the same to Fender.

  Raven gave me a slight smile, like she was fulfilling her role as the protective big sister, saving me from a terrible fate. “You’re off the hook.”

  How was I supposed to say this to her? How was I supposed to look her in the eye and confess the way I really felt? She made it very clear she would never understand, that she would never accept it. It would drill a permanent hole between us. Her low opinion of me would sink even lower. But as my fingers fidgeted with the ring on my left hand, I told the truth. “I’m going to marry him anyway.”

  The look on her face was heartbreaking. Shock. Confusion. Uncertainty. Her mind absorbed my words slowly, very slowly, and once there was nothing left to do but accept my response, her eyes looked empty. “Why…?”

  I dropped my gaze because I was ashamed, too ashamed to look my sister in the eye. “The same reason you want to be at the camp with Magnus.”

  “No…”

  Like a child who’d broken the rules, I kept my head down. I promised a lifetime to the man of this palace, and this moment should be a happy one between two sisters, but it was a nightmare. There was no screaming in joy. No wedding plans. No hugs. No tears. No mention of Mom…

  Raven grappled with the words about to come out of her mouth, like she didn’t know how to speak because she’d never expected to say those words. “How can you feel that way for the man who subjugates innocent people to a lifetime of imprisonment, and then a departure from life with a cruel execution? How…? Melanie, ignore the diamonds and the gowns. I know you’re scared to be on your own, but give yourself more credit than that. You can do it. You don’t need him.”

  I kept my eyes on my hands. “It’s not like that.” It was nice to be taken care of, to have a man provide for me, protect me, give me a life I’d never thought possible. But that wasn’t the reason I’d fallen in love with him. “It’s not about the money and the security…”

  “What is it? The sex?”

  It was the best I’d ever had, but it wasn’t that either. “No.”

  “Then what?” Her voice started to rise, unable to keep her anger in check.

  I inhaled a deep breath, wishing I could show her a reel of all the quiet moments we shared. I wished I could show her who he really was. “I know he’s responsible for a lot of terrible things, but he’s more than that. He’s just so hurt by the terrible things he’s seen that he struggles to feel empathy and compassion for others—”

  “Then how could you possibly care for a man who feels nothing for others?
” Raven’s eyes were big and raging, full of sheer disappointment.

  “Because I believe he can change. I believe he can come back to the right side. I believe, in enough time, he will be who he used to be… He’s just not there yet.” I believed it with my whole heart. With every passing day, he softened, dropped his guard, cared more about a life with me than the work on his desk. He wanted a family. How could a man want a family if he was really that dead inside? He was becoming who he used to be, a man that I’d never met.

  “Even if that turns out to be true, it doesn’t change what he’s already done. He’s ordered his men to execute the weakest worker every week to keep the rest of them working like bees in a hive. He’s done that for years, Melanie.” Her voice rose higher and higher, her anger getting the best of her. “He may not be the one with the knife or the rope, but he’s the one with the blood on his hands. How the fuck do you feel anything for that monster?”

  Magnus placed his hand on her thigh, silently trying to calm her.

  I’d barely said a few words to Magnus, but there was a connection between us, because he was the only person who understood how I felt. He loved his brother too. He was loyal to his brother, no matter what. I dropped my chin again, eyes slowly filling with tears. “That’s a bit hypocritical, don’t you think?”

  Venom hissed from her mouth like a snake. “My man is nothing like yours.” She forced her voice to steady, but her rage was making her red in the face. “He’s tried to stop Fender many times. He’s tried to convince him to run the camp in a different way. He’s tried to reason with him. They are not the same.”

  The moisture toppled over my lashes and dripped straight down my cheeks. “I know I can change him. I can…”

  “You’re still going to marry him without knowing for sure?”

  My answer was immediate. “Yes…because I have faith in him.”

  “Or is it because you know you have no choice?” Raven snapped. “Because, if a man forces you to marry him, that’s not love. That’s cruelty.”

  “He’s not forcing me.” I lifted my chin and wiped away my tears. “He’s never forced me to do anything. I can leave this place whenever I want. I stay because I want to stay. I’m telling you, he’s not the barbarian you know him as.” He’d had all the power that first night in my cabin. He could have forced me to do anything. And even afterward, he still had all the power, but not once did he abuse it. He made me feel safer than I’d ever been my whole life. A man had never given me as much respect as he gave me. He was the man of the house, the boss, the dictator, but he reported to one person—me.

  Raven continued to shout at me. “I don’t care how you know him when you’re living in this mansion and life is good! He chooses to execute innocent people. Period. Some of those women could be your friends. One of those women could’ve been me. The only reason why it wasn’t is because Magnus saved me. Let that sink in.”

  I inhaled a deep breath, more tears falling down my cheeks. “I understand…I do. I feel both things at once. I hate him for the things he’s done, but I’ve also fallen in love with the other side of him. You have no idea how ashamed I feel right now, feeling you looking at me like that, knowing you’re right and I’m wrong. But I also can’t change the way I feel, because I’ve never felt this way about a man in my life.”

  Raven had no sympathy whatsoever. “You’re too young to know what real love is. You’ve barely had a long-term relationship with any man in your life. You’ve just been traumatized by what you’ve been through, and you found a man who can protect you against all that. Stockholm syndrome. It’s not real.”

  Magnus gripped her thigh. “Ma petite amie—”

  “Stay out of this.” Raven didn’t look at him.

  He didn’t get a word in, but I appreciated the fact that he tried. He was on my side. I knew he was. “Raven…” I wiped away my tears with my fingertips and breathed until I was calm enough to speak. “I know it’s wrong…I do. If I could just not feel this way, I would. I know Magnus and Fender are totally different people, but how are you going to be with a man who continually works at the camp? Maybe he doesn’t like it, but he still participates. Fender doesn’t like it either, but he feels like he has no other choice. Why can you be with Magnus, but I can’t be with Fender? Magnus has never actually tried to stop anything.” I didn’t mean to throw him under the bus, but I viewed the brothers as the same person. They were both good men doing evil things because they were still in survival mode, even though they’d made it back on their feet a long time ago.

  Raven’s gaze turned cold. “He saved us, didn’t he?”

  Magnus turned his gaze on me, looking past Raven’s head. “I will stop it.”

  My eyes focused on him, the only person who understood exactly how I felt.

  He broke contact and looked at the wall again. “I don’t know how, but I will.”

  Raven inhaled a deep breath, and a look of pride came over her face.

  Magnus spoke again. “But I understand, Melanie.”

  My eyes slowly softened, and I wanted to reach for his hand, my lifeline. When I wasn’t in the room and Raven said how terrible I was as a person, he would be there to defend me, to ask Raven to have compassion rather than hate.

  Raven looked at him, unsure of the meaning of his words.

  He continued. “Fender is a good man. He’s loyal like no man I’ve ever known. He’s strong, refusing to break for anyone. He’d cut off his own arm and give it to somebody he cared about if that’s what made them happy. He’s just hurt by what happened to us, and somehow having all the money in the world will make our father pay for what he did to our family. Hurt people hurt people…and Fender is so traumatized by what he had to witness in our childhood home that he’s numb to the pain and suffering. It doesn’t justify what he’s done. But he’s not himself. He hasn’t really been himself since that night. I believe he can see reason and change. I do. Yes, Melanie, I understand. I hate him for what he’s done…but I still love him.”

  My conversation with my sister haunted me every single moment of every single day.

  Until Fender came home.

  I spotted his car at the gate, and I ran downstairs to the foyer to meet him when he pulled up. I stepped outside onto the steps and watched his powerful car circle the roundabout and park at the curb.

  He stepped out, dressed in all black, black boots on his feet. He shut the door and stared at me for a moment before he came around the back of the car, the valet taking the seat he’d just vacated and driving off.

  With that intense stare, he walked up to me, his gaze piercing my flesh.

  My arms immediately circled his neck, and I pressed my cheek to his chest, inhaling the scent that had started to fade on the sheets, feeling the warmth that was hotter than the summer sun. I closed my eyes as I held on.

  His powerful arms circled my body, holding me tight, and he rested his chin on my forehead, one hand digging into my hair. He held me that way without saying anything, his breathing steady and slow, peaceful.

  He dipped his chin and pressed a kiss to my head. “You’ve never done this before.”

  I pulled back so I could meet his gaze, not understanding the meaning of his words.

  A slight smile moved on to his lips. It was such a handsome look on him. It made him soft in the sexiest way. Eroded a decade off his lifespan, a glimmer of the happy boy he used to be. “Greeted me.”

  “Well…I missed you.”

  His smile continued, his hand moving up my cheek and pushing my hair back. “I missed you too, chérie.”

  The evening was spent in our bedroom, me on top, with his back against the headboard, his hands squeezing my hips, his fingers kneading my ass. My hands planted against his chest, the band of my ring leaving a mark when I pulled away. Again and again, it happened, our final time ending with him on top of me, his narrow hips between my thighs, fucking me like he’d been gone for months rather than weeks.

  But once it was over, t
he sadness returned.

  The heat of the moment drove away the coldness in my heart. His kisses made me feel loved when I felt unworthy of his love. His desire made me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world when I was the ugliest—at least on the inside.

  Gilbert left a late dinner outside the door, so I set the dining table and we sat together.

  Fender normally showered the instant he came home, but I’d demanded his attention to the exclusion of everything else. We sat across from each other, me in his t-shirt, him in his boxers, and ate in silence.

  My eyes were down on my food, and I didn’t ask him how his trip was. My mind was elsewhere.

  Like always, he read my mood like words projected on the wall behind me. “What is it?”

  I lifted my eyes at his question.

  He chewed his food as he stared at me across the table, his massive shoulders strong, his chest hard like stone. His jawline was covered with hair because he didn’t shave as often when he was at the camp.

  “Magnus and Raven came by a few days ago…”

  “I know. Is that not what you wanted?”

  “No, it is,” I said quickly. “I just… Never mind.”

  His eyes were instantly hostile, pressuring me for an answer.

  “I told her I agreed to marry you…and she wasn’t happy about that.”

  His mood darkened even further. Invisible rain clouds appeared over him, making the bedroom feel like winter instead of summer. “You’re a grown woman, Melanie. You need to stop caring what that hypocrite thinks. She doesn’t belong on the pedestal where you’ve placed her.”

  “She’s my sister…”

  “Magnus is well aware that I don’t care for her. You think I’d ever intervene?”

  I dropped my gaze.

  “The only people who see the world in black-and-white are people who don’t understand how the world really works. They walk down a street in Paris and only notice the couples admiring the Eiffel Tower, the little coffee shops and bistros. They don’t see the president having dinner with me, the most powerful drug kingpin in Europe. They don’t see the Chasseurs in the catacombs beneath the streets. They don’t see reality because they have no idea what reality even looks like. That’s your sister. She thinks she’s a hero. She thinks she’s a saint. But she’s an idiot casting judgment on things she doesn’t understand. She’s spent a few months in the camp, and if she thinks that’s horrible, she doesn’t know the half of it. If she had to survive what Magnus and I have survived, she would shut her fucking mouth. She doesn’t understand—and she should be grateful she doesn’t.”