Committed Page 11

  “Wasn’t a holiday.”

  “You weren’t working. So I’d say so.” He cocked his head slightly, displaying the movements of a dog considering turning on its foe. “So, the wife and baby are healthy? What a blessing.”

  I didn’t want him to mention my family ever again. “I went to see the birth of my son, but that is the extent of my relationship with both of them.” If he knew I was no longer attached to them, he would lose interest.

  “Oh no. Not getting along with the baby momma?”

  My eyes narrowed. “Our relationship is over, so I never want to talk about her ever again. Or my son.”

  He raised both hands and surrendered. “Alright, alright. Just trying to be a friend.”

  “I don’t have any friends. And I’m not looking either.”

  He lowered his hands. “Well, I suspect that’s gonna change. You and I are the same man.”

  I’d never been more insulted. “We are not the same.”

  He started to count on his fingers. “We both killed a parent.” He held up a second finger. “We’re both drug dealers.” He held up a third finger. “We both fucked the same girl…”

  I was out of my desk so fast that some of my shit went flying to the floor. I jumped over the wood and rushed him like a player in the Super Bowl. I lunged at him and got both of my hands on his neck. I squeezed hard and slammed him down onto the coffee table. His back hit the surface before it collapsed underneath him.

  I was out of control. I wanted this man dead more than anything else. I couldn’t see straight…I couldn’t think. I wanted to rip his eyes out of his head and shove them down his throat.

  Maddox was so calm. He didn’t fight me at all…like he enjoyed it. His hands rested at his sides, and he didn’t fight the constriction around his throat. He looked deep into my eyes just the way a lover looked at their partner.

  Fucking psychopath.

  The door opened, and Damien walked inside. “What the hell is going on?”

  He must’ve heard me launch into Maddox and destroy the furniture in my office. I continued to choke him and wait for him to pass on to hell. My knuckles ached because I was squeezing so hard. Regardless of the consequences, I needed this. I needed to unlock these shackles that bound my wrists and my ankles.

  Damien kneeled on the floor at my side. “Hades, stop.” He tried to grab my hands and pull them off Maddox.

  I shoved him hard in the chest. “Fuck off.” I watched Maddox’s face turn red as the strangulation began to affect his entire body. Only one more minute and he would be gone forever.

  Damien came back. “Hades, you don’t want to do this. This is what he wants.”

  I started to think about Sofia and Andrew. What if this was all a setup?

  Damien grabbed my wrists and yanked. “Sofia. Andrew.”

  I finally came to my senses and let him pull my hands away.

  Maddox gasped for air and rolled over onto his side so he could cough and recuperate. He was red as a tomato and weak as a piece of straw.

  I dragged my hands down my face and suffered my self-loathing. I’d lost my temper and could’ve lost a lot more.

  Damien watched me with pity in his eyes.

  Maddox eventually got to his feet. “I was just trying to bond with you.”

  I was still on the ground, so I spat on his shoe. “Fuck off.”

  He looked down at his shoe and watched the glob of spit reflect the light from the ceiling. He stared at it for a long time before he kneeled down and wiped it up with his fingertip. Then he stared at me like he was considering wiping it on my cheek or my clothes. But then he did the unexpected and placed the finger into his mouth and sucked.

  Weeks had passed since Andrew’s birth, and I seemed to be getting worse.

  There were times when I became so weak, I almost called Sofia to apologize. I wanted to tell her it was all a mistake, that I couldn’t live without her. I wanted to text her and ask for pictures of Andrew. I wanted to return to Rome so I could make love to her.

  I couldn’t do any of those things…and they were torture to think about.

  Could I live like this forever?

  Maddox and I continued to work together like nothing had happened. He was just as obnoxious as always, but he dialed down his intensity so he was somewhat tolerable. I wondered what would’ve happened if I’d killed him in my office.

  Would I have gotten away with it?

  Or would Sofia and Andrew be dead right now?

  I sat on the balcony outside my bedroom and watched my brother sitting across from me. He’d stopped by for a visit because he was in the city. His large shoulders covered the back of the chair, and his tight t-shirt showed off all the muscles of his arms and chest. He eyed the bottle of scotch in the center of the table and grabbed it without looking for a glass first. “I knew you were gonna look like shit, but I had no idea you would look this bad.”

  I stared at the table. “What did you expect?”

  He shrugged. “Not sure.” He took a drink. “How are things here?”

  I was living in the underworld…and I wasn’t even the king. “I almost killed Maddox last week, but Damien stopped me.”

  “Good thing he was there.”

  I still wondered what would’ve happened if I’d gone through with it. Did Maddox have spies in my own office? Did he always have an escape plan anytime he was near me? I wouldn’t put it past him. “I spat on his shoe.”

  Ash cocked an eyebrow.

  “He wiped it up with his finger…and then sucked it.” I’d seen a lot of terrible shit, but I’d never seen anything so disgusting in my life. I’d dealt with a lot of bad men, but they were logical and respectable. This guy was just a lunatic.

  “What the fuck?” Ash stared at me blankly before he cringed. “Who does that?”

  I shrugged before I took a drink.

  “Is this guy in love with you or what?”

  I shrugged again. “I have no fucking idea. He is obsessed with me, that’s for certain. He says we’re the same.”

  “Same, how?”

  “He killed his mother… I killed my father. We’re both in the same business. Even when we weren’t partners, he never wanted to kill me. If anything, he wanted me to succeed. He’s practically indifferent to Damien, but he can’t get enough of me.”

  “Is he gay?”

  “No idea. I’ve never asked him anything personal.”

  “But do you ever see him with girls?”

  I shook my head.

  “Maybe he wants to be you.”

  “I don’t understand him, and I don’t want to.” If he wanted to be me, that was just odd. And if he was in love with me, I never wanted him to think I felt the same way. It was best just to leave it alone.

  After minutes of silence, Ash changed the subject. “I saw Sofia last week.”

  I knew he’d gone to see Andrew, but I never asked him about it.

  “Your son is cute, man.”

  Thinking about him nearly brought tears to my eyes. “Thanks.”

  “She told me that you left. Was really upset about it.”

  No surprise there.

  “Said you were a coward. But I set her straight.”

  “You don’t have to defend me to her. It’s better if she hates me anyway. It’ll help me move on.”

  Ash looked at me for a long time, a mixture of pity and sadness on his face. He rubbed his forefinger against the scruff along his jaw as he considered what he would say next. “Can you ever really move on?”

  I walked through the bazaar and watched the fire dancers delicately place knives into their throats before they blew fire out like dragons. Black cobras hissed on the ground before they listened to the hypnotizing music of the performer. There were bonfires everywhere, belly dancers in the square, and camels being led to their next destination.

  With my hands in my jeans pockets, I walked forward and ignored the solicitations from the carts and the flirtatious gazes of the gypsies. Sinc
e I’d been to the tent many times, I knew my way there. I turned when I saw the large pottery station, and I spotted it exactly where it had been before. Still purple and still abandoned. There was no one there.

  I walked to the flap and let myself inside. Timeless, it was exactly the same. Oils burned and filled the tent with a suffocating scent. The wooden chair looked like it was on its last stretch of life. The reading cards were on the table.

  The gypsy flipped through them, wearing a dark scarf wrapped around her head and neck. She didn’t look up even though she knew I was there. “I’ve never had so much business from one client.”

  “You’ve only taken my money once, so I don’t think I’m good for business.” I helped myself into the chair and watched her arrange the cards. I didn’t believe in magic or superstition. But whatever the fuck this was, I believed.

  She continued to play with the cards. She would flip them over, and if she found a complementary pair, she would take them off the table. “How can I help you, Hades?”

  “I need you to read my fortune again.”

  She stopped what she was doing and finally lifted her gaze to meet mine. “One fortune per customer. That’s the rule.”

  “Rules are meant to be broken.”

  She smiled like she found me charming. “The answer is still no.”

  I reached into my pocket and grabbed an envelope stuffed with money. I set it on the table in front of her. “Please help me.”

  She eyed the cash but didn’t take it. “What do you hope to achieve?”

  “I just need to know if there’s any chance. If there’s a chance that I can kill Maddox and get my family back.” I couldn’t take the risk when two people I loved were at stake. If I made the wrong move, I could lose the most important thing in the world. I had to be sure.

  She pushed the cash back toward me. “Your money is no good here. I told you, one fortune per person. Period.” She pulled the cards toward her and then stacked them into a pile. “That’s the way this works. No exceptions for anyone.”

  “Why?”

  “Would you really want to live that way? To always know the outcome of every decision before you even make it? That’s a dangerous power, and it would destroy you.” She rested her hands on the table and stared at me with a fearless expression. She didn’t seem to pity me at all. “I’m sorry I couldn’t be more help. I wish you well.”

  I remained in the seat because I had a backup plan I’d hoped to avoid. It was a terrible decision, but I’d been thinking about it for a long time. It felt cheap to take the easy way out, but I didn’t see the point in suffering when there was no hope that things would change. “You said there was a way for me to stop loving her. Is that still on the table?”

  She was still as a statue as she considered my question. “It’s always on the table.”

  “Then that’s what I want.” I pushed the cash toward her as payment.

  She didn’t take it. “Hades, do you know what you’re doing?”

  It was a devastating decision to make, but I couldn’t live like this anymore. I’d worked so hard for Sofia to love me, and in the end, I got what I wanted…but not the way I wanted. I wanted to live a life where I didn’t think about her every second of the day, where I could just have a normal existence without being smothered by this devotion. I’d tried everything else first, and nothing worked. This was my last option. “Yes.”

  “It can’t be reversed.”

  “Good.”

  “You can’t walk into this tent and ask me to give it back. It doesn’t work like that.”

  “I understand.”

  She was quiet for a long time as she considered the request. “But this woman loves you. You are cursing her to the same existence you’ve had to endure.”

  “It’s not the same. She gave up on me. She chose this. I can’t keep fighting for her when she won’t fight for me. I can’t do it anymore—I won’t do it anymore.”

  She grabbed the envelope of money and took a few bills before she pushed it back to me. “Alright…as you wish.”

  14

  Sofia

  It’d been a month since Hades left.

  It didn’t get easier. If anything, it got harder.

  Ash’s words echoed in my ears long after he said them. He defended Hades and said he was the wounded one. I was the coward who’d abandoned him. I was the one who’d caused him all the pain.

  It was impossible to look at my son and not think of Hades. It was impossible to sleep at night without him beside me. I wanted my husband back. I wanted a marriage. I wanted us to be a family.

  Could I really end up with another man someday? Have children with somebody else? Never see Hades again?

  I wasn’t sure if I could do it. Now that I had Andrew, I felt more connected to Hades than ever before. I thought of my ex-husband every time I looked into that little boy’s face. Sometimes I considered packing my things and showing up on his doorstep. I considered forgetting about Maddox and just doing what I wanted.

  But then I thought of Andrew…the tiny person I had to protect.

  If it were just me, it would be different. My life was okay to gamble.

  But with a baby, I didn’t have that luxury.

  When Andrew was asleep, I called Ash.

  He picked up right away. “Sweetheart, I told you we can’t be together. Have I thought about it? I’d be lying if I said no. But it would be wrong…no matter how good the sex was.”

  I wasn’t in the mood for jokes, so I ignored what he said. “Can I see you?”

  “Always. But is everything okay?”

  “I’m fine. I just need to talk to you.”

  “I can meet you in fifteen minutes. Where?”

  “My mom’s not home, so I need to stay with Andrew. Could you come here?”

  “Of course. But you aren’t trying to seduce me, right?”

  I hung up.

  The first thing Ash wanted to do was visit with Andrew. He stood over his crib and watched his nephew sleep. He gripped the wooden rail and continued to stare. “Can we wake him up?”

  “God, no. You never wake a sleeping baby.”

  “Why not?”

  I rolled my eyes because he would never understand. I took a seat in one of the chairs so we could have the conversation I wasn’t sure how to have. I patted the armrest beside me.

  Ash took a seat and started to rock the chair even though he wasn’t holding Andrew. “What’s up, sweetheart?”

  “I know this is a lot to ask, but I need you to do something for me.”

  When he realized how serious this was, he stopped rocking and his face turned as hard as a concrete wall. “You know I would do anything for you.”

  “Good…because I need you to kill Maddox.”

  He stilled further, his chest frozen because he stopped breathing. His eyes remained unmoving as he absorbed my expression and let my final words linger in the air.

  “I have to get my husband back. The only way to do that is by getting rid of that guy. Hades needs to be free, and we need to be a family. I can’t not see him for the rest of my life. I just can’t.”

  He turned his gaze away and stared at the crib.

  “Ash?”

  He ran his fingers across the shadow on his jawline before he answered. “I can’t do that.”

  My heart tanked.

  “That would be a betrayal to my brother…and I can’t do that.”

  “How could freeing him be a betrayal?”

  “Because if I fail…” He turned his gaze back to me. “You and Andrew will suffer the consequences. I couldn’t live with that guilt. And Hades would kill himself if he lost you both. It’s way too risky.”

  That was the answer I had been dreading. “You just said you would do anything for me.”

  “Anything that won’t hurt you. I just saw Hades a few weeks ago… Maddox is complicated. I might think it’s the perfect time and be completely wrong. I’d be gambling with your life. I’m not confident e
nough to do that.” When he saw my devastated expression, he continued, “I’m sorry…”

  I’d been hoping to get what I wanted. It seemed like such an easy solution, but if that were the case, Hades would’ve orchestrated it already. No one would help me in this endeavor. I had to do it on my own…or it wouldn’t happen at all. “Then I’ll do it myself.”

  His eyes narrowed on my face. “You can’t be serious.”

  “Dead serious. I couldn’t do anything about it before because I was pregnant. But now I’m not anymore…”

  “You’re still a mother. If something happens to you, who will he have?”

  “You.”

  His eyes softened even though he did his best to hide it.

  “I gave up on Hades because I had no other option. But now I do have an option. And I’m going to use it.”

  He shook his head. “No. You have no chance against him.”

  “All I need is a gun and a target. I can do the rest.”

  “You don’t understand…”

  “I’m going to do this no matter what you say. So, you might as well just help me. You can tattle on me to Hades, but he’s not gonna talk me out of it either. Maddox said he would hurt Andrew and me if Hades tried to kill him, but he never said anything about me trying.”

  “You’re taking a big gamble on a technicality.”

  “It’s not a gamble if I win.”

  I was torn.

  Whenever I was with Andrew, I questioned what kind of mother I was, if I was able to risk my life to save someone else. If I failed, Andrew wouldn’t have a mother. On top of that, he may not have a father either.

  But when I looked into those warm brown eyes, I knew I had to do it. We needed to be a family again, to be happy. When Andrew was older and asked why his father and I weren’t together, I wouldn’t know what to say. I wouldn’t want my son to think his father was a coward who’d abandoned him.

  Hades was so much more than that…but my son would never know.

  Ash needed a week to think about what I said. Initially, he was too repulsed by the idea to consider it. There was too much at stake, too much of a risk. I had no special skills in fighting or gun handling, so my chances of success were low.