Lover in Lingerie Page 10
Ronan held my gaze, his disappointment heavy.
“I hope you understand, Ronan. I hate this so much…I really do.”
He left his mug and plate on the table and turned his head to look out the window. He wasn’t angry but bitterly hurt that this conversation ended the way it did. He wanted his brother to be happy, wanted it so much that he actually cornered me in order to have this conversation. “It sounds like you’ve made your decision, then.”
The only reason tears weren’t streaming down my cheeks was because we were in public. But the second I returned to my shop, I would lock myself in the bathroom and give myself ten minutes to cry my pain away. “Yes…I’m sorry.”
9
Bosco
Everything at the casino was still going smoothly. The memory of me mutilating The Butcher was fresh in everyone’s minds, so I was still the conversation topic at most poker games. Memberships had increased by thirty percent, and more people wanted a piece of the pie at my casino.
I’d been spending fewer nights there that week, choosing to stay home with Carmen. I knew she wouldn’t leave me, but I was acting cautiously anyway. We spent our nights tangled up together in bed, warm under the sheets and sweaty with pleasure. When I looked into those green eyes, I knew I would never want another woman more than her.
She was my everything.
But I couldn’t ignore my business altogether, so I’d forced myself to come out tonight. I was standing on the balcony and watching all the men gathered at the tables. The cameras caught the details better than my naked eye, but when I stood over all the members, it added a note of tension all the men could feel—that they were always being watched.
Ronan came to my side, wearing a suit with his hands in his pockets. “Business has increased.”
“We’ve had a hundred new members this week.”
Instead of watching the men beneath us, Ronan leaned against the railing and looked at me instead.
“Yes?” I turned to him, unsure what he wanted.
“Two more days?”
I was surprised he was keeping track. “Yes. Two more days until she’s mine forever.”
Instead of smiling, he narrowed his eyes in disappointment. “You still think she’s gonna stay?”
“She loves me.” I looked away and stared at the crowd again. “She’s happy. She’s not going anywhere.” We would have a difficult road ahead of us, but it was nothing I couldn’t handle. Her father and uncle didn’t hate me as much when they left as when they’d arrived. They had to respect me somewhat, considering I treated them so civilly when they stepped onto my property. Griffin nearly broke my skull, but I didn’t break his face, so that had to earn some respect too. At the very least, I held no ill will for any member of the Barsetti clan.
Ronan stood beside me with his arms crossed over his chest. He turned quiet and brooding, his mind still on the conversation but also far away at the same time. With wide shoulders and a powerful chest, he commanded respect in the casino the way I did. He simply took a step back and allowed me to have the spotlight, but he was doing a lot of work behind the scenes.
Maybe I was being too confident about Carmen, but I believed in what we had. I believed in every tear she shed for me, every confession of love she gave me, and everything else beautiful that we shared. I was a man in love, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything else in the world. It was the first time I felt complete since my mother died. Carmen filled the gaping hole inside my chest. I used to ignore my feelings and heartache and pretend they didn’t exist, but once Carmen arrived, I began to understand just how depressed I was because I was finally happy for the first time in years.
Ronan must have been holding his breath because he let out a sigh that was loud enough to be audible over the sound system. “Bosco, I need to tell you something, and it’s not easy for me to say. It’ll be even more difficult to hear.”
“Alright.” I straightened and turned to him, unsure what my brother was struggling to spit out. Was it about the casino or was it about Carmen?
He wouldn’t look me in the eye. “When I had lunch with her the other day, we didn’t talk about some woman I’m seeing. I made that up.”
He lied to me? I gripped the handrail as my eyes narrowed on his face, irritated that my own flesh and blood would betray me like that. When I saw him with Carmen, I thought it was unusual, but I trusted every word that came out of my brother’s mouth. Even if his explanation seemed strange, I’d given him the benefit of the doubt. Now I felt like a fool. “Let’s hope you have a good reason for that…”
“I actually talked to her about the two of you.” He finally turned his head my way so our eyes would lock. “I told her how much you loved her, that you would do anything for her, and I told her this is the first time you’ve been happy since Mom passed away.”
“And why would you say all of that to her?”
“I wanted to make sure she was going to stay. Because you need her, and I need you to be happy.”
It was a touching gesture, but I was still pissed.
“So I asked if she was going to stay…” He looked away, like holding my gaze was too painful. “She said no.”
As if someone had stabbed a knife right into my stomach, my guts spilled on the floor, and the air left my lungs. I didn’t change my expression because we were in public, but I squeezed the railing a little tighter, my knuckles turning white.
“She said she loved you, and she doesn’t want to be with anyone else…but it would never work. The two of you want different things.”
Love, commitment, and good sex? No, we wanted the same things.
“She said she wants a family, four kids and a husband.”
“Who said I wouldn’t give that to her?” I’d already offered once. Maybe she didn’t take me seriously. I was willing to do anything to keep this woman. She was the key to my happiness.
“I don’t think she realizes that,” Ronan said. “And if that’s the case, you should tell her. But even then, she said she doesn’t want to be part of this scene. After what happened with The Butcher, she’s afraid for the safety of her kids. She doesn’t want you gone all night while she’s home alone with the family. She would never ask you to give up all of this because it wouldn’t be right…and she thinks it wouldn’t be right for you to ask the same of her.”
The future had looked so clear earlier that morning, but now it was bleak once more. I was fine before Carmen came along, but I would never be fine again after she was gone. Another woman would never mean anything to me. It would be back to meaningless sex, buying expensive gifts for women because that’s what they wanted. I would be absorbed back into the darkness once more. “I can’t give up the casino for her.” I wanted to pretend her request was ridiculous, but it wasn’t. She wanted a quiet and simple life in the country, raising her kids with a man who would always be home by five. She didn’t want to be tarnished by my lifestyle, to have a man walk in the door smelling like cigars, booze, and cheap perfume. It all made sense—but it still hurt like a bitch. “Did she know you were going to tell me all this?”
“I don’t know. I never said I was or wasn’t.”
She was leaving the day after tomorrow, and there was nothing I could do to stop it.
Ronan kept watching me, the concern in his eyes. “I’m sorry, Bosco. I tried to change her mind.”
I wasn’t angry at him anymore. I had worse problems now. “I know, Ro.” I faced the floor again, breaking eye contact because I didn’t want to see the pity in his eyes. I gripped the railing with both hands and tried to combat the empty feeling inside my chest. Now I didn’t even want to go home, not even if she was naked on my bed. I didn’t want to pretend this horrible reality wasn’t really happening.
My brother came to my side and faced the same direction. “This probably isn’t my place to say, but…this is gonna get old someday.”
I stared at the men sitting at the poker tables, holding their cards and tossing their chip
s into the center. Topless waitresses circulated and waited on the men. Security stood against the walls and kept an eye on everyone. The naked girls danced in the cages as the smoke rose to the ceiling, and the music thudded overhead.
“The women, the booze, the job…all of it will turn stale. When you’re in your fifties, this will feel redundant and repetitive. You don’t want to stand here in twenty years regretting the choice you made.”
“What are you saying, Ronan?”
“Maybe you should give up the casino.” He kept hold of the railing the way I did.
“Give up everything and give her what she wants.”
The casino was my life; it was my purpose. I loved the power and I loved the money. My identity wouldn’t exist without it. “Ro, I’m nothing without it.”
“That can’t be true. Because Carmen loves you in spite of all this…not because of it. So you must be something to her.”
I kept staring at the floor. “What would I do all day? What kind of man would I be? I would just stay home all day and get fat? I love Carmen, but the casino is who I am. I put everything on the line when I started it, and I can’t just walk away from that. I refuse to be a man who sacrifices everything for a woman. If she won’t sacrifice everything for me, then why should I do it for her?” It didn’t matter how much I loved Carmen. Walking away from all of this was not an option. I would be giving up who I was, and one day, I would regret that.
Ronan was quiet, letting my final words fill the air.
Accepting the loss was hard. But losing everything I’d worked so hard for would be even worse.
“Then she’s going to leave, Bosco,” my brother said. “I just want you to be prepared for it…so you aren’t blindsided.” He moved his hand to the center of my back, comforting me with the subtle gesture of affection.
I didn’t react to the touch.
“I’m sorry.” He pulled his hand off my back then walked away.
Now I stood alone on the balcony, my heart starting to throb because the reality hit me like the water from a cold shower. The inevitable was fast approaching, and if just the thought was so painful, how would it really feel in the moment?
How would I let her walk away…for good?
10
Carmen
If Ronan told his brother what I said at the coffee shop, it didn’t seem like it.
Bosco’s behavior hadn’t changed. He was the man he was before, but since he was naturally intense and quiet, maybe it was difficult to tell the difference.
I struggled to keep myself together. Tomorrow morning, I would pack up my things and go back to my apartment. I would drive in my little car without twelve men following me. Like this had all been a dream, I would return to my old life and pick up where I left off.
I wouldn’t miss the security and the luxury as much as I would miss the man who provided those things. I had amazing sex on a regular basis, but now that would be a thing of the past. It was difficult to imagine going out with some other guy then taking him back to my place. It was impossible to imagine having sex with someone else—and not think about Bosco.
This heartbreak was already killing me, and I hadn’t even left yet.
I went into the bedroom and opened the closet, seeing my suitcase open and ready to be filled with my clothes and shoes. I shut the doors again, trying to pretend I didn’t see it at all. Once the night passed and morning arrived, this would all be over.
How did time go by so fast?
Bosco’s voice sounded from the kitchen. “Beautiful, dinner is ready.” Like we were a husband and wife at home after work, he called for me to join him.
I took a deep breath and controlled my emotions, not wanting to cry into the bland meal Bosco prepared.
I went into the dining room and saw a meal I didn’t expect. “Wow. Pot roast, potatoes, and…is that actually bread?” I spotted the plate of garlic bread on the table, a fresh loaf sliced up perfectly. My depression was temporarily gone when I looked at the impressive, and edible, meal he made.
He sat down, shirtless in his sweatpants, and smiled. “Yes. It’s real bread.”
“And it looks so good.” I sat down and watched him open a bottle of red wine. He poured two glasses and pushed one toward me. “This should pair well with the meat.”
“You’re right. Look at you…wine connoisseur.”
“I pay someone to figure that stuff out. Personally, I think scotch goes with everything, but that’s not romantic, is it?”
I shrugged. “You like what you like, right? It’s not like you’re smoking a cigar at the table.”
He served both of our plates, and then we began to eat. “Not smoking has changed my palate. I can taste things differently now.” He placed a piece of bread on his plate. “My scotch has a better kick to it too.”
“Good.” I hoped that meant he would continue not to smoke after I left. Even if I never saw him again, I wanted him to have a long and healthy life. “Smoking is disgusting. My father used to smoke cigars on occasion, but my mom set him straight.”
“Women will do that…”
I took a few bites, and my stomach immediately growled with joy. “This is so good.” The chunks of meat were tender, and the carrots and potatoes were cooked to perfection. Wiping my plate with a thick piece of bread just made it better.
Bosco watched me with a slight smile on his face. “They say food is the way to a man’s heart. You prove that wrong.”
“How so?”
“Well, sex is the way to my heart. And food is the way to yours.”
“That’s not really accurate. I’m not that obsessed with food. It’s just you never have anything good around here, so I get excited when you actually make something decent. You know, that actually has flavor, fat, and carbs.”
He gave me an affectionate look. “Men don’t look sexy when they eat fat and carbs. Women can eat whatever they want and still look sexy.”
“I disagree, but that’s a nice thing to say.”
He took another piece of bread.
“It’s a big cheat day, huh?”
“The biggest.” He drank his wine after a few bites then looked at me as he licked his lips.
I would miss the sex and the affection, but I would miss this most of all—this easygoing relationship. We could have conversations just the way Vanessa and I did. He wasn’t just my lover, but my friend. After he dialed down his obsessive behavior and controlling nature, he was wonderful to be around.
As if he knew exactly what I was thinking, he held my gaze and kept eating, a note of sadness to his look. He didn’t address what would happen in the morning, maybe because he wasn’t sure what would transpire. Perhaps he was still confident I wouldn’t leave.
A part of me wanted Ronan to have told him the truth, just so it wouldn’t be so unexpected, and therefore, more painful.
Or better yet, I wish I didn’t have to leave at all.
It was my bitter heartbreak talking, but I wished I’d never met him. I wished we’d never crossed paths. While I enjoyed our time together, being haunted by the memory would kill me. In this case, it would be better never to have loved at all than loved and lost.
He kissed my belly button, his tongue swirling around the navel piercing I’d had since my late teens. My mother was disappointed when I got it, annoyed when she first saw me in a bikini. But every man I’d been with loved it, so I didn’t have any regrets. Bosco kissed it the best, dragged his tongue up the center of my ribs until he reached the swell of my tits. He kissed both of my boobs, giving each one the attention it deserved. My nipples were sucked hard into his mouth, and he gave me a gentle bite with his teeth.
“Babe…” I was already so wet, so anxious for him.
He moved down my body and pushed my legs back with his large hands. His lips pressed against my most tender place, and he made love to my clit with his mouth, his tongue swirling hard before his kisses turned soft.
No other man had ever done it before him.
He gripped me back as he kissed me, smelled me. He moved his tongue deep inside me to feel how wet I was, and then he moved farther back and licked my asshole.
I tensed at his touch, surprised by how good it felt. Bosco wasn’t afraid to explore me everywhere, to enjoy every inch from head to toe.
He kissed the inside of my thighs and moved up my stomach again, devouring my tits once more until we were face-to-face. He stared down at me, his expression hard because he was filled with arousal, longing, and love. He got into position between my legs, and then he gently slid inside me, his eyes locked on mine.
My hands clutched at his thick arms, and I breathed hard as I felt him push inside me. Inch-by-inch, he moved, stretching me like he was taking my virginity. He pushed until he was all the way inside, a perfect fit in my tightness.
“Bosco.” I looked into that handsome face and memorized it, knowing this was what I would think of when I had fun with my vibrator. I wouldn’t look at porn. I would remember the best sex I’d ever had, making love to the man who made me weak in the knees. “I love you…” I wanted to say that as many times as I could, to take advantage of the last night I had any right to say it.
“And I love you.” He rocked into me slow and gentle, thrusting deep and even. Instead of kissing me, he stared at me with the same love in his eyes. I was the only woman he’d ever looked at like this, ever cherished with just his gaze. I was the only woman he’d ever made love to. “More than anything.”