Buttons and Shame Page 20

  But I couldn’t argue with her logic. I’d either die trying to escape or die because I shot myself in the head. “Doesn’t it make more sense to escape than to kill yourself? Lizzie wouldn’t want you to take that alternative.”

  She shook her head. “I’m not going to betray my best friend just so I can live. And I’m not going to suffer any longer. I’d rather just end it.”

  While it was heartbreaking, I respected her devotion to her friend.

  “Cane?” she pressed. “You can do that for me, right?”

  I didn’t want her to do this. But there was nothing I could do to change her circumstances. She was just a stranger to me, a woman I was fucking for my own sick pleasure. What happened to her after she left wasn’t my concern, and I would do the same thing if I were in her situation. If someone were threatening me with Crow, I would cooperate even if I didn’t know if he was alive. “Yeah…I can do that for you.”

  “Thank you.”

  “But we might be able to track Lizzie down. Don’t give up just yet.”

  She leaned her head back on my shoulder and hooked her arm through mine. “We both know it’s not going to happen, Cane. I have to prepare for the worst.”

  The sounds of her sobs woke me up.

  She was having a nightmare, the kind that made her kick me in the side and scream into the pillow. Whenever I slept with her, I always slept like a log. The second my eyes closed, it was already morning. But tonight was a deviation from the norm.

  She twisted in her sleep, her arms over her head.

  “Bellissima.” I grabbed both of her wrists and pinned them above her head so she wouldn’t hurt herself. “Wake up.”

  She twisted against my grasp, tears streaming down her cheeks.

  “You’re here with me.” I kissed her tears then pressed my mouth to hers. She responded almost immediately, her lips softening at my touch. Her hands no longer fought against my hold, and she finally opened her eyes.

  “Cane…” She released the breath she was holding and wrapped her arms around my shoulders. She held on to me tightly and buried her face in my chest. Her legs hooked over my waist, and she breathed deeply, subduing her own panic. Like a frightened cub looking for protection, she clung to me like I was the only thing that could keep her safe.

  “I’m right here.” My hand moved into her hair, and I kissed her on the temple. “It’s alright.” My lips moved to her cheek then her neck. “It’s just you and me inside these four walls.”

  She moved closer into my chest and slowed her breathing. Her normally soft skin was covered with sweat and her body was scorching hot, but I didn’t push her away. She closed her eyes and slowly returned to a state of calm.

  I continued to stroke her hair and stare at her features. They were contorted into a look of pain before they slowly began to soften once more. All the things I loved about her face began to return, like the slight glow of her cheeks and the softness of her mouth.

  My fingers traced her soft strands then moved to her neck. I touched her pulse in her veins and felt it vibrate under my fingertip. It was like a lullaby to me, feeling that rhythmic sound slow until it reached gentle pace. I never wanted that vein to go quiet, for those eyes to close forever.

  It seemed like such a waste.

  I kissed her on the mouth again, even though I was certain she was already asleep. I loved those lips like they were made for me to enjoy. My breath escaped my mouth and entered her throat, feeling just right.

  I had to stop myself before I woke her up again.

  I stared at her eyes until mine grew heavy. When I couldn’t keep them open any longer, they closed and I slipped into a dreamless slumber.

  And I think she did too.

  I examined the handgun my designer created. Not as heavy as a typical weapon, the steel had been blended with a lighter material, making the gun a quarter lighter than average. They would sell like hot cakes no matter what I priced it at. “Good work.”

  Vox nodded in appreciation. “I can get it a bit lighter. Need to tweak a few things.”

  “Let me know when you do.” I returned the gun to the table just as Crow approached. I didn’t know he was on base because he was secretive with his visits. I did most of the work with the production and shipments. He stopped by whenever he felt like it. “What do you think?”

  He examined the gun then opened the barrel. His fingers slid along the metal before he shut the barrel again and set it on the table. “Fine piece of weaponry. I’d like one once it’s out of production.”

  “Sure thing, Crow,” Vox answered.

  I walked away since the conversation was over.

  “How’s she doing?” Crow’s voice came up behind me since he was following me.

  I stopped and turned around, standing with Crow in the assembly warehouse. The police knew exactly where we were and what we did for a living, but they didn’t bother us. While we committed crimes every day, we respected the police and never worked against them. The only kind of organized crime we did involved other criminals. The police came after us once a long time ago. They quickly learned to turn their cheeks and mind their own business. “She’s fine.” I assumed he was talking about Adelina and her emotional breakdown at the house the other day.

  “Pearl is concerned about her.”

  “She doesn’t need to be.” Crow and I would never figure out where Lizzie was being held unless we questioned Tristan ourselves. For the sake of our business relationship and any further transactions, we didn’t stick our noses where they didn’t belong. It was bad business. “She’s a strong girl.”

  “I can tell. She reminds me of Pearl.”

  The jealousy shot through me at the comparison. I didn’t want him to view my woman in the same light as his wife.

  Crow must have caught the look on my face because the corner of his mouth rose. “She’s pretty, but not my type.”

  Even that comment made me angry.

  Crow grinned harder. “Forget I said anything.”

  If I said Pearl was pretty, he wouldn’t like it one bit. I walked off again, not in the mood to talk to him.

  Crow trailed behind me. “Two weeks left…that’s going to go by quickly.”

  It already had gone by too fast. “Did you want something? I thought you weren’t a fan of girl talk?” I tried to talk to him about Pearl a few times when his head was shoved up his ass. He wasn’t fond of it.

  “Are you really going to give her back to Tristan?”

  I walked into the main entryway and headed for the bar. “Yes. That was part of the deal.” I poured him a glass without asking because I knew he never turned down a drink.

  “And that’s it?” He swirled the glass before he took a drink. “You send that poor girl back to the devil?”

  My eyes narrowed. “You’re one to talk. You kept Pearl as a prisoner for months.”

  He shrugged. “This isn’t about me. This is about you. And the situations aren’t comparable. I never borrowed her from Bones. I took her.”

  “Yes, I’m sending her back.” She would take the cyanide pills shortly after she returned, and she would die in the middle of the night when no one was paying attention to her. Her death would be violent and painful, but at least her misery would be over. I would never tell Crow what her plans were since he would tell Pearl.

  Crow eyed me with his dark gaze, studying my expression like my thoughts were written across my face. He took another drink before he spoke his mind. “You seem fond of her.”

  “How so?”

  “You comforted her pretty well.”

  I didn’t do much. “I’m not as evil as you think I am. I have some compassion…”

  “You showed her more than compassion. I saw it.”

  I was sleeping with her, so we shared a lot of affection. All of our embraces had become natural, like we’d been a committed couple for years. “The woman broke down after talking about being raped. If you think I’m gonna stand by and do nothing, then you don’t k
now me very well.”

  He shook his glass then finished it off. “Did you ever ask Tristan if you could buy her?”

  I wasn’t going to waste my time. “No.”

  “You don’t want to pay for her? Or you just don’t care?”

  Neither. After being with that woman every night, I knew she was priceless. Like the rarest and most beautiful diamond in the world, she was one-of-a-kind. Tristan would never let her go, no matter what I offered. It was a shame he didn’t treat her better, keep her healthy. She would waste away quickly under the conditions. “She’s not for sale.”

  Crow shook his head. “I wish you’d never accepted the exchange. Adelina is all Pearl can talk about anymore.”

  I wanted to say I regretted the decision too, especially since I had to give her back. But I knew I didn’t. I enjoyed every morning and every night of having that woman in my bed, of being between her legs. “It is what it is.”

  “I feel sorry for you,” he said suddenly, his words out of nowhere.

  “Why?”

  “You act like you don’t care, but I know giving her back is gonna be hard. I’d feel like shit.”

  I already did feel like shit. “None of this is my fault, so I don’t feel bad about it.”

  “Everything that happened to Pearl wasn’t my fault either, but that shit still haunts me.”

  “That’s your wife. It’s different.”

  He tossed the leftover ice into the sink then set the glass on the counter. “Even before she was my wife, it still haunted me.”

  21

  Adelina

  I woke up that morning with the sun right in my face. The curtains were already open even though it was early, but it was a nice way to wake up. My hand moved across the sheet beside me but only came into contact with the bedding.

  Cane was gone.

  I opened my eyes and sat up. I stretched my arms over my head and released a yawn just as the door opened.

  Cane walked inside with a breakfast tray in his hands. On the surface sat two plates of pancakes, bacon, and eggs with a shared side of toast and two coffees. “Just in time.”

  I watched the steam rise to the ceiling in the morning light and felt my stomach tighten in hunger. I’d had plenty to eat the night before because Cane and I had a big dinner, but all the food looked delicious, and the fact that he was serving it to me made it better. “You made that for me?”

  He set it on the bed then moved beside me. “For both of us.” Like he hadn’t just done something incredibly sweet and out of character, he opened the newspaper and took a bite of his bacon.

  I watched him read before I helped myself to the buffet he’d just presented to me, unsure why he went out of his way to do something so thoughtful. No man had ever cooked for me before, let alone brought me breakfast in bed.

  I eyed his newspaper and read the front. “The New York Times?” I didn’t think he would read something American when he didn’t even live there.

  “I like to keep up-to-date with international events. This paper does a good job covering that. Locals newspapers usually focus on the capital and other cities. Most of my business takes place beyond our borders.”

  I didn’t truly understand what he did, and I thought I’d ask. “So, what do you do, exactly?”

  “I’m an arms dealer.” He didn’t stop reading. “I told you that.”

  “So you make weapons and sell them?”

  “In a nutshell.”

  “How did you get into that business?”

  He shut his paper because he realized this conversation wasn’t going to go anywhere. “Curious today, aren’t you?”

  “You don’t have to answer me if you don’t want to.” He always gave me the privilege of having a choice. I would do the same for him.

  “I don’t have to do anything if I don’t want to.” He drank his coffee before he set it down again. His muscles tensed any time he moved, the chiseled lines of his physique protruding out like the lines from a statue. He had an incredible body, toned in the right places and lean in other places. “My father ran the business before us. We inherited it.”

  “Didn’t realize you could inherit something criminal.”

  “You can inherit anything, just like how I inherited my mother’s eyes.”

  “They are pretty.” I blurted it out without thinking, but I was sure Cane knew all of his features were nice.

  “Not as pretty as yours.” He took a few bites of his eggs, his eyes downcast. “My parents were killed from a blood war they had with a competitor. Crow and I inherited that as well. He was the one we stole Pearl from.”

  The backstory kept getting thicker and thicker. “And he’s dead now, right?”

  “Pearl killed him.”

  “So now there’s no competitor?”

  “Not currently. But other men are looking to take his place. It’s something Crow and I are concerned about.”

  “Because?”

  “Whoever takes Bones’s place will need to be even more ruthless. We killed one tyrant, but that may give birth to a worse enemy.”

  Hearing all this made me miss my old life. It was much simpler. “Sounds like a lot of stress.”

  He shrugged. “It can be.”

  “Are you ever afraid someone is gonna take a shot at you?”

  He opened his newspaper again like this conversation was boring. “I think about it. But no, I’m not afraid. Dying doesn’t scare me.”

  I didn’t believe that. “Everyone is afraid to die.”

  “It’s natural, so there’s no reason to be scared of it. Life is just a phase. It passes.”

  I didn’t know if that was ignorant or extremely wise. “Do you ever think about doing something else?”

  He closed his paper again, and this time, put it off to the side. If he was annoyed, he didn’t show it. “Do you think I’m interesting?”

  I took a bite of my toast. “I think all my friends are interesting.”

  He gave me a look I’d never seen before. “You see me as a friend?”

  “What else are you?” We screwed several times a day, but there was nothing romantic between us. We weren’t strangers anymore. And I never thought of us as enemies.

  He never answered. “No, I never think about doing anything else. I like being in charge, and I like money.”

  I could tell he was loaded by looking at his house and all his cars. “There’s nothing else you’re passionate about?”

  “It sounds like you’re judging me.”

  I didn’t know what he was referring to. “I’m not. I’m just curious. People usually have three or four passions in life. I’ve always wanted to be a teacher, but I’ve also wanted to be an artist. Obviously, neither one worked out…”

  He kept eating like my words didn’t break his stride. “Actually, I like art too. Paintings, mainly.”

  “Yeah?” I couldn’t help but smile because it suited him, oddly enough.

  “Yeah. But don’t look at me like I’m some kind of pussy.”

  I didn’t drop my smile. “I wasn’t.”

  He finished half of his plate in a few bites and left his fork on the empty dish. “You’ve asked me a lot of questions. Now it’s my turn.”

  “I’m really not that interesting…”

  He finally turned my way so he could see my expression clearly. “Do you enjoy being with me?”

  I knew exactly in what context he meant that. He wasn’t referring to our lunches and dinners or our conversations by the fire. He was referring to the nights between the sheets, the sex we had in front of the fireplace.

  His eyes were glued to my face, watching every little reaction that I couldn’t control. His dark eyes stared at me without blinking, their intensity scorching.

  It was a complicated question, and I’d never taken the time to think about it. When I sat around and thought about things, it usually made me depressed. It was easier to ignore my feelings about my current situation. But there were some innate emotions that wer
e undeniable. I knew exactly how my body felt about Cane the first time he kissed me. Those passions had never gone away. In fact, they roared like the flames in his hearth. “Yes.”

  He’d been expecting that answer based on his lack of reaction. “Did you enjoy being with Tristan?”

  The question was so insulting I didn’t answer.

  “Or anyone else?”

  Again, I was silent.

  “So I’m the only one?”

  I wasn’t going to lie and pretend I didn’t come every time we had sex. As much as I tried to hide, it was always obvious. Even if I could keep quiet, he felt my body tighten around him as the emotion swept me away. “You know the answer.”

  “I want to hear you say it anyway.”

  “To boost your ego?”

  “No. Just so I know for sure. Honestly, I didn’t care about making you feel good until I finally got my hands on you. Once I touched you, I wanted you to feel what I felt. There’s something about you…you’re the sexiest woman I’ve ever been with.”

  The last thing I should do was blush, but that’s what I did. The words were sweet, even if they weren’t meant that way. “I’ve been beaten and raped—”

  “That’s not what I see. I see a gorgeous woman with the softest lips in the world. I see my ultimate fantasy. I never think about what came before me. I only think about you.”

  I lost my appetite altogether when I listened to his confession. He wanted me for my body, but he wasn’t sleazy about it. He made me feel beautiful, made me feel adored. With Tristan, I felt like a body with four limbs—nothing more.

  Cane pulled my answer from my lips without repeating the question. “You’re the only man I’ve ever enjoyed. I didn’t think I could enjoy sex after everything Tristan put me through…but I like it with you.” I averted my gaze once I felt the embarrassment creep into my veins. I confessed that I enjoyed having sex with a man who traded me for a deal. There was something seriously wrong with me.

  “What do you like the most?” He pried further, wanting details I’d never considered.

  “I like it when you kiss me…” I’d never been kissed the way before. He could make me come from that alone.