The Scotch Royals: Book Three Page 2

  He’d hardly eaten his food, but he pushed it aside like he was finished with it. “London, I don’t understand, and I’ll never understand. I tried to make it right with Crewe by doubling the amount of money I owed, but he took you anyway. I’ll always hate that man for the way he stabbed me. But…I’m trying to have an open mind about this. I just don’t understand how you can care about a man who took away all of your freedom. Help me understand.”

  “I can’t…it’s complicated.”

  “Well, try anyway.”

  There was a lot of graphic content that would make Joseph upset, and I couldn’t mention that. It would just make us both uncomfortable. “I hated him in the beginning. I fought him every chance I got him and put up a wall that he couldn’t penetrate. But when he said he was going to sell me to Bones…I did what I had to do to stay with Crewe. So I slept with him.” I didn’t look at my brother as I told the story. He probably wasn’t looking at me either. “I think that’s when everything changed. I think that’s when Crewe began to soften. He kept me for himself. And if I’m being honest, I enjoyed being with him.”

  Joseph turned his gaze out the window, like he wasn’t listening at all.

  “As time went on, we got closer and closer. We started to trust each other. And then it became a routine…a comfortable one. Crewe always treated me with respect, took care of me, and listened to me. He didn’t feel like my captor anymore. Honestly, I miss him and that castle.”

  Joseph rubbed his jaw. “You miss him now?”

  “Yeah,” I admitted. “I’ve been on a few dates, and I don’t feel anything. All I can think about is him. I can’t stop thinking about the way we left things. I can only imagine how angry he is…how much he hates me. But I wonder if he misses me as much as I miss him.”

  Joseph sat back in the chair and crossed his arms over his chest. He released a quiet sigh of irritation. “I don’t know what to say.”

  “You don’t have to say anything. But Crewe never laid a hand on me while I was his prisoner. He never took me against my will. The most he ever did was raise his voice when I annoyed him. Honestly, I was safer with him than anywhere else in the world. I know I shouldn’t feel anything for him, but it doesn’t change the fact that I do.”

  “Well, I think you answered my question.”

  “What question?” Talking about Crewe made me forget why we started talking about him in the first place.

  “That you love him.”

  It was hard for me to focus at work on Monday. I worked in the emergency room and helped out the physicians with patients with moderate illnesses. I had a lot of patients with pneumonia and one or two diagnosed with sepsis. The weather was changing in New York, and people were catching colds left and right.

  I filled out chart after chart, and during my downtime, Crewe came back to my mind.

  Did I love him?

  I’d been so focused on playing him that I didn’t realize how much my feelings had developed. I just assumed it was lust because the sex was good and he was handsome as hell. I didn’t think anything more serious could develop under the circumstances.

  But clearly, it had.

  I’d been in New York for over a month, but I wasn’t happy at all.

  I was just miserable.

  The only place I wanted to be was in that castle with that scotch-drinking man. I missed the bed I used to share with him. I missed the courtyard with all the roses. I missed the way he kissed my hairline when he was being particularly affectionate.

  I missed everything.

  When I got off work, I met Joseph for coffee because he was still in town. Since he was all I had, I felt obligated to tell him what my plans were. He was the closest thing I had to a best friend too, despite what he did to Crewe.

  “What’s up?” He carried his venti coffee to the table and sat down.

  “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking…”

  “That’s never good.” He sipped his coffee, wearing a black leather jacket with a gray t-shirt underneath. He definitely didn’t look like an insurance salesman.

  “I think I’m going to go to Scotland.”

  He gripped his coffee on the table and stilled like a statue. “What?”

  “They have an open position in Edinburgh at the embassy. And while I’m there, I can talk to Crewe about everything—”

  “You’re going back to Scotland to tell Crewe you want to get back together?” he asked incredulously.

  “I guess.” I wanted to do more than that. I wanted to apologize for being responsible for the death of his men, for being the reason he was shot. I wanted to feel him in my arms and know he was okay. I hadn’t stopped thinking about it, having nightmares about it.

  Joseph shook his head. “I know bossing you around is a waste of time, but don’t bother.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “If you think Crewe is gonna welcome you back with open arms, think again.”

  “I doubt it’ll be with open arms, but—”

  “And he might kill you.”

  That was one thing I knew for certain would never happen. Even when he was bleeding out onto the floor, he cooperated with Ariel to protect me. I was the reason why he was shot, but he still put me first.

  I knew he really loved me.

  “He wouldn’t hurt me,” I said with confidence. “I don’t know how he’ll react, but it won’t be violently.”

  “Even if you’re right, he’ll never take you back. You embarrassed him, lied to him, and humiliated him in front of all of his men. If the past has taught you anything, it’s that Crewe always gets even. Even if he wanted to, he couldn’t forgive you for what you did and move on.”

  “It’s not like he’s so innocent.”

  He chuckled. “Trust me, he doesn’t see it like that.”

  His warning didn’t change anything. If I didn’t speak to Crewe and at least make an attempt, I would think about it forever. I would live in regret for not knowing what could have happened. “I’m going to do it anyway and hope for the best.”

  Joseph didn’t hide his look of disappointment. His enemy captured me as payback, and now I wanted to go back to him. It was something he couldn’t wrap his brain around. “You want me to go with you?”

  “No,” I blurted. “That’ll just make it hostile. I have to go alone.”

  “Are you sure?” he pressed. “I can wait by the road. Who knows what his men will do to you.”

  “They won’t hurt me.” Crewe made his orders very clear. Even when he didn’t owe me anything, he still looked after me.

  “How can you be so sure?”

  If I loved Crewe after everything he put me through, then he still loved me. That was something I believed. “I just am.”

  3

  Crewe

  “What happened here?” Sasha sat on my lap with her legs straddled over my hips. Her huge tits were in my face, and her petite waist was perfect to grab on to. Her hand snaked up my chest to the scar over my pec. Thin black lines stretched over my pec from where the surgeons cut me open then put me back together.

  “I got shot.”

  “Ooh…” Her fingers moved gently across the wound. “I’m sorry to hear that.”

  “Not a big deal. Just a battle scar.”

  “And quite the conversation piece.” She spoke perfect English but had a heavy French accent. I liked listening to it when we were in bed together.

  Meaningless sex with women acted as a great distraction. I didn’t think about the woman who caused more damage than the bullet that nearly pierced my heart. And when I was pretty much drunk all the time, that helped too. Not to mention the painkillers I was still on. “Yeah, I suppose.”

  Someone knocked on my door even though it was almost nine o’ clock. “Sir?” Dimitri’s voice carried into the bedroom. “I’m sorry to bother you, but it’s urgent.”

  I had a naked woman on my lap. Nothing was that urgent. “It can wait until tomorrow.”

  Dimitri’s feet didn�
�t fade away as if he walked off. His mouth was right by the door. “It’s Lady London. She’s here. Do you still want me to send her away?”

  My entire body froze when I heard what he said. At first, I thought I imagined the entire thing, but my fingertips pressed into Sasha’s hips, reminding me that this wasn’t a dream. This was really happening. “London?”

  “She’s outside, sir,” Dimitri said. “What are your orders?”

  Sasha looked down at me. “Who’s London?”

  I ignored what she said. She wasn’t even there. “I’ll be down in ten minutes.” I rolled Sasha off me and grabbed my boxers and jeans from where they lay on the floor. I yanked them on and picked a random t-shirt from my closet.

  Sasha sat up in bed and pulled the covers to her chest. “Who’s London?” she repeated.

  I straightened my hair with my fingers as best as I could before I headed to the door. “I don’t have time right now. I’ll be back soon.” I knew London wasn’t going anywhere, but my heart just spiked with adrenaline. I never expected to see her again, never hear from her again. But she was standing outside my door in the middle of the night.

  What did she want?

  The last time I saw her was when we got into the Jeep. After that, everything turned blurry.

  When I thought about what she did to me, the anger emerged. I shouldn’t even go downstairs to see her. I should slam the door in her face and demand my men to drag her off the property by her hair.

  But that didn’t slow me down.

  I walked down the stairs, feeling my pulse pound in my ears like a pair of drums. My hands automatically formed fists, and my knuckles turned white. No matter how much anger burned under the surface, it didn’t stop me from wanting to cross that threshold.

  Stop me from wanting to see her.

  I reached the front door and stared at the dark wood. Only a few feet separated us, separated me from the woman I once loved. She played me for a fool, manipulated me exactly the way Ariel warned. She humiliated me in a way Josephine never did.

  And to think I actually loved her.

  I took a deep breath and willed the anger to leave my body. I wanted to wear a stoic expression, an expression of nothingness when I looked at her. I didn’t want her to understand how much she hurt me.

  But I doubted that would last long.

  I opened the door and stepped out into the night, taking the long stone steps to the driveway. I saw her outline in the darkness, her body wrapped in a black jacket. Her breath escaped like vapor because the October nights here were far colder than the ones in New York.

  Her face finally came into view from the outdoor lights. Her brown hair was exactly as I remembered, slightly wavy from the damp air. She wore dark jeans with black boots, looking slender in the curve-fitting outfit.

  I stood in front of her and looked at her head-on, doing my best to appear as indifferent as possible. It was cold outside, especially in just my t-shirt, but I refused to invite her inside my home—not when she was my enemy.

  She met my look with those green eyes I used to love. Sympathy and pain were written in them, remorse for what she’d done. I didn’t need to hear her apology to know it was sitting on the tip of her tongue.

  I waited for her to speak first since I had nothing productive to say. The only thing that came to mind were cold insults that wouldn’t further the conversation. Any shred of chivalry I had was long dead.

  “Hi…”

  I didn’t say it back, purely out of stubbornness.

  The wind was strong tonight, and her hair whipped across her face. When it got in her eyes, she tucked it behind her ear. “I was hoping we could talk inside. There’s a lot of things I want to tell you.”

  “No.”

  Her eyes contracted when she heard the authority in my voice.

  “I never want you to set foot inside my house again.” I was surprised how well I controlled my tone. On the way to the door, I’d thought about strangling her. Now I was calm and collected, making my walls as thick as the Great Wall of China. “I don’t give a damn about anything you have to say, and you’re stupid for showing your face around here. Maybe you’ve forgotten all the men who died because of you—but my crew hasn’t.”

  She finally bowed her head, breaking eye contact with me and tightening her arms around her waist. “I said I told Joseph not to come. I specifically told him—”

  “Not to hurt anyone or kill me,” I interrupted. “But you did plan for him to come. You were stupid to think my enemy wouldn’t desecrate me the second he had a chance. You plotted against me on purpose, took advantage of my heart like the whore that you are.” My temper flared, and now it couldn’t be controlled. I didn’t feel bad for insulting her, not when she’d insulted me worse.

  The fire didn’t leap in her eyes. “I told him not to come at all. I told him I was going to talk to you first.”

  “Talk to me about what? Tell me that you successfully tricked me into being pussy-whipped?”

  “No. About treating me like a real human being and not a prisoner.” Her own anger rose, but she kept it under control a lot better than I did. “Crewe, you said you loved me, but you still kept me chained up like a dog.”

  “There were no chains. I wish there were.”

  “You know what I mean. I wanted to ask if you would let me go…”

  I clenched my jaw because I probably would have done it if she’d asked. The second she didn’t want to be with me, I didn’t want her either.

  “I knew you would, but Joseph disagreed. That’s why he moved in when he did.”

  This conversation was just making me angrier. “Why are you here? It happened, and it’s in the past now. Why are we talking about this? And why didn’t you just call me on the phone? Why are you showing up at my doorstep in the middle of the night?” I at least hoped she wanted me back, that leaving me was a mistake. The second I realized she just wanted to be relieved of guilt, it pissed me off all over again. I hated myself for wanting anything else in the first place.

  “I wanted you to know that I never wanted to hurt you or your men.”

  “I’m so glad to hear that,” I said sarcastically. “Really changes everything.”

  Her hair flew in her face again, and this time she pulled it over her shoulder. “I wanted you to know it wasn’t all an act. I wanted to be free because I deserved to be free. I did what I had to do to get out.”

  “Congratulations.”

  “But when I told you I loved you…I meant it. I didn’t realize it at the time, but now I do.”

  My hands were still by my sides, cold from the breeze and white from my grip. “You expect me to believe that?”

  “Why wouldn’t you? You were there, Crewe. You knew how I felt about you before I even said anything.”

  I shook my head and stepped back. “Everything was a lie. You successfully played me, tricked me into getting what you want. Now that you have your freedom, why don’t you just go enjoy it and disappear?” I hated to think of how many men she’d slept with this past month. I shouldn’t care, and the fact that I did pissed me off.

  “Because I haven’t enjoyed my freedom…not like I thought I would.”

  I stared at her and couldn’t look away. My entire body shut down so I could take in everything without missing a single syllable.

  “Crewe, I miss you. I thought I would be happy back in New York, but I’m not. All I do is think about you. I’m not saying I don’t want my freedom, because I do. But I want both. I was hoping we could start over.”

  “Start over?” I asked with a strangled laugh. “I almost died on the operating table. No, we can’t fucking start over.”

  Her eyes welled with tears. “I understand you’re mad—”

  “Mad doesn’t do it justice. There are no words to describe what I’m feeling, London. I’ve never actually wanted to hurt you until right now. I want to slap you so hard that your neck breaks. That’s how I feel.”

  She didn’t take a
step back even though she should. “I want to apologize for everything, but I can’t. I did what I had to do to survive. The only thing I am sorry about is hurting you. I never wanted to hurt you.” The tears continued to build on the surface of her eyes, but they didn’t fall. “You know that, Crewe.”

  “I don’t know anything, London. I don’t know a damn thing.” The longer we stood outside, the more immune I became to the cold temperature and my hardening heart. I let my guard down again, and of course, it bit me in the ass. I felt stupid for ever trusting her. “I never want to see you again. Do you understand me?”

  This time, the tears fell. They streaked down her cheeks to her lips.

  Instantly, I felt my broken heart tighten.

  “Crewe, I admit things didn’t work out the way they should. I should have talked to you about everything sooner. But you can’t pretend to be the only victim in this situation. You’ve done things wrong too. You took my life away from me when it was never your right. I don’t even know how I fell in love with you to begin with, but the fact that I have tells me this is real. So, you can’t put all the blame on me. We’re both guilty of a lot of things.”

  “Maybe I kept you as a prisoner in the beginning, but you were never a prisoner toward the end. I made my feelings for you perfectly transparent. I never lied to you or misled you about how I felt. You, on the other hand, perfectly deceived. That’s worse, if you ask me.”

  “Again, I was just trying to survive. In the process, I began to love you. I didn’t know it was going to happen, but it did. I could have run off with Joseph the second I got the chance, but I didn’t. I stayed behind and made sure you survived. I didn’t have to save Ariel, but I did because I know how important she is to you. I made a lot of mistakes, but I did the right thing when it mattered most.”

  The breeze increased, and I watched her shiver slightly. If this were a different time, I would wrap my arms around her and take her inside. But I couldn’t look past my heartbreak or my embarrassment. She tricked me, and I honestly didn’t know what was real and what was a game. I was too angry to even consider forgiveness. I was too pissed to even contemplate starting over. “The only reason why I’m gonna say this is because it’s the only chance I’ll ever have.”